[Western Crossover] Spider-Man, Gotham's Friendly Neighbor

On Christmas Eve, Peter snapped off a branch from a wish-granting willow.

When he opened his eyes again, he had landed in Gotham, turned into an amnesiac underage teenager.

The good news: He found his biological brother, was adopted by a rich guy and escaped poverty overnight, got his superpowers back, and even enrolled at MIT.

The bad news: Everyone seemed to think he had a tragic past, was dating Spider-Man, and had been seduced away by a third party, the evil rich guy Stark.

Peter, the actual Spider-Man: No one knows what I’ve been through to keep my secret identity hidden!!

*

The Batfamily thinks Peter is full of contradictions.

He’s used to being poor, yet knows his way around a rich man’s lifestyle.

He never went to school, yet knows all about cutting-edge tech and equipment.

The girls call him a wholesome country boy, yet he’s a dab hand at the tricks of a social butterfly.

The thing is, Peter also has a really severe daddy issue!

He’s perfectly fine with that scary, obsessive control freak in black, and doesn’t care at all!

His teachers say he’s always covered in bruises! The more you think about it, the creepier it gets!!

And he has a split personality! Sometimes he’s sweet and considerate, but other times he says things like:

“If you keep getting yourself all banged up, old man, I’ll sprinkle some dust in your eyes!”

Bruce, who’s doing his best to raise his son but feels like he’s failed as a parent: ...

Peter, carefully hiding his spider legs: OvO

Then one day, Dick sees Spider-Man casually climb in through the window of Jason’s safehouse, crawl down from the ceiling, and take off his mask, revealing that familiar baby face.

Dick: ...So my adorable little brother, who couldn’t hurt a fly, is the friendly neighborhood hero who can punch Killer Croc to death?

Tim: At last, Bruce can clearly tell himself apart from his alter ego.

Damian: You’re Spider-Man? Then what’s going on with Stark?!

Only Jason is angry: I told you not to get your web fluid all over my place!!

*

Spider-Man is Gotham’s new favorite.

He’s young, has a gorgeous figure, helps people, and even talks nicely. When he turns black, he hits harder than the urban legend Batman! Pure power! And he’s as hot as Gotham’s best backside!

Spider-Man goes to Massachusetts. Gothamites: We miss him.

Spider-Man shows up in New York? Better follow New York on YouTube.

Gotham’s wholesome country girl wins big in New York? Boring.

Wait! That wholesome country boy is Peter Wayne? He’s Spider-Man?!

Gothamites: You outsiders, [Gotham profanity], what makes you think you deserve him?!!

Tim, the world’s second-best detective, uncovers a secret: Peter has access protocols for all the “defense” satellites in Stark’s Global Security Network.

Just as Tim resolves to help Peter keep his secret under wraps, the red-and-gold tin can makes a very public marriage proposal to his brother, kicking down every closet door in the world.

Tim: ??!!!

*

Tony is a genius, the richest man in the world, a playboy, and the least confident person in the world.

He has an absurdly high sense of self-worth and thinks he can have every wonderful thing in life.

But that doesn’t include falling in love with a boy ten years younger than him, then living out a love story that transcends time and death.

Or letting that boy see every broken piece of him.

Content warnings:

1. Spider-Man-centered, with everyone doting on him; Batfamily-centered; Iron Man/Spider-Man pairing.

2. Out of character. The timelines and characterization draw on multiple versions of the different works. This is a blended version, with the overall setting based on my own interpretation. Some supporting characters have been newly developed. You can think of it as a parallel universe.

3. Because of point two and other reasons, character ages have been adjusted. The age gap between Iron Man and Spider-Man is smaller, and there will be versions of Iron Man and Spider-Man at various ages, but they are all the same people.

4. Not an invincible power fantasy, and not told in a linear fashion. Strong and beautiful, but not quite that tragic.

5. I’ll add more if I think of anything. The author is a pervert who writes according to personal kinks.

Upcoming story: What If I Picked the Wrong Faction from the Start?! [Marvel + DC + Sword Art Online]

Lu Xifa crossed over with his Mingjiao account.

His character had nothing at all, except for a pale, beautiful Cat Bro with an incredibly fine backside.

System: You’ve successfully played your character. You’re the unrivaled number-one assassin in the world.

System: Fail, and you’ll be nothing but a pretty waste of space by the roadside. Go be a male concubine!

To avoid becoming a male concubine, Lu Xifa tearfully embarked on a life of killing at the drop of a hat.

Luckily, he received an invitation from a sect as soon as he arrived.

The Middle Ages, the Middle East, a white-robed order of assassins, fighting evil for the people and a brighter future for humanity. Woohoo! Isn’t this Assassin’s Creed and the Brotherhood?!

Lu Xifa happily chose to join, and accidentally ended up among the leadership.

His friend Ra’s became the head of the Brotherhood? Great, time to cling to his coattails!

His leader Ra’s was immortal? No problem, he was immortal too.

His favorite senior disciple graduated, then left and never came back.

Lu Xifa: ...I knew this day would come. Wait, what do you mean my senior disciple had a son with the leader’s daughter??? (eyes wide with shock)

Newly promoted to grandmaster, Lu Xifa never learned his lesson and picked up another amnesiac, dim-witted young disciple.

Then one day...

His graduated disciple and his grand-disciple both went to Gotham, and turned red-named?!

The System, logging in belatedly: [Good news. As a member of the Valley of Evil, most organizations now see you as an enemy, especially the Justice League, the most powerful of them all.]

Lu Xifa, a die-hard Haoran Alliance player: No, no, no! How is our Brotherhood the Valley of Evil? Aren’t we the Haoran Alliance, upholding justice?!

*

Dick has a bit of a headache over his brother coming home.

Damian’s outlook has changed and he’s reformed, but he still refuses to give up inheriting the League of Assassins.

Damian: Only by becoming the leader of the League of Assassins can I inherit him!

Damian: Father was willing to give him up! Unbelievable. He truly is formidable!

Dick: Wait, inherit what? A person?!

Jason: The world’s number-one assassin? What a sweet little waifu.

Despairing Lu Xifa: You have to become the strongest to inherit the title of the world’s number-one assassin, not inherit me!

This story could also be called The Man Who Wanted to Become the World’s Number-One Assassin (not really).

Theme: The greater your power, the greater your responsibility.