The Retired Admiral’s Secret Livestream

This is a fictional setting unrelated to reality. Please do not compare it to real life.

I enlisted at sixteen and became a general at sixty.

Then I was stuck at the same rank for a hundred years and never managed to become a marshal.

And during a physical exam close to retirement, the hospital diagnosed me with "azoospermia, complex seminal plug formation, and recurrent urinary stones."

So not only am I unable to perform now, I have to keep suffering this kind of pointless pain, too?

Heavens! You transmigrated me from a human into an insect, and I get mentally scarred every day. Could you at least treat my body a little better? Which of these illnesses isn't harmless in its damage but utterly humiliating? This world is practically overflowing with malice toward me!

But a person, no, an insect now, shouldn't avoid seeking treatment.

After getting myself mentally prepared, I disguised myself and went to the hospital.

The attending physician, an adult male insect who had reviewed every medical record from my past, told me, "Actually, the function is still there. You just can't have grubs. Your case is tricky, but treatable. You could find some female insects to take care of your physical needs. Otherwise, you'll have to come here every so often to get your balls snipped."

I smiled bitterly and covered my eyes with one hand, barely holding back from grinding my teeth as I said, "I'm an old-fashioned male insect, a rarity even in a thousand years. Do you think I'd just go looking for female insects?"

"I didn't say you should pick just anyone. You can be specific about what you want!"

"Would it be okay to go for a female insect who might be married, and definitely has children and grandchildren?"

"Huh?" The male insect doctor stared at me, stunned and confused. "I respect other insects' kinks, but yours is way too weird!"

I stared back at him, even more shocked. "Huh! Aren't appointments at the male-insect reproductive clinic anonymous? How did you know my surname is Bi?"

"So you're the famous General Bismarck!" The male insect doctor changed his expression, bursting with excitement. "You're my idol! You're truly extraordinary! No wonder you have the physically contradictory conditions of azoospermia and seminal plug formation! Just like they say on the forums, you really can't tell your b's from your p's!"

I was even more shocked after my secret identity was exposed. "What's so exciting about those two things?!"

"Actually, nothing. But since conservative treatment would be difficult to put into practice for you, General, given that you're old-fashioned and have a weird kink, then your only option is surgery to get your balls snipped."

I couldn't help grimacing. "You said I'd have to come in every so often to get them snipped, so both the balls and the seminal plugs grow back. Is there a more reliable option?"

"There is." The male insect doctor widened his eyes innocently. "General, your seminal plug formation may be related to spending too long in an environment with too many female insects and being stimulated over and over. If you could leave the military and work for the Male Insect Protection Association, maybe your condition would improve on its own."

"That makes sense."

I pretended to think for a while, then sighed. "But considering I'm number one on the most-wanted list in the male-on-male section of the male insect forum, and quite a few of those guys are lurking in the Male Insect Protection Association... I'd better resign early and go live in seclusion as a farmer."

"General, how do you even know that?!"

How did I know? Because I'm incredibly plugged in online. I trained my own StarNet AI into the greatest gossip-loving AI in the insect world. Every day, it serves up virtual fiction starring me, a poor insect who looks like a successful male leader but has never had any luck in love.

Honestly, I don't get it. When I was young, I had clear romantic entanglements with female insects. Why is all the virtual fiction about male-male romance?

Even after I retired and started an interstellar agriculture company, farming in an area where I was the only male insect for several light-years, those accounts still managed to find fresh settings and play ideas from me. They even used their real names, while hiding behind anonymous accounts.

Why?

Every day, I used my StarNet AI to spy on my almost-ex. In a fit of anger, I used the highest-level permissions on the male insect forum to start a livestream, calling out every anonymous account that had written erotic stories about me and grilling them one by one.

Who would have thought that my spur-of-the-moment livestream would turn into a "Military Male Insect Career Planning Livestream," a "Male Insect Relationship Advice Livestream," and a "Male-Female Family Problem-Solving Livestream"?

The donations from the livestream directly covered the losses from starting my agricultural company! I even made a tidy profit!

But! I started the business with a loan!

And I borrowed the money from the almost-ex I ended up breaking up with because of a twist of fate!

What excuse am I supposed to use to talk to him now? Huh?

But every cloud has a silver lining.

At last, my livestream got so popular that it spread beyond my control, and the female-insect forum added a way to watch it, too.

Facing a surging wall of comments that hid me from view, I slowly began to talk about the past.

[This story is not suitable for readers who need content warnings]

[Assume everything I write is a trigger for you. If it destroys you, that's not my responsibility]

Theme: Make the most of the time we have