How to Properly Lull a Tyrant to Sleep

The main story is complete. Extra-long bonus chapters and revisions in progress.

A flirtatious concubine who can turn anything, whether wholesome or dirty, into something erotic X a cold-blooded, merciless, terrifying, violent, axe-crazy emperor who can chop people down like vegetables and makes everyone tremble at the mere mention of him.

Shen Ling transmigrates and becomes an openly acknowledged spy, sent by his villainous older brother to infiltrate the Tyrant's side.

The Tyrant is cruel and sinister, with countless lives on his hands. He refuses to listen to slander, and after he has slaughtered every spy sent with Shen Ling except for Shen Ling himself, he asks what he came here for.

The Tyrant has no interest in women. Shen Ling tilts up the face said to resemble the Tyrant's "white moonlight" by fifty percent and stammers, "I've admired Your Majesty for ages, so I came to offer myself to your bed."

The Tyrant says, "I have no use for useless people. Show me what you can do."

So Shen Ling sings a patriotic song in a voice like a busted gong.

When the song ends, the Tyrant gives him a complicated look, then raises a hand and takes him into the imperial harem.

After that, Shen Ling nervously tumbles into bed with the Tyrant. He's both timid and daring, and uses every trick he can to reel the Tyrant in until he has him grinning like a hooked fish. He becomes a consummate seducer, keeping the headache-ridden, sleepless Tyrant so busy in bed that he neglects court, and winning all of his favor.

Shen Ling had been muddling through each day like a listless salted fish, doing little more than coaxing the Tyrant into sleeping in, taking afternoon naps, and going to bed at night. Then one day, a System suddenly appears and tells him that Heaven chose him to support the young protagonist emperor in defeating his Tyrant father, killing his wicked brothers, and executing the treacherous officials in court, until the land is peaceful and the people prosper.

The loyal general looks at his hair draped over the Tyrant and his hands clinging to the Tyrant's back, then apologizes to the System. "System, you're too late. I'm afraid I can't be a loyal general. I can only be the little stepmother."

System: "????"

Also known as The System Arrived Twenty Years Too Late, So the Emperor Brother Was Reborn Too, and You're Way Too Good at Pretending.

Reader's Guide:

1. One-on-one pairing, no switching. The top and bottom are devoted to each other in body and mind. There is a tiny same-sex side pairing with little page time.

2. No fans who are obsessed with only the top or only the bottom. No dream-girl fantasies, and please don't call the characters your husband or wife.

3. The characters are flawed, with major personality defects. This isn't a political intrigue story, just a sweet little indulgence for a particular kink.

4. No arguing or personal attacks. The author will delete comments.

Coming soon:

The Founding Patriarch

The founding patriarch is reborn overnight, awakening in the body of his unfilial descendant, Liu Mian.

This descendant is useless at both letters and martial arts, a lovesick pretty-boy who likes men and is obsessed with looks. He has more beloved big brothers than he can count on his fingers and toes. Born with a wandering heart and a lazy disposition, he has been spoiled into a slothful, silver-tongued little waste of space.

The useless brat has no ambition and only wants to be kept by a rich man. Every day he dresses up like a peacock showing off its feathers and parades in front of his fiance.

Then he gets the full package: a broken engagement, an assassination attempt, and a trip to the mass grave.

The useless brat lies in the mass grave, sobbing. He thinks that now he's dead, his fiance will surely be devastated and remember how good he was.

The patriarch is furious. He taps the unfilial descendant on the forehead and scolds him. "Are you stupid? Are you stupid? Someone sells you, and you even count the money for him! How has the heir of the greatest sect in the world fallen so low? How can you let yourself be beneath others? Have some ambition! If you're going to sleep with a man, you have to be the one on top!"

He was the founding patriarch of the greatest sect in the world, the number one cultivator eight hundred years ago. The sect had flourished, and he thought that eight hundred years later his disciples and their descendants would be able to conquer heaven and earth with a flick of their wrists.

Liu Mian says, "What greatest sect in the world? It collapsed ages ago!"

The current sect leader, a destitute cultivator with a damaged core and broken cultivation, returns to the sect and sees the place: ...

Wait, how did it collapse?!

He had such a huge estate! So many mountains! Not one of his disciples and their descendants managed to amount to anything?

Useless!

The once majestic and illustrious greatest sect in the world has been pawned off by its "dutiful descendants" until all that remains is a thin strip of farmland, a thatched hut, and a basket of sweet potatoes.

The founding patriarch weeps over the land for a quarter of an hour, then beats the useless brat and leaves the sect to start his own school.

The unfilial descendant munches on a sweet potato and bawls, asking what he intends to do.

The patriarch gazes at the sky. "Naturally, I'm returning to my old line of work."

Cultivate, farm, make money, beg for alms, and restore the sect!

A charming, lazy, pretty-boy waste of space, the bottom X an over-the-top, never-tire-of-grinding-himself-into-the-ground, chuunibyou, domineering ancestor, the top.

Theme: The light of humanity shines brightest in desperate times.