[Western Crossover] Batkid, but a Villainess

[Complete: Western Crossover, Ak/Bucket BG, “What If You Heard Robin Calling for Help in Arkham”] No matter the circumstances, Lillian Wayne was always especially awful to her brothers-in-law. Before she discovered her whole family's nighttime identities, she couldn't understand why Bruce kept adopting children. One Grayson, climbing all over Wayne Manor like a monkey, wasn't enough, so he had to take in Todd too, a kid from a place as disreputable as Crime Alley. The latter had even stolen four tires from her motorcycle. Bruce was simply too kindhearted. But where did he get the energy to save everyone in Gotham? Whenever her silly, sweet Daddy gently tried to reason with her, saying, “Family should get along,” Lillian would just nod perfunctorily, then forget the whole thing the moment she turned around. Hah. She had no obligation to care about anyone's feelings. If they couldn't even handle her verbal attacks and contempt, that only proved how useless they were. Useless people deserved to be weeded out. That was the law of “survival of the fittest.” So when Harvey was attacked with acid, she was too scared to look at her godfather's disfigured face; she failed to discover in time that Grayson was the first Robin; when Todd called, she didn't stop him from running off to find his birth mother; and she didn't kill the Joker before Barbara was hurt. Naturally, those were all signs of her incompetence. As for when Drake showed up on her doorstep, Lillian had just proposed to Nightwing, offering to come back as Robin in exchange, and been rejected. She'd never imagined that one day she'd help Bruce adopt a child. “Remember your place, Drake.” Even then, Lillian didn't forget to show her claws. “Remember your job and your responsibilities. Don't let me see you fall short of your predecessor. Oh, though that would mean you'd die even sooner.” Gotham was supposed to be a “blessed land,” yet somehow so many good people had gathered around Lillian. She was arrogant, overbearing, a bully who picked on the weak, driven by self-interest, completely uncivilized, and contemptuous of life. But even as a terrible person, at least she was hard to bribe and obeyed the law. Why, then, was everyone around her so much more virtuous? Oh, obviously Damian, who nearly picked a fight with her as soon as he arrived at the manor, was an exception. But why did he want to become Robin, too? Before long, they were praising him for “improving under the right guidance?” Maybe she was the only one in the family who wasn't a vigilante, an outsider who had never wanted to “better herself” or do the “right” thing. After emptying her magazine into the Joker, Lillian tossed her gun aside. Batman came charging toward her again, seemingly trying to hug her, and she said, “I still prefer this way of dealing with nightmares.” At last, she felt no fear that she'd disappointed her father, no lingering shock at having just killed someone. All she felt was regret that she hadn't murdered the Joker sooner. How much time had she wasted? That's right, Lillian thought. She should have admitted who she was long ago. * The heroine is extremely cutthroat, foul-mouthed, unconditionally on her dad's side, and has her aggression turned up to the max. She may not be nice to the Robins. Readers with strong moral sensibilities may want to steer clear. If you find you can't stomach it, run. If you come at me with unsolicited criticism, I'll hit back. * I don't really want to spoil things, but people keep attacking me over this: another Bat-kid picked up partway through the story. So don't ask how she ended up with this personality. Her dad didn't raise her when she was little. * I revised the blurb. Lillian was originally supposed to be even worse, but unbelievably, she does improve under her family's influence. It's just rough on the first one. (Bro: In the end, I bore it all.) * Dad probably won't have a pairing. There'll be a little BatCat and BatTalia, and a few BatBruce jokes. Supergirl and Lois break up, then get back together; DickBabs is dropped (there's no romance at all); TimSteph isn't romantic, but their relationship remains important. Add Lillian to the mix and the trio dynamic is delicious! But it's DC, so please cut me some slack with the messy relationships. * The pairing will probably be one of Wing, Bucket, or Tim (three different flavors, I want them all.jpg). Super leans toward a neglectful dad role for Two-Face, and there'll be some twisted secret-identity jokes. In short, even if there's a romance, it won't be purely a love story [important]. I'll write what I feel like writing, and no matter what happens, Dad's place in her heart won't change. * You have to believe the author loves everyone in the Batfamily! Next novel, coming soon: “[Western Crossover] If You Become Robin, Do You Inherit Your Lover?” Bruce's rumored lover is Batman, so it makes perfect sense that his newly found daughter's lover would be Robin, right? Bruce: ...Wait, Illyth, before anything else. Bruce: Robin has changed hands. Which Robin are we talking about? The first time Dick met Illyth was on a Gotham gargoyle. One of her feet dangled precariously, and she looked as if she might fall from the sky at any moment. Her figure seemed almost too frail in the night wind. “Hey!” Robin, wearing green-scaled shorts, flipped backward through the air and landed soundlessly on another gargoyle beside her. “Do you need help, miss?” “I came here to find you, Robin.” The girl, who'd worn a blank expression until then, smiled and held out her hand. “I'm going to be your lover.” Jason never expected to be mistaken for someone else. Well, he was wearing the Robin suit, but his leaps weren't as light as the circus kid's, his build wasn't as tall and straight as the first Robin's, and he wasn't as popular as the Golden Boy... So why had this girl mistaken him for someone else? Jason considered correcting her, but she seemed to think he was some kind of “second personality” and insisted, “Batman is a vampire, so Robin can adjust his body whenever he wants.” Forget it! This was obviously something the person involved should explain to his girlfriend (or maybe ex-girlfriend?) himself! Or perhaps... Jason would reveal the secret after he came back from Ethiopia. Maybe he wouldn't be a “replacement.” Maybe she'd choose him, too. Right? When Tim volunteered to become Robin, he never expected to be asked this. “Robin.” Illyth's face was full of anticipation in the glow of the Bat-Signal. “What was the secret you said you'd tell me when you got back?” The future Red Robin broke out in a cold sweat. ...No! The death of Bruce Wayne's second adopted son absolutely could not be tied to the changing of the Robins! He'd have to pretend to be the previous one... Batman never said becoming Robin meant dealing with this! “TT.” Damian raised his chin haughtily. “If I become Robin, I can inherit him? Excellent, then I will...” Bruce's eyes widened in horror. “Noooooooo!!!” * The only Robin disqualified from inheriting (1.37-meter version) was forced to take a seat on the judges' panel. “Fine. Todd is the third wife, Drake is the fourth...” “Wait!” Spoiler poked her head out. “I'm the fourth wife!” The official partner, Nightwing, looked proud, while the Red Robin demoted to fifth place shrank back. “Hmph.” A two-hundred-pound person scoffed. “Still better than someone who doesn't even qualify to be the sixth wife.” Amid the chaotic scuffle, the butler hero spoke calmly. “Perhaps I should brush up on the wedding preparations in advance. As the father, you'll offer the newlyweds your blessing, won't you, Lord Bruce?” Bruce: ...Wait, which son is she marrying? == Next short story: “[DC] Keep an Eye on the Kryptonians, Save Me from Suicide” After Superman was killed by Doomsday, you, having already failed to kill yourself three times, began another attempt. Superman was dead, and Clark was gone. This time, no one would stop you. Then you saw a miniature Superman flying toward you, wearing sunglasses and a leather jacket with the LexCorp logo on the shoulder, striking a smug pose. ...Seriously, again? Wasn't Superman supposed to be the last Kryptonian? You declare that Lex Luthor has permanently lost your vote for president. Permanently. * “Is life always this painful, or is it only like this when you're a child?” “That's just how life is.” Clark said to you, “But even if it's cloudy today and rains tomorrow, someday you'll have a bright, sunny day.” He smiled, as warm as sunlight. “What if something good happens tomorrow?” Theme: Saving the world takes more than heroes. It takes everyone's effort.