Stay Away from Sword Cultivators, or You'll Be Unlucky

The sword cultivator alternate-universe side story can be found in my collection, “Two Sword Cultivators Singing Among the Green Willows.” 1. Cheng Xi transmigrates into a book, straight into a hellish situation. His hometown, Qiyun Immortal Manor, is a blight on the cultivation world and is doomed to be wiped out. He is a weak, useless villain, and, worst of all, his timing is impeccable: he transmigrates just as the brick in the original shou’s hand is 0.001 meters from his head. And after careful observation, Cheng Xi suspects the protagonist shou who is about to destroy the evidence isn’t the original version, but a possibly reborn, darker 2.0 edition. Looking at the protagonist shou who is about to bury him, Cheng Xi bursts out of his coffin, grabs his hand, and cries out with heartfelt sincerity: “Don’t be blinded by love! Don’t be a doormat! Stay away from your stupid friends and family, your clueless juniors, and your heartless sword cultivator lover!” Original shou: “...You’re acting weird.” 2. Jing Xiaohan, Heaven’s favored son, an aloof beauty, stone-faced and taciturn. He wields a sword and follows the Way of Ruthlessness. In the eyes of outsiders, he is the perfect immortal lord. But he has a secret: he transmigrated into a book, so he knows this character setup will only earn him one thing: a background-character role and a soul-crushing wife-chasing crematorium package. To avoid becoming a world-destroying maniac, he takes every precaution. He never teams up when fighting monsters, always wears a mask when he goes out, never picks up random things while shopping, regularly checks his mental health to prevent a split personality, and spends ten years practicing the sword in the mountains. When he finally comes out, he discovers the world has changed. Hey, the original shou isn’t interested in him anymore. Both transmigrate into a book Jing Xiaohan (gong) x Cheng Xi (shou) A socially fearless, thick-skinned, lazy, sickly shou with a chaotic social disorder x a bizarrely wired, mentally unhinged, goofy gong who can really fight Reader’s guide: 1. A parody, sweet romance, and highly unconventional cultivation story. The whole cast is a bunch of ridiculous comedians, and the story starts on the second run-through. 2. A firm 1v1 pairing. Make sure you read the gong and shou’s names carefully! Seriously, make sure you get them right! If you ship them the wrong way, you might end up sad. 3. The plot and logic are dead. This is pure wish fulfillment, whipped up on a whim by the author, who may occasionally go off the rails. [Content warnings] 1. There is a pinned thread listing content warnings. Warnings for the free chapters are pinned in the comments on Chapter 2, and those for the paid chapters are pinned in the comments on Chapter 27. (If you want to add a warning, please reply courteously under the pinned comment so everything can be compiled.) 2. I respect readers’ right to comment and to give content warnings, and I will not delete comments. [If you want a comment deleted, please contact me.] Here’s the divider where I ask you to save my upcoming novel Coming soon: Historical danmei “After Everyone’s Scorn Becomes the Court’s Public Enemy’s Husband,” please add it to your collection! Yuan Xi was once a young prodigy and the capital’s most dashing, romantic young nobleman. Then the court underwent a great upheaval. His family was destroyed, and he spent a year in prison. When he was released, he was left with barely half a life: his martial arts were gone, he could barely walk, and he had been poisoned. His friend cut ties with him, his master urged him to end his suffering, and his enemies waited eagerly for him to collapse so they could swarm in and leave not even a scrap of his bones. With nowhere else to turn and the rest of his family to protect, he had no choice but to seek help from the most ruthless and powerful man at court. That man had once praised his looks. Yuan Xi thought, if he had to sell himself anyway, he might as well get the highest price possible. So he sheathed all his claws and, wearing his most gentle and harmless expression, threw himself into the arms of the most notorious villain at court. As long as he could survive and get revenge, he would do anything. The servants dressed him in humiliating clothes and took him to the study. He expected to be subjected to every kind of abuse, but instead... The regent, a power-hungry wolf whom everyone feared, was staring blankly at a stack of memorials in his study. When he saw Yuan Xi, his eyes lit up. The regent said solemnly, “I’m very particular and have no patience for fools. Come over and edit a memorial for me.” Yuan Xi: “...” On his first day at the residence, the regent said he wanted to test his abilities and made him edit memorials all night. Yuan Xi’s eyes blurred as he worked through the memorials, convinced the regent was testing him. By the end of the night, the regent was extremely pleased, so he summoned Yuan Xi to his bed night after night and had him edit memorials night after night. Three months later, the regent watched him use the regent’s influence to make moves of his own, form factions, and eliminate his enemies. Instead of scolding him, the regent praised him for a job well done. Yuan Xi thought the regent must have hit his head and lost his mind. Six months later, the regent wrapped his arms around Yuan Xi’s waist and confessed through tears, “That’s right, I transmigrated into this book, so I really have no idea how to govern!” Yuan Xi: “...” What else could he do? He had chosen the man, so he would have to put up with him. Reader’s guide: 1. A forced-to-be-ambitious, universally feared, argumentative gong x a beautiful, strong, tragic shou despised by everyone. A villain couple. 2. The crematorium turns into a dessert shop. 3. The gong transmigrates into a book; the shou is the original character. Theme: Break free from a predetermined fate, and learn to love yourself before loving someone else.