Western Crossover: How Can You Be Robin When You're This Lazy?

Pushing a new story: Punishing the Bat by raising the little Zoldyck Elaine knew from the moment he was born that he wasn’t like other children. While other babies came into the world bawling, he spent his first moments wondering why his older brother was named Dick while he wasn’t called Nike or Jack, but Elaine instead. When Elaine was eight, he finally stumbled upon the secret his father and brother had been keeping. Before either of them could explain, he offered them an out: “...You’re cosplaying as the Dark Knight and Robin in the middle of the night?” Bruce decided to tell Elaine the family secret anyway. No surprise, no shock. The only thought running through Elaine’s mind was ten ways to slack off as Robin. Fifty percent genius, fifty percent laziness, and zero percent sense of responsibility: that was Elaine Wayne. During Robin training, Elaine slacked off any way he could, even finding ways to slack off when it wasn’t possible. To avoid Robin duties, Elaine secretly laced Arkham Asylum’s water supply with laxatives. The inmates spent seven days and nights in an intensive course on explosive diarrhea. After a month of battling a mysterious culprit, Bruce found a packet of laxatives in Elaine’s room while Alfred was cleaning. Bruce: “...Don’t do that again.” Elaine, who had just put knockout drugs in Blackgate Prison’s water supply: “...Okay.” Later, Bruce took in another child, hoping to make Elaine feel threatened and thereby motivate him to train. As the world’s greatest detective had predicted, Elaine was indeed motivated. He spent every day in a wheelchair, hanging around the training room... to coach Jason into becoming an excellent Robin. Bruce: . Jason: “...He’s actually a pretty nice guy.” One day, at a Justice League meeting, all the members watched Batman with their guard up, looking ready to arrest him at any moment. Batman: “What’s going on?” Clark pulled out a stack of academic papers. “Frontal Lobectomy: A Psychology-Based Study of the Rationale and Feasibility of Eradicating Criminals” “Ensuring the Legality and Promoting the Use of Genetic Drugs to Control Criminals and Eradicate Their Personalities: A Systematic Analysis from the Perspective of State Laws” “On the Law: An Investigation into Whether Superheroes Should Be Legally Allowed to Kill Criminals” Every one of the papers was signed by Elaine. ...His son’s threat assessment score had reached Doomsday level, and the AI recommended sending him to the Phantom Zone. Clark: “B, is your son turning into a supervillain?” Batman: “...Impossible.” Two days later, Batman took the “dangerous individual” Elaine on a tour of the Justice League headquarters. He placed a weapon capable of cognitively annihilating criminals just one step away from Elaine. But Elaine was too lazy to take that step, so he passed up the world-ending weapon. The superheroes’ hearts finally sank. ...He couldn’t even be bothered to become a supervillain. Also known as “Robin in the Machine” and “The Irresponsible Robin” 1. The protagonist is evil in a very unconventional way and completely insane. He’ll indiscriminately torment everyone. This is essentially a silly comedy, so don’t overthink anything. 2. Everyone is out of character and relies on stereotypes, so read with your brain switched off. Most of the seemingly scientific material hasn’t been researched at all and was written on a whim. Please don’t read too much into it. Upcoming story: Batman found Alger in an alley. The dim alley reeked of Gotham City. Rats scurried everywhere, flies buzzed, and filthy water and garbage littered the ground. The walls on either side were covered in indistinct, mottled marks, as if countless crimes had been painted over them again and again. The black-haired child stood beside a trash can. His blue cat eyes, drenched in black ink, were almost completely dark. He dropped the corpse in his hand, then raised a bloodied cat paw at Batman. Five minutes later, Batman carried the clear-eyed little black cat, Alger, onto the Batmobile. There was a huge bump on the child’s head. Alger Zoldyck was the most obedient child in his family. Ever since his brothers Killua and Alluka left home, his parents and eldest brother had kept him under strict supervision. Alger loved his family. He followed his eldest brother’s orders to the letter and treated his words as rules he must obey. “Alger is big brother’s favorite, most obedient killing tool.” “Alger mustn’t make friends. Friends will trick Alger into leaving the family’s protection.” “Alger means hunter, the hunter who hunts for the family.” But that wasn’t what Bruce said. Bruce said family members accepted one another, and that Alger was family, not a tool. Bruce said friendship meant loyalty and trust. Bruce said Alger stood for protection, justice, and heroism. Alger looked at the criminal in his hands, barely clinging to life. At Bruce’s encouraging gaze, he drew back his cat paw. Batman: “Think about what I taught you.” Alger dropped the man on the ground and earnestly told the criminal, “I’m going to kidnap your mom.” Batman: “...” He rolled up his sleeves. Fine. Tonight, Jason was getting pranked. Later, the Zoldycks found their youngest son, who had gone missing. Illumi was about to manipulate Alger as he always had. Alger earnestly contradicted him. “Big brother, you’re wrong. Family members accept each other and stand together as one.” At the same time, Alger was using his unbeatable Nen ability to twist his family members together. Alger smiled sweetly. “Just like we’re standing together now.” A few things to know before reading: 1. A beloved setup: Batman takes in a kid. This Batman talks, a lot. Alger has plenty of problems in every respect, and Batman will gradually help him work through them. 2. This story neither bashes nor glorifies the Zoldyck family. They love each other and have familial bonds, and they’ll open the link between worlds to find Alger. But their relationships are deeply twisted, just like in the original. This is not Zoldyck-bashing. 3. Alger loves the Zoldycks. Even after learning their beliefs are wrong, he still loves his family. He just no longer agrees with their beliefs. Theme: Everyone has responsibilities to bear, but you can always count on your family to protect you and share your burdens. So when responsibility leaves you gasping for air, try sharing some of it with your family. Everything will be all right.