I’m Done Being a Strategist!

The complete story is finished! Sending you a heart! My next story will be The Foolish Guy Can Bloom, with a flower growing on the protagonist’s head. [A bottom who just wants to lie flat but keeps getting mistaken for a wizard and forced to kill kings x a rebellious top who pretends to be honest while playing the pig to eat the tiger] [A company can’t have two rebellious employees, or it’ll go bankrupt] What’s so bad about serving three masters? Ever since a fortune-teller declared me the greatest strategist in the world, I’ve been forced to work for five bosses! My first boss was vicious and cruel, and would kill people whenever things didn’t go his way. I told him, “Your Majesty, you mustn’t! Win the people’s hearts and you win the world!” He wouldn’t listen and tried to kill me, too. So I got him killed. My second boss put on a show of benevolence and righteousness while keeping track of everyone’s every little offense. He couldn’t take advice and was always making life difficult for people. I told him, “Your Majesty, this is unbecoming. An emperor should be broad-minded and sincere.” He wouldn’t listen and made life difficult for me, too. So I got him killed. My third boss didn’t have any major flaws, except that he was stingy. Extremely stingy. I told him, “Your Majesty, the soldiers need to eat their fill, at the very least, and you can’t skimp on your strategist’s wages. Being this cheap won’t last.” He wouldn’t listen. He refused to pay me and wanted me to work for free! So I got him killed. I was utterly exhausted and longed to retire in the mountains. But then I was “invited” away again. Luckily, this lord seemed decent! Strong in battle, respectful of talented people, and paid me well! I thought I’d finally found a wise ruler I could work for until retirement. Then my boss got married and went crazy on the very first day of his honeymoon. Damn it, he was a lovesick fool! I tried to advise him to put his work first. He wouldn’t listen. He even said I didn’t understand love. So I got him and his wife killed together. By then, I’d killed four bosses, and a legend had spread through the martial world: whoever hired me would end up dead. I was crushed and furious! Like I wanted this?! You people begged me to come over again and again, and threatened to tear your houses down if I refused! I’m done being a strategist! As I grumbled and packed my things, relieved that I could finally lie flat and go home, someone grabbed my donkey by the tail. I spun around in a rage! The other underling who’d followed me around killing kings said with utter sincerity, “Corporate slave, work for me one more time.” That devious man had secretly taken over the entire staff of my first four kings! I wanted to kill him. But he was experienced enough to avoid all the pitfalls, and he was a bit of a lovesick fool for me, too. ...I couldn’t bring myself to do it. At last, I became the greatest strategist in the world. Whoever I served would win the realm. Damn it. I can finally take a break. * [Important warning! Except for the seventh king, every king has something particularly infuriating about him! Kill, kill, kill! If you can’t stand it, feel free to run.] [But killing kings at the end is going to be so much fun, hahaha!] [Who hasn’t been a wage slave, stuck with a few lousy bosses?] Theme: Put people first. Don’t exploit ordinary people.