Me and My Cursed System [Wuxia Quick Transmigration]

[First-person blurb, third-person narration.]

[Comments are open to everyone. Feel free to speak your mind.]

I, Shu Yanyan, got bound to a goofy little System while I was taking a nap.

And the unfair part is... it bound the wrong Host!

I couldn't care less: "Unbind me and go find your real owner."

The System sobbed: "I can't unbind you until the mission is complete, Host QAQ. You're my second chance at life!"

I backed away ten meters. "Please don't... You're too kind."

Only later did I realize that when this little guy dragged me down, it really didn't hold back!!!

[Hardheaded but softhearted, reckless Host + a System with terrible job skills trying to start over]

[Have some heart-saving pills on hand while reading. This is the most outrageous Host and System in history when it comes to solving problems.]

*

First World

Goal: Make the Great Palace Master, the Second Palace Master, Zhu Fenglang, and Xiaoyue happy.

I looked down at Xiaoyue, who was still elementary-school age, and despaired at how long this mission would take. The odds of completing it felt downright bleak.

The System said, "Don't worry, Host. We can use the ten-year rocket launcher. It won't waste any time."

But after one shot, we overshot the mark! The grass had grown three meters high over Fenglang and his wife's graves!

Me: "???"

Me: "Hurry up and go back!!!"

Second World

Goal: Get Big Brother Long to be the best man at Li Tanhua and his cousin's wedding.

I looked up at the brightly decorated Li Manor, then down at my short, stubby body (a character the System had created without asking me).

I asked, "How exactly do you expect me to stop Big Brother Long from marrying his cousin, then demote him from groom to best man?"

The System said, "Host, I gave you the face of Li Tanhua and Cousin Lin's descendant. You can rush in and call Cousin Lin 'Mother'!"

Me: "Have you snatched every last bamboo shoot off the mountain?!"

Third World

Goal: Make the Carefree King kneel before every woman and child he has ever hurt, weeping and repenting???

Me: "Don't I have a card called [Sharingan]? Hurry up and use it. I refuse to believe he won't kneel after one Tsukuyomi."

Me, after using [Sharingan]: "Why is everything black?"

The System: "Oops, Host. This is Itachi's Sharingan from before he died. It's pretty much broken."

Me: "Get it out of me!!!"

Fourth World

Goal: Have the Princess lead a coup and ascend the throne as Emperor.

I looked at the deserted island before me and called out to the System: "Don't you dare tell me this is Ice and Fire Island."

The System: "Um... Host, do you know what it means to take the indirect route to save the country? Keep earning chances to draw cards. Maybe you'll get a [Anywhere Door]!"

I pointed at it. "Get lost! Do you think SSR cards are that easy to draw?!"

Fifth World

Goal: Let Lord Su live another five hundred years.

I used the useless card [View HP Bar] and exclaimed, "This guy's HP bar is narrower than my fingernail. How am I supposed to keep him alive for another five hundred years?!"

The System had an idea: "Draw a [Vampire] card and give him the Dark Gift. Living another thousand years won't be a dream!"

My mouth twitched, and my eyes went dead. "Should I just have a Twilight romance with him while I'm at it?"

The System asked nosily, "Host, do you have a thing for the Lord?"

I banged my head against the wall. "Get out! Get out!! Get out!!!"

Sixth World

Goal: Help the Flower God see again.

I pulled out the newly drawn [Six Eyes] and asked, "Who's the best doctor in this world again?"

The System said, "That can only be Sword God Ximen."

Me: "Let's go burn down his manor with Lu Xiaofeng!"

After the surgery...

I paced around the Flower God, whose eyes were wrapped in gauze, and said belatedly, "Um... Young Master, I forgot to tell you these eyes are a little special..."

The Flower God asked, "How are they special?"

I stammered, "They're just a little bluer, a little more dazzling, and give you a slightly wider field of view."

Later, when the Flower God removed the gauze, he could see Lu Xiaofeng hiding behind him without even turning around. "Miss, that's more than a slightly wider field of view, isn't it...?"

Story notes:

1. Time passes at the same rate in the quick transmigration worlds and the real world (time is short, the missions are many).

2. The female lead can't practice martial arts unless her secret identity comes with that skill.

3. If the female lead or an NPC related to a mission dies, the mission resets (an endless loop of playthroughs).

Please add my next novel to your collection: Zen and the Consumption of Evil

Heaven shows no mercy, and the earth offers no cycle of rebirth.

The human world is in chaos, and evil spirits run rampant.

A Xian belongs to the forbidden clan that feeds on human malice. One day, she came face-to-face with a walking "granary," and started drooling instantly.

Wu Gou, the holy son of the Buddhist sect, was as upright as they come. Even when faced with Miss A Xian drooling over him, he simply offered her a handkerchief and said with lowered eyes, "Wipe your mouth."

But once she'd wiped away the drool, the young lady refused to leave his side.

Later, Wu Gou finally lost his patience, the tips of his ears bright red. "A Xian... Even if I really am a feast for the eyes, isn't suddenly burying your face in my chest a bit much?"

A Xian was immersed in her meal. She turned her head, burped, then said, "Holy Son, just because someone said you're as beautiful as a woman, you don't have to start thinking about gouging out his eyes, do you?"

Wu Gou's thoughts exposed, he immediately dropped his innocent disguise. He gently lifted A Xian's chin with a fingertip, his gaze deep as a pool. "That blind man also said you're too ugly to stand beside me, an eyesore. Since I bother him so much, I ought to help him out."

A Xian: "..."

No wonder your malice is thick enough to make sesame paste.

[Beautiful and kindhearted malice vacuum X Two-faced holy son who wants to destroy the world every day]

Theme: The road of life is full of thorns. Perseverance brings victory!