After Three Hundred Years of Cultivation, I Was Struck by Lightning Back to Earth to Open a Gourmet B&B

After dying suddenly from overwork, corporate drone An Sinian transmigrated to a cultivation world and spent three hundred years there.

The very next second after successfully establishing his foundation, he died again. A demonic inner affliction triggered a triple lightning strike that kicked him straight back to Earth.

An inner demon…?

He couldn’t for the life of him figure out what it was.

1. Was it the lottery ticket he hadn’t had time to cash in before transmigrating?

2. The report he hadn’t managed to hand in to his bald boss before working himself to death?

3. Or his scumbag ex, whom he hadn’t gotten to take revenge on despite being in a long-distance relationship for two years and married for three?

4. His parents’ second child, conceived after he came out, the little brother he’d never met?

Whatever. He couldn’t be bothered to guess.

Since he was back, there was no point going back to that awful job.

First, cash in the lottery ticket!

Then open a gourmet guesthouse → build a private cultivation retreat → take on a few apprentices he likes the look of →

And pick up a sharp-tongued, handsome retired cop as his personal driver along the way.

As for the spiritual qi revival and supernatural awakenings? Surely they have nothing to do with me.

Everything was going great, until the day he formally opened his mountain sect, when his human apprentices nearly came to blows.

Apprentice A, fresh back from suppressing earthquakes in Sakura Country: “I chop ingredients for Master, so I’m always closest to him. I’m the senior disciple.”

Apprentice B, just back from clearing floodwaters: “I run errands and shop for Master, and I’m the oldest. I’m the senior disciple.”

Apprentice C waved the giant python tendon in their hand. “Stop arguing! I do two jobs, receptionist and accountant. Who dares challenge me? I have to be the senior sister!”

The apprentices in the demon-folk group had taken human form late. They didn’t have jobs, let alone ID cards, so they didn’t dare say a word.

A kind guest trying to break up the fight said, “Why not be fair and go by seniority? Who did your master teach first?”

Yan Zhen: ???

Why are you all looking at me?

I worked hard to become the mistress of the sect. Don’t drag me into this.

~A fictional modern city, old-school tech and my own take on cultivation, slice of life, food above all (according to this silly author’s tastes)

~Mentally younger, physically older

~The protagonist’s affinity for wood-type energy makes him slightly of a heartthrob, with plenty of unrequited crushes. The ex was an online relationship with nothing physical. Both are virgins, happy ending.

A laid-back foodie bottom who wants to lounge but keeps getting blessed by fate × a gloomy, battle-worn top who nearly died but somehow didn’t

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Upcoming novel: "Plans Changed, Time to Ascend the Throne"

Ninth Prince Xiao Ting’s greatest ambition in life was to cling to his big brother the Crown Prince, then eventually get his own fief and live a smooth, pampered life of dissipation.

One day, sent by the Crown Prince to meet a prospective bride, he found not Miss Fei waiting for him, but her famous older brother, Fei Shi.

The general, styled Jianghu, stood eight feet tall and was broad and imposing, yet spoke in a mystifying way. He claimed they were both doomed minor villains from a book, destined to follow the Crown Prince in a failed rebellion and die without a grave.

“We’re in the same boat. Let me help you.” Fei Shi patted his shoulder. “As for getting married? Forget it. You’re still on the King of Hell’s list.”

Xiao Ting thought, What a load of crap. He smiled on the outside, then went straight to the Eastern Palace to snitch as soon as his guest had left.

Only to walk right in on the Crown Prince trying on a newly made imperial robe.

Xiao Ting: O.O

All right, Brother Jianghu. Now we really are in the same boat.

It was too late to side with another imperial brother, and none of the royals were any good.

To stay alive, Xiao Ting came up with a plan: he’d pretend to be gay and drop out of the succession race for good!

And who better to do it with than his good friend Fei Shi, who knew the plot inside out?

He’d fan his friend in the sweltering summer and warm his bed in the bitter winter.

Apart from coming up with recipes to suit his tastes, building houses for comfort, and teasing the students at the children’s academy, Xiao Ting kept a low profile and stayed well away from politics.

Until one day, he closed his eyes and opened them to find the whole court standing at attention, while his good friend held out an imperial crown and smiled at him with refined gentleness.

“Plans have changed. It’s time to ascend the throne.”

-

Fei Shi had transmigrated into a book a month ago, and every day he missed modern air conditioning and food delivery.

His new character was a general fated to rebel and lose his head. Fei Shi himself was simply a philosophy professor who would rather lie down than sit.

Then he met Xiao Ting, the foolish, troublesome ninth prince from the book, who was destined for a miserable death.

Fei Shi had only meant to offer a few casual pointers and make a friend. Who knew the prince would nod along, then turn around and go cause trouble at the Eastern Palace?

Watching Xiao Ting stumble back, grab his sleeve, and cry, “Brother Jianghu, save me,” Fei Shi lay sprawled in his chair without even opening his eyes.

“Easy. First, stop meddling in politics. Second, take up some harmless hobbies. And then… well, winter’s cold. Start by warming up my room.”

Fei Shi’s only intention was to keep Xiao Ting busy so he’d stop bothering him.

Who knew the prince would take every word as a royal decree?

The execution skills of an idiot are terrifying.

Fei Shi munched on the honey buns Xiao Ting had baked while watching him hum as he drew up plans for a new city, and suddenly thought

Maybe this lousy book can be saved after all.

As for Xiao Ting constantly sneaking into his room, warming his bed, then propping his chin on his hands and blinking up at him with his snowy-white feet kicked up: “Brother Jianghu, do I seem like a gay man?”

Fei Shi swallowed his bun and calmly wiped his hands.

“Sure. How could you not?”

But he only seemed like one. It was obvious he’d never seriously studied what being gay actually meant.

No matter.

Fei Shi had plenty of ways to teach him in person.

In a nutshell: The top who transmigrated into a book gives orders, while the silly bottom does the construction. Their fake relationship gradually turns into a founding legend as they try to stay alive.

A beautiful bottom who’s foolish and troublesome but remarkably determined × a lazy, greedy professor who’d rather lie down than sit

~Mutual devotion, both are virgins, happy ending

Come check out my completed novels:

"The Canaries at Captain Yan’s House Have Gained Human Form"

"Dear Anatomy Teacher"

"Isn’t He Just the Delicate Beauty?"

"The Cat-Eyed Little Omega and His Sharp-Tongued Big Shot"

Theme: Failure is the starting point you define for yourself. The struggle never ends.