After Becoming a System, I Keep Dazai Alive by Saving Him

Li Hui got hit and died... The good news: She was reborn as a System. As long as she binds to a Host and completes missions, she can live :) The bad news: Her Host doesn't want to live :( Her Host, known as the walking waste of bandages and humanity's resident ball of darkness, asks with a smile, "A suicide-assistance System? Can you customize how fast the water flows when I go in?" Li Hui's fists clench. "It's a survival System, you idiot!" The Host with a heart of darkness has no problem biting into a poisonous apple, leaping into a river to end it all, sticking his head into a monster's mouth, or munching sunflower seeds in the enemy's headquarters. From then on, Li Hui spends her life dragging her Host out of danger, dragging her Host out of danger, and dragging her Host out of danger. It's a full and (miserable) life. #HowToSaveMyHostWhoPutsEveryPointIntoCausingTrouble# #AfterBindingToABallOfDarknessIBecameYokohamasBusiestSystem# #CanICancelThisHostHelpUrgentlyNeeded# After working herself to the bone, just as Li Hui is about to come back to life, her Host with a heart of darkness suddenly starts acting shy... - Li Hui's Annual System Report "This year, you stopped your Host from killing himself 286 times: 109 attempted hangings, 76 poisonings, 59 attempts to drown himself, and 42 jumps from buildings." "This year, you spent a total of 1,619 energy points, including 520 points to restore your Host's health." "Remember the glorious days when your Host bit into a poisonous apple, jumped into a river to end it all, stuck his head into a monster's mouth, and munched sunflower seeds in the enemy's headquarters?" "You called your Host a lunatic over ten thousand times, but never actually said it out loud." "Congratulations on unlocking the achievements [Glory of the Sucker], [Suicide First Responder], and [Better to Save Him Than Beat Him]." "Your keyword this year is [Sucker]. Keep up the good work next year~ ^ ^" 1. Dazai x a girl who transmigrates as a System. Happy ending. 2. A fluffy story with no logic. Please forgive any out-of-character moments. Coming soon: The Dazai I Raised with In-App Purchases Came to Life Qi Wu, who has nothing but money, downloads a dating-sim app. There's a very pretty black-haired little guy wrapped in bandages, exactly her type, so she happily starts raising him according to the game's instructions. "Why did my Dazai fall into the water again? Poor thing. I'll get him a 100% water-avoidance aura!" "Dazai looks great in a white suit, too. I'll buy every one!" "Who hurt my boy?! I'll equip him with a damage-reflection buff that's ten times stronger!" Dazai, who is always trying to get himself killed, starts questioning reality: When he tries to enter the water, the current automatically keeps its distance. The black suits in his wardrobe keep being replaced with new ones. Even when he accidentally trips while walking, it's always the obstacle that gets hurt, never him. Dazai: ? Who keeps stopping him from heading for the afterlife, the Yellow Springs, and the Slope of Hirasaka? Qi Wu spends a hundred million on the game, and the System rewards her by letting her create her own custom character. She casually makes a little figure that looks just like her, then goes to bed, satisfied. But when she opens her eyes the next day... Wow! The paper Dazai she raised has come to life! Dazai: So it was you, my beloved caretaker :) Theme: You have to be alive to cause trouble