Winning Earth Back From the Gods' Card Game

[Coming soon: I Think I Really Am the Future BOSS. Blurb at the end.] The apocalypse arrives without warning. In a single night, the entire Earth quietly vanishes. When Yan Li wakes up, still clutching a frying pan and a food basin, he’s been pulled into the Interstellar Civilization Card Game, a place where the gods amuse themselves. As long as you’re strong enough, you can win anything here. Ding-dong! Registration for Beginner Game No. 17 is now open. The winner will receive 1% of “Earth, a planet in the Milky Way solar system.” Onlookers whisper among themselves. “Isn’t Earth the civilization that went bankrupt in the recent purge? Its carbon-based life forms have nearly used up all its energy. There can’t be anything good left, right?” Many agree. “Exactly! What would anyone want that for? It’s only good for experiments in wasteland farming!” As everyone laughs, Yan Li clenches his fists. If you don’t want it, give it back to us! The hot-blooded youth plops down and sets up a street stall. “Don’t throw away your unwanted cards! You can trade them for stainless-steel basins here!” A moment later, he heads to register with a hand full of lousy cards. An impassive mechanical voice says, “Please fill out your registration information.” Name: Li Civilization: Earth Self-introduction: An ordinary Earthling. Starting with a hand full of lousy cards, he’ll win Earth back. The gods look down from on high as they watch mortals battle, choosing their own “followers” to represent them in the final showdown. The gods have this to say about Yan Li: God of Light: Not elegant enough. God of War: A cheap trickster. God of Wisdom: Too impatient. One rebellious evil god: Hahaha, stainless-steel basins! “I only ever draw one card. I’m betting you’re the trump card.” A chuunibyou troublemaking evil god × an ordinary (?) Earthling *The rules are inspired by Yu-Gi-Oh!, Hearthstone, and Onmyoji: The Card Game. [Coming soon: I Think I Really Am the Future BOSS] I got myself a little boyfriend. He’s fierce and wild and never admits he likes me, but he cooks really well and blushes when he kisses me. He’s adorable. The only thing is, his chuunibyou is pretty bad. He keeps saying he remembers the future, and that I’m destined to become the great villain, so one day he’ll have to kill me. Me: “Mm-hmm, sure, sweetheart.” Then one morning, I open my eyes to find him wearing a black combat suit, his polished boots planted on my bed, and the dark muzzle of a gun aimed at me. There’s murder in his eyes as he says, “S-rank Calamity ‘Doomsayer,’ you’ve finally awakened.” My sleepiness vanishes. I slap at his shoes in mock anger. “How can you wear your shoes on the bed!” The hand Jiang Ce has on the gun pauses. He bats my hand away. I stare blankly, finally realizing what’s about to happen. Slowly, I pull the covers over the lower half of my face and say, a little bashfully, “I-Isn’t this a little intense first thing in the morning…” Jiang Ce: “…” Later, I learn two things: One: My boyfriend, Jiang Ce, is the future captain of the First Squad in the Special Incidents Division, and he really has awakened his memories of the future. Two: On the day the paranormal returned, I regained my memories. I really am the infamous S-rank Calamity, “Doomsayer.” Now there are two problems: One: Jiang Ce thinks I’ve taken over Huo Yan’s body. In fact, it’s been me all along. I’m just not very good at pretending to be human sometimes. Two: Destroying the Earth isn’t much fun. My boyfriend is way more appealing. How can I make him believe “Doomsayer” is already dead? Being human is really hard. Theme: Earthlings never give up easily.