[Football] The Leveraging Center-Forward

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Eden Mitchell is a quarter Scottish, a quarter English, half Italian, and 100% a leveraged target man.

He spent years going under in the financial markets. You tell me, did he make money or lose it?

Eden Mitchell says, "I've figured it out."

Other football stars score on the pitch and have a good time off it.

Eden Mitchell loses money off the pitch and goes beast mode on it.

This led to the so-called "Mitchell Theorem" being passed around the football world: the more he loses, the more goals he scores.

Every one-percentage-point fluctuation in the global foreign exchange market sends the Premier League standings shaking.

Then, on June 24, 2016, Britain voted to leave the EU. The pound-yen exchange rate plunged thirteen points. He scored a hat trick, then told the world's cameras in the mixed zone:

"After this European Championship, I'm retiring from the national team."

The whole crowd erupted. The FA's phone lines were jammed, the Prime Minister's Twitter was in an uproar, and he simply glanced down at the margin call notification on his phone and smiled.

Hahaha, he'd lost a year's salary in a single day and was tens of millions of pounds in debt.

Eden Mitchell, victim of the 2008 financial crisis, victim of the 2014 economic recovery, victim of the 2016 Brexit crisis. And also a victim of Trump taking office in 20XX.

After all those years playing football, not a single penny of it was for himself, QAQ!

*

Of course, whenever he lost money, someone was always there to help. Cristiano offered him his wallet.

And so his nickname was settled: Eden Mitchell, the Black Swan!

Unaware of all this, Van Basten still thought his little fan had changed his last name to match his.

Pairing: Ronaldo

Bonus: During the pandemic, a certain someone went all in on pound-dollar trades. After making a fortune, he bought the dip in Manchester United shares.

2021 Ronaldo: ?

Theme: Face the financial markets honestly.