◇🥺 Next up: Retirement Turns Me Into a Viral Pet Psychic Who Livestreams Gossip
[🎧 This novel is complete. Bonus chapters update daily at 11 p.m.⁺💿𓏸˒˒💎𓈒𓂂𓏸 ]⤾
On the eve of his debut, Yu Yin was blacklisted.
With no fame and no savings, he was feeling pretty miserable. The young owner of an internet café took pity on him.
One tentative offer was all it took to bring Yu Yin into his newly established, glorious enterprise:
A thirst-trap male streamer.
So the next day
Netizens happened to stumble across Yu Yin, who'd been forced to cosplay as a nun and had renamed his livestream 【Nun's Confessional】.
They'd assumed Yu Yin's livestream would be the usual package deal of suggestive content and sexy dancing.
But when they opened it, what did they see?
“I confess: I recently bought a warehouse full of canned food. I think I put too much pressure on my dog. He's depressed now.”
“I confess: My dog is usually full of energy and especially loves gold, but after I had a necklace custom-made for him, he stopped moving. Is gold bad for him or something??”
“I confess: My dog really loves a certain brand of snacks. I didn't trust anyone else to make them, so I spent 700 million to buy the company. But now my dog doesn't seem to like them anymore?? Did they give me the wrong recipe?”
Luxury cars, mansions, top families, top-tier stars, and archrivals all showed up on camera, dropping into the livestream out of nowhere...
Faced with these tricky questions, netizens joked:
【Okay, this time it's definitely not staged. I'm sure all these people dropping in are well-known figures in our city. Especially my fave. His dog's had this problem for ages, and no one could fix it. Is he about to wreck the streamer's reputation the moment he goes live?】
【Honey, just stick to thirst traps. We don't do this kind of thing.】
Everyone assumed Yu Yin would give up when confronted with such difficult questions.
Instead, all they heard was his cool reply:
“Don't feed your dog canned herring.”
“If you had an eight-kilogram gold necklace around your neck, you'd get depressed too.”
“Snacks aren't proper meals. No matter how much he loves them, you can't buy a factory and feed them to him every day...”
Netizens assumed Yu Yin was making things up because he had no answers.
But then the camera turned, and not only did every prediction come true, the viewers nearly dropped their chopsticks in shock:
【Wait, someone really bought a whole warehouse of canned herring to feed their dog?】
【Wait, that gold necklace weighs eight kilograms. Even an adult couldn't hold their head up wearing that!】
【Aah! Who feeds their dog snacks as proper meals every day?】
They watched as the pets, who'd been looking half-dead on screen just moments earlier, played up their misery and acted cute for Yu Yin, complaining about all the injustice they'd suffered and saying they wanted to cry. Some even knocked over their owners, packed their bags, and tried to run away from home with the streamer!
As more pets wanted to go home with Yu Yin, more people tuned in to his livestream.
Yu Yin became a sensation. Even big shots and netizens from other circles dropped into his stream to ask questions and take notes.
*
Later on,
the top donors, all generous and loaded, started fighting over him.
A troublemaker asked Yu Yin which one he liked best.
Yu Yin coolly replied, “The top donor.”
Everyone thought Yu Yin's money-loving, spoiled persona would make the donors furious and drive them away.
Instead, the next second
the top donors started battling it out by sending him virtual yachts.
His inbox?
Completely flooded.
*
Later still,
the top donor posted a photo of a red marriage certificate.
He repeatedly left hickeys on the cunning, flirtatious little cat in his arms, who'd seduced him and run off before falling asleep. He couldn't stop bragging on his profile: 😎 Sorry, I'm the one who won him over.
【Reading Guide】
① A money-loving, flirtatious streamer on the receiving end × a CEO who got hooked and is determined to claim the top spot on the giving end.
② Sweet and clean, one-on-one. Most of the tropes are original, though some may be inspired by online material, clips, variety shows, and books.
③ Anything marked with an asterisk comes from an online meme, event, or legal citation. Sources or excerpts are provided, so there are no separate citations.
④ Corrections that have been adopted have been moved down. All text errors have now been fixed. Thanks, honeys~
˖°𓇼, ฅ՞• •՞ฅ
Coming soon: Retirement Turns Me Into a Viral Pet Psychic Who Livestreams Gossip ᜊ
Blurb: After retiring in the underworld, Su Jiang returned to the world of the living.
When he got back, his world hadn't changed at all.
He was still the real young master from the original novel, kicked out of his family home and forced to scrape by through livestreaming.
Su Jiang had thought he could just sit back and enjoy his huge inheritance.
Until
Su Jiang looked at his bank balance: 0 yuan.
Only then did he realize he'd traveled back not to the original novel's timeline, three years later, when he'd become rich by making suggestive livestreams!
He'd landed three years earlier, when no one knew him and he was penniless!!
Su Jiang: !#¥@%…#
*
Everyone knew Su Jiang as a thirst-trap streamer.
But when netizens came in expecting suggestive content, they watched as Su Jiang had already renamed his stream 【Late-Night Listening Room】.
They even saw one person after another earnestly describing their pain on the stream...?
Caller A: “Streamer, I've been burning joss paper for my dog, who passed away. But for some reason, ever since I started, I keep dreaming that he's barking furiously at me. I also dream that something dark is chasing him...”
Netizens: What did you do to feel so guilty?
They answered in the spirit of trusting science.
But Su Jiang spoke up: “Did you burn the paper three days ago?”
Caller A froze. He had no idea how Su Jiang knew, but could only nod stiffly.
Everyone assumed Su Jiang had just made a lucky guess.
Then Su Jiang said, “He says you tore the leg off the paper effigy you burned that day. Now your dog has to work hard in the underworld to earn enough for a home for the two of you, and he also has to look after the crippled paper effigy you sent down. He says he's worse off than the pig next door, which just lies around all day, and asks you to stop making things harder for him.”
The netizens saw the caller's purchase history confirming he'd bought a paper effigy: Huh?
*
Caller B: “Streamer, why do I keep dreaming about a fox I've never met, crying and asking me to dig up its grave? But I don't know any foxes. I've only ever made a grave for my dog.”
Netizens guessed: Maybe you've been under too much stress lately?
Instead, Su Jiang said, “You did bury a fox. It says your eyesight is bad and you mistook it for your dog when you buried it. Now it's asking if you can get it out of the grave, because it's a fox, not a dog, and it's sick of the bones you keep offering it every time you visit.”
The caller found his dog and happily reported back. Then he moved the grave and discovered he'd really buried a fox. The netizens were left speechless: Huh? How did he happen to guess that one right too?!
*
Later on.
Caller C: “Streamer, the squirrel I used to keep keeps appearing in my dreams, telling me to dig something up on a mountain. When I refuse, it gets agitated and keeps biting me. Could there be something wrong with my body that makes me dream about this...”
Caller C looked utterly baffled.
But Su Jiang only stared back expressionlessly. “Your squirrel says your ancestors buried gold on that mountain and want you to dig it up.”
Caller C: No way. My family has been poor for three generations!
Certain it was impossible, Caller C went up the mountain to dig for treasure.
But then
Clang.
Caller C flipped his shovel.
A dazzling pile of gold appeared before everyone.
Everyone: Holy crap!?
Where do I go to pray so my pet will give me a treasure-hunting dream too?!
*
Then Su Jiang became famous, and his livestream was mobbed by viewers.
*
Su Jiang was forced to take in a dog.
The truth was, the little pest was so clingy he couldn't get rid of it.
Su Jiang didn't think much of it at first.
Until one day, he realized the dog's behavior was exactly like his archrival's.
Then, one night,
Su Jiang suddenly discovered that his dog had turned into a human, with the exact same face as his archrival, and had pinned him down.
The next day, Su Jiang clutched his aching back. “...Damn.”
【Reading Guide】
① A cool-faced but adorable uke × a lovestruck, shamelessly teasing archrival seme
▶❄️ The author's collection has ten completed short novels. Come visit! ı||ııı||ı|⤾
Theme: Your life is not defined by others. What you want will eventually be within reach.
Is this asking Mr. Lu to twist his waist [bad laugh]