Winter Is a Football Outsider

[Warning: This story is all about fun and dark humor. There is little realistic match coverage, and the relationships between characters are heavily shaped by subjective interpretation. Read with caution, dear readers! Some deliberately over-the-top scenes may hit a nerve!] [I'm still working out the outline. Updates are irregular, so enter at your own risk!] Winter is a football player. He has a dream: to become one of the world's top football managers. One day, he receives a game called [Manager Simulator]. Curious, he downloads it. But after it installs on his computer, nothing happens when he tries to launch it. Then, that night, as he falls asleep, the game interface pops up. [Begin your brilliant career as a manager.] How do you stop the opposing striker? Pick a good goalkeeper! Neuer: Last night I had a dream that all my teammates were goalkeepers. We held them off, but we didn't win. Lahm: Dreams aren't real, Manu. What is top-tier tactics? Total football! Lahm: This is insane. What manager would put only five forwards and five defenders on the pitch? Who's supposed to link up play in midfield? Muller: Hahahaha, what is this? Some fan parody? How do you score? Put on a striker! Muller: This is bizarre, but for the first time ever, I dreamed I was playing alongside nine forwards... Neuer: Actually... I had the same dream. Muller: Hahaha, of course you're a goalkeeper... Uh... You had the dream too? More victims will be crying out from their hospital beds: “Winter! You don't know the first thing about this!” Theme: The joy of football