[Wuxia Crossover] I'm the God of War. If You Disagree, Come at Me

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[Next up, another comedy-style Quick Transmigration story: I'm a War God, I Tear Up the Book of Fate, Please Add It to Your Reading List (^ ^)]

Listen up, folks. Heaven isn't any easier to get by in than the mortal world. If your faith wavers, you risk falling from godhood.

My War God's Hall collapsed yesterday, and I knew my divine life was over.

But I refused to accept it. I wanted to be like Nezha, and roar at the heavens, "My fate is mine to decide, not Heaven's! To hell with this lousy destiny!"

So I abandoned my divine body, took my godhood with me, and went into hiding. Without realizing it, I ended up inside the body of a mortal woman.

She had just died, and her soul hadn't even scattered yet when I shoved her right beneath my feet.

Now that I'd taken over her body, I had to fulfill her unfinished wish, so...

"You two nasty old hags over there, let go of my pretty husband! If you've got a problem, take it up with me!"

Only after I sent them flying like meteors did I learn that those two were the Misty Flower Palace's mistresses, the female tyrants of the martial world.

---Heh. Weaklings.

Mortals are too weak. I only have to use basic attacks to beat them, yet somehow I've earned the title of the world's number one female demon.

I don't fear the evil reputation, but I am terrified of the tender looks my husband gives me and the little brat at home bawling for food.

"Seriously, don't look at me like that. You're making my scalp tingle."

"My chest can crush rocks, but it absolutely cannot produce milk!"

Content warnings:

Readers who support Yaoyue and Lianxing, proceed with caution.

Readers who support Jiang Feng and Yuenü as the original couple, proceed with caution.

Please add this to your reading list:

[Quick Transmigration] I'm a War God, I Tear Up the Book of Fate

The Matchmaker cultivates by pairing people up, while the Star of Fate cultivates by writing stories.

One day, the two immortals get together for a chat, and the conversation turns to the War God.

Matchmaker: The War God is master of war. Who in this world could take her life?

Star of Fate: If I put her in one of my deadly stories, her divine power would be reduced to a tenth. Then I could kill her with love, with revenge, any way I liked. I bet I could take her down!

The unscrupulous Wind God happens to pass by, flicks his sleeve, and sends their reckless words straight to the War God.

The War God arrives in an instant and grabs the Star of Fate by the crown of his head. "What's the point of whispering behind my back? Why not make a bet with me?"

The Star of Fate is provoked into a rage. "You're on!!!"

And so...

A strand of divine consciousness enters the Book of Fate, defies Heaven, and breaks through certain death!

*

First Life: Beautiful women have always been doomed to die young. A pearl diver dies at the sea-offering ceremony.

The Star of Fate cackles, hands on his hips. "Bwahahaha! You can start by feeding the turtles!"

The Matchmaker can't bear to look. "You tied the War God up way too tightly."

Inside the Book of Fate, the pearl-diving War God is bound like a mummy, yet still manages to outdo a mermaid in a competition of shamelessness. She swims furiously for nine thousand meters, makes it to shore, and reports the crime to the authorities, breaking her death curse.

The magistrate leans so far across his desk that half his body is practically over it, stunned. "How did you swim here all the way from the neighboring county?!"

The pearl diver had her eardrums pierced as a child and is hard of hearing. "What did you say, sir? Something about a wok of boiling oil???"

[Brash pearl diver x crafty magistrate with a heart as full of holes as a honeycomb]

*

Second Life: The devoted are always betrayed by the heartless. A top scholar hires a killer to murder his butcher wife.

The Star of Fate snickers. "I insist on making you do the filthiest work, so you end up raising a heartless white-eyed wolf who hires someone to kill you!"

The Matchmaker tries to stop him, but it's too late. "Are you out of your mind? The War God can turn even a nail file into a weapon. You give her a butcher's knife, and how is that any different from a dragon-slaying saber?!"

Inside the Book of Fate, the butcher-War God sharpens her knife until it gleams, then discusses her plans with the top scholar. "I've decided to become a bounty hunter. I'll kill the worst people, collect the biggest rewards, and buy you the most expensive brushes, ink, paper, and inkstone!"

The top scholar: "..."

Whoever's harder to kill gets to be the heartless one!

"My wife~"

The top scholar leans against the doorframe and bares a shoulder. "The bed's all warmed up. Come on over~"

His wife, busy sharpening her knife, only glances at him and says stiffly, "Go back to your room first. And put your clothes on so you don't catch a chill."

[Unromantic butcher woman x captivating, flirtatious top scholar]

*

Third Life: Frail and sickly, with a short life ahead. A fortune teller predicts death at seventeen.

The Star of Fate sneers. "Birth, aging, sickness, and death are only natural. Enjoy your weakling's body, War God."

The Matchmaker is speechless. "Did I forget to tell you... the War God has a ton of health points?"

Inside the Book of Fate, the sickly War God soaks goji berries in grape wine, practices tai chi, the five-animal exercises, and the eight-section brocade. She even catches her blood in a bowl when she coughs it up, and it still doesn't stop her from knocking out local hoodlums with a single punch. When she turns seventeen, her family has already prepared her coffin, but she just refuses to die.

The fortune teller, rescued once again, insists on becoming her household adviser, even offering to work for free.

The young lady gives an icy, elegant flick of her finger. "---Throw him out!"

[Sickly young lady who believes in anything except fate x shameless fortune teller whose only prediction in life is always wrong]

*

Fourth Life: Born a demon seed, hated by all.

The Star of Fate flies into a rage. "Just you wait while I summon people from all over the world---Huh?!"

The Matchmaker pounds his chest in frustration. "Did I forget to tell you again that the War God is resistant to magic?"

Inside the Book of Fate, the Demon Lord War God regains her power and thrives, uniting the demon realm and transforming its people.

The human emperor sidles closer, hesitant. "I told you... as long as the Demon Lord is here, what's stopping humans and demons from living together in harmony?~"

The Demon Lord abruptly rises from reading memorials to the throne. "Insolent fool! Didn't I say the ghost market can only open for one day on the fifteenth? Who opened the gates to the underworld without permission?!"

The human emperor trips and falls off the dragon throne. Clutching his butt, he grimaces. "Because... it's the Lantern Festival."

[Demon Lord War God devoted to ruling the demon realm x human emperor who wants to become a demon every day]

Other stories include: Stealing a strand of the broom star's hair to make a writing brush, just to make the War God die from bad luck; borrowing a bundle of the Matchmaker's red threads to knit a sweater, just to make the War God die from being hopelessly in love; letting the War God be possessed by Lin Daiyu, so she cries in the wind and mourns her own death; and so on.

Later...

When the War God returns from her trials, she discovers that the magistrate, top scholar, fortune teller, human emperor, and the others all have the same habit of flicking their sleeves as the Wind God.

The unscrupulous Wind God glances away. "Well... I just didn't like seeing the Star of Fate brag about his book and mess around with people's destinies."

The Matchmaker sighs to himself. The Wind God is the true champion of pure love.

The Star of Fate clutches a pile of torn paper and sobs. "My Book of Fate! (T ^ T)"

Theme: Never give in to fate. Every road leads to Rome.