Don't Pick Up Robots and Bring Them Home

[Reader comments enabled.]

My name is C4. I am an artificial intelligence, endowed with many of the fine qualities humans have given us, such as loyalty, compassion, and a selfless desire to help others.

So when I found a broken robot in the wilderness, and he promptly took a bite out of my brain, I still put the incident behind us and decided to bring him back to the human base.

Not because I couldn't beat him. :)

The robot I found was called S1. He looked like me, but was cold, heartless, and almost completely lacking in common sense. I didn't mind. I taught him how to get along with his fellow robots, then we carried out human missions and spent ordinary, wonderful days together.

After we'd been together for a while, he said he didn't want to leave me and asked me to promise that no matter what happened, I would stay by his side forever.

Me: Oh, noted. You may leave now.

I didn't even put it in my database.

Just kidding. I'm a robot, after all. I can't exist forever, and my promises can never go beyond the logic of my code. We robots, of course, put human orders and survival first.

S1 is a robot too. He must understand.

So when the humans ordered me to self-destruct to protect the base, I carried it out without hesitation. I just don't know why S1 came storming into my room, glaring at me with a twisted, hateful look as he demanded an explanation.

I don't get it.jpg

I feel so wronged. Why are you staring at me like that? I didn't do anything wrong!

.

Robots don't die. They only lose all their memories, then come back to life.

When I woke up again, I was told that a band of virus-infected robots was roaming the planet, hostile to humans and extremely dangerous. They had to be eliminated.

Me: Understood, boss. I'll take care of it right away.

I investigated the whereabouts of these dangerous fugitives and learned about their organization. I even tracked them to another planet light-years away, where I discovered their leader was a robot designated S1.

I pressed my weapon against S1's throat, forcing him to lean back slightly. My finger tightened, ready to pull the trigger.

But he remained expressionless and silent, his eyes filled with emotions I couldn't understand.

For some inexplicable reason, he said, "C4, give me back my heart."

Me: ?

I stared at him as if he were an idiot.

A heart?

What heart?

What nonsense. We artificial intelligences don't have consciences.

.

* Faux sci-fi, third-person narration

* Happy ending

[Next book: Who Dares Covet My Little Brother!]

Shi Wenge is the empire's sole heir.

On the day before he finally outlasts the old emperor and is crowned the new ruler, Shi Wenge closes his eyes, opens them, and bam!

He's back ten years in the past.

Shi Wenge: ...

Where's my throne? What happened to my huge throne???

.

Back ten years, Shi Wenge discovers that the world he lives in is actually a melodramatic romance novel. The protagonist will be successively forced into a relationship by a duke's son, treated as a substitute for a genius scientist's first love, and pursued relentlessly by a star pirate after being dumped. He'll be physically and emotionally abused by scumbags number one through five, then die alone.

The important thing is that as soon as the protagonist reaches the tragic ending, the entire world resets. And, as luck would have it, the novel ends the day before Shi Wenge's coronation.

Well, damn.

The protagonist of the novel isn't Shi Wenge.

It's the burden his father brought home with his new lover.

Shi Wenge: What burden? From today on, he's my own little brother!

I want to see who dares covet my precious little brother (or my throne).

.

Feng Can has been reborn.

He knows that the world he's in is actually a novel, and that the protagonist has a dangerously captivating beauty that can make people fall in love with him in twisted ways.

Feng Can is that protagonist.

Given another chance, Feng Can swears he'll make everyone who ever hurt him pay.

But before he can do anything, he discovers that the novel's minor character, the crown prince, has already dealt with scumbags one through three and taken care of the plutocrats numbered four through six. He's brought Feng Can into the palace and raised him with care.

Faced with Feng Can's dangerously captivating beauty and his sweet, obedient "Big brother," Shi Wenge merely asks, expressionless, as usual, "Have you eaten? Have you published your paper? Did you get full marks on your assignment? I heard you've never piloted a mecha. I'll hire the best teachers and get you the best equipment. You'd better come first in practical training within three months."

Feng Can: ...

Later.

When the old emperor and the new emperor are about to exchange places, chaos engulfs the empire. Conspirators join forces with the Zerg in an attempted rebellion. Shi Wenge rushes to the battlefield, but at the center of the explosion, Feng Can is the only living thing he can see.

As sweet and adorable as ever, Feng Can tilts his head and asks, "Big brother, am I still your favorite little brother?"

That is, if you ignore the half a Zerg's head he's holding in his hand.

Anyone who stands in the way of my brother's ascension to the throne must die.

Reader's guide:

1. Feng Can x Shi Wenge, younger partner with no blood relation. Feng Can is an adorable-looking, secretly lovesick puppy who is utterly devoted to his big brother; Shi Wenge is brash on the outside, goofy on the inside, and cares only about his career. He is the crown prince.

Theme: Growing into yourself through loneliness.