Giving Detective Conan a Shock with a Little Parenting Game

Detective Simulator is a single-player detective game made by Crow Studio. But after a few years, its style gradually went downhill, the cases grew increasingly ridiculous, and the main story updates became painfully slow, driving countless angry players to quit.

After holding the top spot on the leaderboard for years, Mr. M finally outlasts the shameless studio after decades of playing and reaches the ending.

Bang!

Amid blinding white light and a deafening crash, the System speaks.

"Congratulations, Player ■■, on reaching the final ending: No One Survives."

Mr. M: Damn... :)

Then the person in charge immediately scrambles to placate him.

"Your main account's fate is sealed, but you still have your alt."

So, how about a plan to save your main account?

*

His alt, Suwa Akimitsu, opens his eyes.

"Thud!"

He looks down at the cat-eyed boy he's knocked over.

He looks familiar.

Oh, isn't this Scotland, the Red-side character who was the first to die at his hands?

He stares for two seconds, then suddenly scoops up the stray cat, tucks it under his arm, and runs.

"System, open a cat-raising... no, a kid-raising module for me to try."

System: ?

Hiromitsu Morofushi: ?

*

Why does this kid have a charm ability, too?

He only meant to play around, but somehow he ends up with more and more kids, his backend modules stay full all year round, and even his precious alt account winds up with countless new characters.

The System is especially useless, too. Special items can only be obtained in their dedicated instances: zombies, supernatural horrors, Cthulhu...

But... bring it on!

He'll form his own team and carry them himself. Ordinary people can take on monsters head-on! At worst, he can sacrifice a few more alt accounts. After all the effort he's put into raising these kids, how could he let them get hurt?

But you one-life-only people, why do you keep coming over here to join the fun...

Mr. M looks in confusion at the two human gorillas beside him, one slapping a monster flying, the other smashing a zombie away with a door.

Then he looks at the Bomb Disposal Twins, laughing like maniacs as they toss bombs everywhere, and finally at Suwa and Akai, hundreds of yards away and using sniper rifles like machine guns...

System, explain this. Why does this kid have a genetic mutation, too?

*

Years later, Mr. M opens the door to welcome his guests. The four who were supposed to bring their partners home show up on their own.

Mr. M accepts their gifts. "You came all this way. You didn't have to bring anything."

The four of them expertly kneel in a circle.

Mr. M picks up the gifts.

Mr. M screams.

"No, I can't accept a relationship with multiple people!"

Everyone: ...As it happens, neither can we.

"Gin, you bastard! You're already with ■■, and you still dare to go after our dad!"

Gin: ...A bunch of idiots.

*

Also known as:

The N Great Unsolved Mysteries of the Detective Conan World:

[Why does X Suwa know even people from this kind of circle?]

[How did X the doctor manage to save someone in this condition?]

[How has X the police officer not been arrested after doing all this?]

[How does X the celebrity know about all this?]

[Why do X the bomber and the bomb disposal officer have the same face?]

Reader's Guide:

1. OOC warning. Lots of personal additions, and the timeline and plot have been changed in various ways. Please don't overthink it.

2. This is a no-brain, feel-good power fantasy. The universe's grand will makes everyone ignore anything that doesn't make sense.

3. The main pairing is main account ■■ x Gin, and the romance comes much later. Gin is the only one who knows the truth. No secret identities are exposed. Happy ending, and no identities are killed off, though characters on the Black side may go missing and so on.

4. Side pairings include Matsuda x Hagiwara and hints of Rei x Hiromitsu and Rei x An. The main story focuses on the police academy group as friends; only the extras are likely to make any relationships official.

Theme: Stay true to yourself. Persevere, and you can succeed.