The First Emperor's Harem

[A comedy piece. The plot is exactly as described, and it is extremely absurd and potentially upsetting. Please read the blurb before opening the story to see whether you can handle it. Thank you.] Ying Zheng woke up to find that he had transmigrated into a palace-intrigue novel set in the Qin dynasty. The “Ying Zheng” in the novel had achieved all the same things, but after unifying the realm, he became embroiled in harem rivalries, lost himself in beauty, and eventually even decided to devote his life to one woman. He dismissed his entire harem just to make his beautiful empress smile, becoming the quintessential emperor who loved beauty more than his empire. Palace-intrigue expert Ying Zheng: ??? When I put question marks, it’s not because I’m confused. It’s because I think you’re the ones with a problem! Just as Ying Zheng was preparing to meet these concubines, he realized there was something a little off about his harem... * Liu Che woke up to find that he had transmigrated into the First Emperor’s harem. He could see that he was still a man, but in everyone else’s eyes, he was a petite, delicate little girl. A voice in his head told him that he had to win Ying Zheng over if he wanted to earn survival points and stay alive. Liu Che: Heh. A man of the Han does not yield, even unto death! Later, Liu Che had to admit it was pretty great! Ying Zheng stared at Madam Liu, who had forced her way in while he was changing, and was acting all sweet as she said she wanted to attend to him. The person before him was unmistakably a burly, six-foot-three man, in both stature and appearance. Ying Zheng fell silent. * Er Feng picked his moment, stepped on his own skirt, and prepared to stage an accident against the First Emperor. First, he would complete a task and earn some survival points, then look for a chance to return to his original world. Unfortunately, the tall Lady Zhu suddenly appeared and pulled him upright before he could fall into Ying Zheng’s arms. With a smile that didn’t reach her eyes, she warned him to stand properly and not bump into His Majesty. In the palace servants’ eyes, the two ladies were jealous rivals, putting on a grand palace-intrigue show for the emperor. But to Ying Zheng, they were two hulking men awkwardly pretending to be delicate concubines with fake smiles. Ying Zheng: ...Nine. So all my concubines are men? As Madam Liu, Lady Liu, and Lady Zhao appeared one after another, Ying Zheng’s gaze grew sharper and sharper. My harem has no room for idlers! Later, Noble Consort Li tearfully led troops to slaughter the Xiongnu, all for the chance to have a heart-to-heart with the First Emperor. A heart-to-heart at night First Emperor: We’ve completed this objective, and you’re one step closer to becoming empress. Next, we’ll start preparing to expand our territory and plant the Great Qin flag across the entire globe! Noble Consort Li: Brother Zheng, stop reciting, please! What kind of devil talks about expanding the empire in bed with a concubine? [Tears streaming as she pounds the bed] First Emperor: Little Huo next door and Little Zhu next door are about to earn the title of Wolf of Langjuxu. As for the empress position... Noble Consort Li: I can do it! Brother Zheng, just leave it to me! The First Emperor smiled faintly. Then let’s keep talking. The concubines: QAQ There’s no such thing as unrequited love here. We’re all fighting for our lives and livelihoods with everything we’ve got! Xiongnu: Don’t come any closer!!! Warnings: 1. The plot is wildly melodramatic and historically inaccurate. Everything that happens is part of a fictional fan work set in a parallel world. Please don’t nitpick the history! 2. The protagonist has a career arc and a friendship arc, but no romance. Don’t read if that bothers you. 3. The First Emperor is the most captivating character. All the concubines will pull all sorts of stunts, only to be sent into 24/7 work mode by the workaholic emperor. 4. Most of the concubines are famous historical figures, and possibly all of them. Don’t read if that bothers you. Theme: Workers have spirit; work hard and rise to the top!