How to Properly Lull a Tyrant to Sleep

Main story complete, with an extra-long bonus chapter and revisions underway A bewitching consort who can turn anything, black or white, into something erotic x a cold-blooded, merciless, terrifyingly violent, mentally unstable emperor who chops people down like vegetables Shen Ling transmigrates into the role of an unabashed spy, sent by his villainous older brother to infiltrate the tyrant’s side. The tyrant is cruel and sinister, with countless deaths to his name. He refuses to listen to slander and has slaughtered every spy in the group. With only Shen Ling left, the tyrant asks what he is there for. The tyrant has no interest in women. Shen Ling lifts the head that supposedly looks five parts like the tyrant’s “unforgettable first love” and stammers, “I’ve admired Your Majesty for a long time. I came to offer myself to you.” The tyrant says, “I have no use for useless people. Show me a talent.” So Shen Ling sings a patriotic song in his croaky voice. When the song ends, the tyrant gives him a complicated look, then takes him into the imperial harem. After that, Shen Ling nervously ends up in bed with the tyrant. Timid yet flirtatious, he uses every trick he can think of to reel the tyrant in, until he becomes a gloriously seductive consort. He keeps the tyrant, who suffers from headaches and insomnia, up all night and too besotted to attend court in the morning, winning all three thousand of the emperor’s favors for himself. Shen Ling had been muddling through each day, lazier than a salted fish, doing little more than coaxing the tyrant into sleeping in, taking afternoon naps, and going to bed at night. Then, one day, a System suddenly appeared and told him that Heaven had chosen him to support the young emperor, the protagonist, in defeating his tyrant father, killing his wicked brothers, and executing the treacherous ministers filling the court, so that peace and prosperity could reign throughout the land. The loyal general looked at the hair draped over the tyrant and the hands clinging to his back, then apologized to the System. “System, you’re too late. I’m afraid I can’t be a loyal subject. I can only be his stepmom now.” System: “????” Also known as: “The System Shows Up Twenty Years Too Late,” “So You Transmigrated Too, Brother Emperor?” and “You’re Way Too Good at Pretending” Reading guide: 1. One-on-one pairing, no switching or breaking them up. The leads are devoted to each other in body and mind. There is a small amount of same-sex supporting romance, but those characters are mostly in the background. 2. No possessive fantasies or self-insert daydreaming. Please don’t call the characters your husband or wife. 3. The characters aren’t perfect and have major flaws. This isn’t a political scheming story, just a sweet little indulgence for a particular kink. 4. Please don’t argue or make personal attacks. The author will delete such comments. Please add to your reading list “Founding Patriarch” The founding patriarch is reborn one day, waking up in the body of his unfilial descendant, Liu Mian. This descendant is no good at either writing or martial arts. He’s a lovesick, gay, looks-obsessed flirt with more beloved older brothers than he can count on his fingers and toes. By nature, he’s lazy and indulgent, and he’s been spoiled into a good-for-nothing who loves comfort and has a silver tongue. The good-for-nothing has no ambition and only wants to be kept as a pretty boy. Every day, he dresses up like a peacock showing off its tail and parades in front of his betrothed. Then he gets the whole package: a broken engagement, an assassination attempt, and a trip to the mass grave. The good-for-nothing lies in the mass grave, sobbing. He thinks that if he dies, his betrothed will surely be heartbroken and realize how wonderful he was. The patriarch is furious. He taps his unworthy descendant on the forehead and scolds him. “Are you stupid? Are you stupid? Someone could sell you and you’d still count the money for them! How did the heir of the greatest sect under Heaven end up like this? How can you let others walk all over you? Have some pride. If you’re going to sleep with a man, then you’d better be the one on top!” The founding patriarch of the greatest sect under Heaven had been the strongest person in the world eight hundred years ago. The sect had flourished, and surely eight hundred years later his disciples and their descendants would be unstoppable Liu Mian: “What greatest sect under Heaven? It collapsed ages ago!” The current sect leader, a destitute failure with a ruined core and crippled cultivation, returns to the mountain and sees… No, how did it collapse?! His vast estate! All those mountains! Not one of his descendants could amount to anything? What a bunch of dead weight! The once-grand and illustrious greatest sect under Heaven has been pawned off by its “devoted descendants,” leaving just a small plot of barren land, a thatched hut, and a basket of sweet potatoes. The founding patriarch sheds tears over the ground for a quarter of an hour, then drives the good-for-nothing out of the sect and sets off to start a new one. The unfilial descendant sobs over his sweet potato and asks what the patriarch plans to do. The patriarch gazes at the sky. “Naturally, I’m returning to my old line of work.” Cultivate, farm, make money, beg, and restore the sect! A lazy, flirtatious, pretty-boy good-for-nothing bottom x a chuunibyou, overachieving, domineering ancestor top who works himself to death Theme: The radiance of humanity in desperate times