Who Needs to Be a Princess, Anyway?

My name is Wang Xi, and I have three extraordinary family members.

The first is my father.

My father is a great general who guards the border. He commands a mighty army and holds immense power. Every day, he nags me, "Xi'er, let's rebel."

I think my father is getting ahead of himself.

One day, a letter arrived from the capital. It was from the Dog Emperor, addressed to my father. He asked, "My son has grown up. When will your daughter marry into my family and become the Crown Princess?"

My father fell silent.

Then he erupted.

The next morning, I woke up on the road back to the capital. My father's horse was in front of me, and an army of 300,000 followed behind him.

Just like that, my father successfully rebelled, changed the ruling dynasty, and became the new emperor.

He also made me the Princess of Pacifying the Nation, Securing the State, Graceful, Respectful, Virtuous, and Brilliant... or something like that.

The title was too long. I couldn't remember it.

.

The second is the Dog Emperor.

After my father became emperor, he got into a huge argument with the civil and military officials at his very first court session. The topic was whether they should execute the deposed emperor. He cursed the officials until they were thoroughly humiliated, calling them things like "turtle's offspring," "idiots," and "your father." When he came back, he asked me what I thought they should do with the deposed emperor.

I said, "Pull out the weeds by the roots. It's only natural."

My father thought about it and agreed.

So the next day, the deposed emperor was executed, and my father brought in a new tutor to teach the two of us how to review memorials.

I looked at the tutor's face, which was exactly the same as the deposed emperor's. "..."

The tutor's catchphrase was "Kill them." He liked to write "Behead him" on memorials, and his most common ruling was "Throw them in the imperial prison." The first phrase he taught me was "Execute them after the autumn harvest."

My hand trembled as I held the brush.

...I'd called him the Dog Emperor so many times that I was genuinely afraid he'd have my head one day.

.

The third is the former Crown Prince.

I remember him very well.

When my father rebelled, the first person to leap up and fling open the city gates to welcome him was the former Crown Prince.

Because he was my father's hopeless fanboy.

I met him for the first time after my princess investiture ceremony. He spent three hours praising my father's divine military strategy and broad-mindedness, then an hour saying that a good man's ambitions should reach far and wide. After eating every last pastry in my chambers, he asked, "Why does my father get to live so close to His Majesty? I want to, too! I want to!"

I decided he had something wrong with his head, so I sneaked over to the Imperial Guards and told them to throw the former Crown Prince out.

It took no more than the time it takes to burn one incense stick. When I got back, I found my bedroom had collapsed.

Collapsed.

According to the little eunuchs who were there, without me keeping an eye on him, the former Crown Prince was like a husky without an owner: quiet as a mad dog, then moving like ten mad dogs.

...And I wasn't particularly interested in keeping that dog.

.

As the only normal person in the palace, I had a busy life.

At dawn, I had to translate my father's southern curses for the officials at court.

At noon, I had to study with the Dog Emperor and rescue one hapless person after another from being beheaded.

In my spare time, I had to figure out how to build a sturdy dog cage big enough to hold the former Crown Prince.

Only at night did I have time entirely to myself.

I would relax, close the doors, and tend to the radishes, chili peppers, and bok choy growing in the garden behind my chambers. Then I'd wave my palm fan, eat some melon, and recline in comfort amid my No. 101 hybrid rice and 79th-generation improved bean sprouts. Thinking back on the day's terrifying events, I would declare mournfully:

I want no part of being a princess.

*The heroine is a native of this world. Her father is a woman who transmigrated into a man's body.

Theme: Building peace and prosperity for the people