Zai X2

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Blurb:

We interviewed the victim, Mr. [CENSORED]: "What's the most troublesome thing that's happened to you in the past year?"

The bandage-wrapped man whose name was censored, but somehow wasn't: "I received a delivery as tall as a person."

Reporter: "Was it sent by one of your enemies to get revenge? Or was it an ardent pursuit by an admirer?"

The bandage-wrapped man: "Probably an enemy. The package was heavy and hard to move, and when [HEAVILY CENSORED] came to help, he chewed me out."

Reporter: "Wait, wait, wait! You brought it home? Even though you knew it might be dangerous?"

The bandage-wrapped man: "Yeah, and I opened it at home, too."

Reporter: "Then, if you don't mind my asking, what was inside?"

The bandage-wrapped man: "A figurine."

(He raised a hand and gestured.)

"About this tall, a little paler than me, with slightly curly brown hair, wearing a black suit and an absolutely hideous red scarf. A life-size figurine of me."

Armed Detective Agency Dazai received a life-size figurine of himself.

Before he could sell it off for a hefty price, the figurine, dressed in a black suit and an ugly red scarf, ran off on its own. It went around causing trouble, managing to find itself a dozen caretakers along the way. It wreaked havoc not only on its own set, but on the poor souls from other sets as well, and the list of victims keeps growing.

His current Armed Detective Agency partner: "He's conscientious and never skips work."

His former Mafia partner: "Obedient."

The boy who can see youkai: "He's a wonderful teacher."

Armed Detective Agency Dazai turned to look at the "obedient and sensible" life-size figurine that had changed hands several times before ending up back at his place. It was a "friendly and gentle" pretty doll, currently seriously considering whether to usurp the throne again.

He slowly formed a question mark with his fingers:

"Are you really talking about Boss Dazai?"

"Dazai x Dazai, a narcissistic ship with both versions of Dazai"

*The main story may have a little more from Boss Dazai's perspective. This version of Boss Dazai comes with plenty of headcanons.*

*An unconventional Dazai-raising story.*

[Second commercial break]

[Original novels: The Infinite Livestream Diary of a Ragdoll Cat; The Little Jellyfish's Undersea Adventure]

[Fanfiction: I Got Trapped in a Love Triangle with Random Debuffs; After All My Secret Identities Got Bad Endings, I Was Forced to Mourn Myself]

[Completed works: Basically all short stories]

-- I Got Trapped in a Love Triangle with Random Debuffs --

After failing to clear the game for the 233rd time, Mizushima Kawayan transmigrated.

And he became a character profile he'd created in a fit of rage: beautiful and powerful, with a complicated background and incredible skills, but...

-- blind.

When Mizushima Kawayan woke up, he found another person in the room. He remembered how creating a character in the game assigned them family relationships, and figured the stranger in the room might be a cheap relative thrown in for free.

He felt his way over and touched the other's smooth, flowing hair.

Mizushima Kawayan understood.

"Um... I just lost my memory." He gave the hair a gentle tug, confirming it wasn't a wig. "Are you my mom? My older sister? My little sister?"

Feeling how tall the other person was, he promptly said, "Big sis, you're my one and only big sis."

Gin, who had been preparing to kill him to keep him quiet: ...

Some time later, Mizushima Kawayan realized that the random debuff he'd spitefully assigned his character in a fit of rage had kicked in.

While negotiating with a certain organization over how much money it would take to protect him from being hunted down by his "big sister," his skin hunger suddenly flared up. He froze, his mind uncontrollably flooded with loneliness and pain.

By the time he came to his senses, he was already in tears and, completely out of control, begging everyone present.

"Please, please... hug me..."

What was even more devastating was that someone present actually answered his plea.

And when his amnesia episodes struck, he couldn't remember anything that happened during them.

When a certain villain caused trouble, Mizushima Kawayan's compulsive tendencies and uncontrollable crying hit at the same time. Sobbing until he could barely breathe, he violently pinned down a few fake friends, pleading, "Waaah, these gems aren't arranged neatly enough. I can't see them. Please, please arrange the gems properly..."

The White Triangle: ...Bro, you can't see. How do you know they're not arranged properly?

"Waaah... I don't care. I have to check every single one..."

Later, Mizushima Kawayan finally got rid of his debuffs and even cured his blindness in the process.

He opened his eyes. They were still fragile after seeing color in this world for the first time, and tears flowed without him realizing it.

-- So many people are gathered around me!

Help! I wish I were blind again!

[Commercial break over. Enjoy reading!]

Theme: Nothing is more important than life.