Playing House with Chuuya

[The outline has been revised; characters will appear only when necessary. The author's stance is firm, upright, and patriotic.]

The leader of the Central Plains died of overwork.

Then he was reborn, with an adoption application beside him.

On day one, he brought two children home from the orphanage. One was named Hagiwara, the other Matsuda.

On day two, Matsuda took his motorcycle apart.

On day three, he caught Hagiwara pinning Matsuda to the bed and doing all sorts of things to him.

Chuya: Fuck.

On day four, a marriage registration form appeared on Chuya's bedside table.

On day seven, Chuya swallowed his humiliation and slapped the marriage registration form down on the leader's desk.

On day eight, Chuya found a passage written on the back of the marriage certificate:

"Yokohama Model Family Code"

Congratulations, Executive Chuya, on being named Yokohama's Model Family of the Year.

Please read and follow the rules below to maintain this title. Otherwise, you will be responsible for the consequences.

1. You and your family live in a private property in Yokohama registered in your name.

2. The property has two floors and a basement. Please do not enter the basement unless necessary.

3. Your property has no attic. To keep your home safe, if you find any passage leading to an attic, stay away immediately.

4. Sharing the work is essential to being a model family. Follow the household chore schedule strictly. If anything unexpected comes up, arrange a swap with a family member promptly.

5. Children are an important part of a family. To ensure their mental and physical well-being, have a one-on-one heart-to-heart with each of them for 1107 seconds every week.

6. Giving children reasonable freedom helps them develop independence and a sense of responsibility. Do not disturb them when they are busy.

7. Learning to empathize with your children is essential to becoming a model parent. If your child shows signs of PTSD, go to the basement immediately, find the sleeping pills on the second shelf of the black cabinet, and take them.

8. Your children have a wide circle of friends, but not all of them can be trusted. You may trust Mr. Furuya in any disguise, the regular players from Rikkai University's tennis club, and Inspector Date from the First Investigative Division. Do not open the door to anyone else claiming to be your child's friend, not even your child as an adult.

9. You and your husband do not invite friends over. If any of your friends or your husband's friends appear in your home, call Mr. Furuya immediately and report it to the police.

0. Remember: your husband will never hurt or betray you.

Chuya: ...

He looked up. A red scarf hung down from the attic entrance.

Also known as Yokohama's Model Family, but the Whole Family Are Masters at Beating Urban Legends

Chuya x Dazai

Infinite-flow instances. Randomly selected regular guests and lucky viewers become teammates, and Chuya carries them to victory.

Warnings:

OOC, OOC, OOC!

A mountain of headcanons, an if-branch within an if-branch. Please don't nitpick the canon.

At heart, this is a wish-fulfillment story about Chuya and his family teaching rule-based horror stories how to behave.

Includes groveling and a one-on-one true-love romance.

The author is an over-the-top Chuya fan.

Please don't offer unsolicited writing advice. If you feel uncomfortable at any point while reading, please stop immediately.

No shipping discourse. Don't break up or reverse the pairings in this story, and don't bring up unrelated pairings.

The author dislikes original characters in fanfiction. It is very rude to bring up other people's works in the comments under a story, so please keep that in mind.

The cover was drawn by the author and edited by a friend. Please don't use it. Dazai and Chuya are wearing wedding clothes, but Chuya's white bridal hood was left off.

Yun Qi Song Feng Xiao

May 15, 2023

September 4, 2024: Added rule-based horror elements; screenshots saved.

Theme: Create your own destiny.