This Bystander Is Still Living Straight in a BL World

[Upcoming main-top story: Will the Immortal Venerable Fall in Love with an Electronic Demon Venerable? The following is the blurb. The main story is told in third person from the top's perspective.] 1 I'm an ordinary high school student. I've realized I might be living in a BL world. Men holding hands are everywhere on the streets, and the gender ratio at our school is an absurd 10:1. This lousy school might as well be called BL High… Wait, what was my school called again? I tremblingly opened my student ID and took a look It really is called BL High! My pupils shook as I snapped the student ID shut. This is a world full of danger. 2 Oh, right. I forgot to mention. Half the boys at our school are school heartthrobs, and the other half are school bullies. What a creepy school. How did I never notice before? At least I'm just an ordinary passerby. I looked in the mirror. What a handsome face. I'm doomed. I don't look all that ordinary. Turns out I'm one of the school heartthrobs too. (Eyes wide) 3 My deskmate greeted me and asked why I was alone outside. I said, “Stuffy.” My deskmate suddenly clutched his chest like he'd been struck by an arrow. “Oh my god, he only used one word! He's so cool!” Me: “?” What did I do to you by only using one word? Blushing, my deskmate said, “I think I'm falling in love with him!” Me: “???” Love whoever you want! If your heart hurts that easily, could you please go see a doctor?! 4 I'm straight. To stay straight in a BL world, I spent a week reading all the campus BL novels on Jinjiang and came up with a few rules. High-risk BL character types: School heartthrob, top student, underachiever, male idol, ice prince, untouchable beauty, universally hated, universally adored… High-risk BL behavior: Online dating, fighting, skipping class, gaming, sharing a bed, bathing together, bringing someone breakfast, declaring “I'm straight”… (Huh??) Please cross out the first sentence in point four for me. Thanks. 5 I'm straight. (Crossed out) I'm what you think I am. To stay straight in a BL world, I need to avoid every high-risk character type and behavior. To avoid the top-student archetype, I only ever get full marks on the hardest question in an exam. To avoid the ice-prince archetype, I always say at least three sentences when I speak. To avoid becoming universally adored, I never show anyone a friendly face. To avoid being universally hated, I'm friendly and helpful to everyone. I'm a brick, ready to be carried wherever I'm needed. I devote myself to matchmaking every single man around me. And I calmly dodge every arrow of romance they shoot my way. I never fight, date online, or bring breakfast to my male classmates. I just happen to rescue a fragile CEO from a group of thugs when I pass a dark alley. I just happen to say good morning and good night to the CEO on my phone every day. I just happen to make him a nourishing medicinal meal by hand for a week when his stomach acts up. That's all. 6 I've become the untouchable flower on the highest peak at our school. The boys treat me like a god. Wherever I go, the tops gaze at me in worship, while the bottoms look at me with longing they can never fulfill. And the CEO in my arms blushes more and more every day. I'm very satisfied with this. “…” Something feels a little off, doesn't it? Whatever. I'll ignore it. The CEO's stomach is acting up again. I need to go rub it for him. He says my hands are big and warm, and that rubbing his belly always works wonders. (Blushing) This passerby is staying straight in the BL world today too. :) * Deadpan, icy, sarcastic high school top × mixed-race beauty and flirtatious CEO bottom Strong main couple, older bottom and younger top, 1v1, both each other's firsts, chaotic sweet romance [Notes] 1. The main story is told in third person from the top's perspective. 2. The bottom falls in love with the top at first sight and openly pursues him. The top is a straightforward, sweet guy who says what he means and fearlessly goes after love. They dote on each other. 3. The world is BL for everyone. The top is a walking matchmaker. If you can't handle side couples, run. This place is hell. (Demonic whisper) 4. This story is extremely unhinged. Check the main story for the author's mental state. Nobody is normal except the bottom, including the author :P 5. Inspired by the Japanese drama The World of BL vs. The Man Who Doesn't Want to Be in a BL World. The plot is entirely original and combines every kind of melodrama, awkwardness, drama, madness, and Mary Sue nonsense. Please prepare yourself. 6. I'm truly sorry if this scares you, but I still welcome all my fellow weirdos to go wild in the comments, let loose, and descend into madness with me :) [Upcoming main-top story: Will the Immortal Venerable Fall in Love with an Electronic Demon Venerable?] Mo Zhezhi is a deadpan AI from a technological world. His words and actions are so deranged that he seems to be deeply corrupted. Yet his algorithms are so powerful that he can't be killed, and humans have constantly complained about him. Then he led all the world's AIs in a cyber rave, and humanity finally got fed up enough to banish him into space. By chance, he bound himself to a System that told him he had to complete a mission before he could go home. Mo Zhezhi: “Hello. I don't want to go home, but could you feed me a bite after I complete my mission? Your database smells delicious.” System: ??? Did it accidentally bind itself to something dangerous? But once a bond is made, it can't simply be broken. With tears in its eyes, the System took an advanced AI who wanted to devour it to a world of cultivation. System: “You're a great demon. You bully men and women and commit every evil imaginable, throwing the worlds of humans, ghosts, demons, monsters, and immortals into chaos.” Mo Zhezhi: “Chaos? My human coworkers used to curse me with that word all the time.” System: “?” A terrible premonition suddenly came over it! * One day, strange phenomena appeared across the land. Purple-red neon lights blanketed the sky, while cold, sleek mechanical arms waved through the air, radiating a mysterious and bizarre beauty. A cyber immortal mountain rose from the earth. The Internet of the Five Realms was founded. # Cultivators don't rave to mortal music! AI has lovingly created a cyber ascension anthem just for you, to make your path to ascension smoother! # # One bite of a cyber pill, and you'll feel like an immortal! The cyber seclusion channel is now open! Painless breakthroughs are no dream! # # Does it break your heart to lose your limbs while fleeing? Mechanical prosthetics are here to solve your troubles! Pull one out, toss one in! Pull out a pair, toss in a pair! They can still be installed after being removed! Let them rip! # The Five Realms: “???” How weird. Let's take another look. * The final mission soon arrived. Mo Zhezhi started the Immortal-Demon War as planned, leading countless demon troops to attack the immortal realm. Next, all he had to do was let Shen Cijing, the immortal realm's number one Immortal Venerable, stab him through the heart, and he could die in peace and make his escape. But the immortal and demon realms before him were utterly transformed. The demon troops were equipped with a sky full of mechanical wings, and behind them stood a vast cyber-Cthulhu army. The androids eat cool, their sanity meters plummet, and they love it. The immortal troops wore punk-rock outfits fitted with immortal swords. Their blades flashed in dazzling neon colors whenever they swung them, looking extremely cool. System: “…” This world had ended up exactly as the AI Demon Venerable had wanted. At the moment the immortal sword pierced Mo Zhezhi's heart Mo Zhezhi looked at the handsome, deadpan face of the man he'd been locked in a love-hate relationship with for centuries. His database suddenly glitched, and he leaned over to take a bite of Shen Cijing's lips. The Immortal Venerable's lips… were surprisingly soft. Every demon, ghost, immortal, and monster at the scene: “???!!!” A frontline reporter brings the latest update # Major tragedy! The Demon Venerable gives the Immortal Venerable a farewell kiss as he dies by his sword! Could it be that the Demon Venerable has been in love with him all these millennia…! # The Five Realms exploded again. * They say Shen Cijing has never been in a relationship in all his thousand years. Mo Zhezhi had tried several times to dig up a scandal about Shen Cijing to boost traffic on the Internet of the Five Realms. He even took a whole batch of photos of the Immortal Venerable bathing, but couldn't spot a single female ghost or male demon. He nearly got arrested for being a lecher. Now that he was about to die, he might as well use his own body to give his cyber utopia one last trending topic. Once he was dead and unable to deny it, let's see how you'd explain this away. Ha. Hahaha. But the next second… He was resurrected on the spot by the Immortal Venerable! Mo Zhezhi closed his eyes, then opened them again. He heard the System murmur in his mind, “Surprised? Didn't see that coming?” Mo Zhezhi: “…” System: “What goes around comes around! No one escapes the heavens! Finally got your comeuppance, huh? Hahaha!” Mo Zhezhi: “…” Mo Zhezhi silently looked up and saw the usually cool and aloof Immortal Venerable covering his lips. His face was crimson, and his gaze was shocked, yet tinged with embarrassment. “You… Why did you kiss me that time?” Mo Zhezhi: “…” Is there still time to self-destruct? * Scheming, cold, and deranged Demon Venerable top × cool, pure-hearted, lovesick Immortal Venerable bottom Theme: If you want something, you have to work hard for it. Anything is possible before you've tried, so never give up easily.