Nationwide Husband Selection

Forum-style posts mixed with regular prose, with lots of brainless male rivalry! If that's not your thing, don't read. This isn't a direct repost, but a derivative work. A new caller has joined the livestream of the hugely popular show "What Do You Think of This Man?" The caller, Wen Tun, explains his situation in a mild voice: things are pretty urgent right now. He's been agonizing over it for a long time, and has nobody to talk it over with. He has four people he has no choice but to choose between. Due to special circumstances, he has to pick one. Could the host help him figure out who to choose? No. 1: ① Age 30, 189 cm, a federal political figure. ② They met through a matchmaking service. He's handsome, cool and distant, and acts like an old-school cadre, but sometimes he'll suddenly disappear without a word and give you the silent treatment. ③ Very capable, and very good in bed, too. No. 2: ① Age 30, 188 cm, extremely rich from business. ② Very jealous, a polished scoundrel, and not serious about relationships. ③ Seems addicted to sex (he's into all kinds of wild stuff, which I can't handle). Apparently, he has a history of cheating. No. 3: ① Age 28, 187 cm, a researcher. ② They met while volunteering. He's gentle, kind, patient, and comes from a good family. ③ He's gentle in bed, too, but there's always something sinister about him. I caught him installing a tracking app. No. 4: ① Age 22, 192 cm, a student. ② His family has a lot of influence, and he's an only child, so he'll definitely inherit their position one day. ③ He's young and impulsive, and never listens to advice or thinks about the consequences. The caller asks in confusion: "Host, who should I choose?" The host: "…" The help-seeking video went viral online. Then people dug up the caller's name: Li Wu, a university professor who had recently become embroiled in a bigamy scandal. He wasn't married to two people, but four, and every one of them was a well-known figure in the Federation. The people listed as No. 1 through No. 4 were: Xu Yanli, the newly appointed chair of the Federal Commission, married for four years and five months. Shang Shixu, the sole person in control of the family that held the lifeline of the Federation's economy, married for four years. Jiang Mozhu, a senior federal research director who had won the Human Progress Award, married for two years and four months. And Qi Yinghuai, the son of the Federal Director and future chief of the Alliance General Staff, newly married for four months. It all started when Shang Shixu sued Qi Yinghuai, accusing him of forcing his husband into marriage. The investigation turned up something unbelievable: Li Wu was married to all four of them at the same time. After looking into it, they discovered that the first three had all lied to Li Wu and told him they were divorced, while the latter three had all used their privileges to bypass the review process and obtain marriage licenses in violation of regulations. The judges: "…" Damn those untouchables! They couldn't afford to offend any of them, and every one of them privately contacted Li Wu to say they wanted to keep the marriage going. How to rule on the case was a problem. So the court brought down the gavel: all the marriages would be dissolved, and every husband would be given a fair chance to compete. If Li Wu appealed again after a year, whether to accept the appeal would be decided based on how they had behaved during that year. The final choice would be based on a dual-vote system, with online votes counting for 40% and Li Wu's vote counting for 60%. Whoever scored lower would be out of the running. It was practically a nationwide husband-selection contest. The judge asked Li Wu if he agreed. Indecisive Li Wu: "...I agree." The uke has a capybara-like personality. * Society where same-sex marriage is legal; a fictional federal system, so don't read it as a reflection of real life. The marriage systems aren't linked, which is how things got into this mess. The system differs from China's, so the uke has no moral fault here. The untouchables are the ones at fault. This story is about punishing the untouchable semes and watching them grow and change. * They don't get together with him all at once. The relationships are one-on-one, in stages. * Pure comedy and snark. * This is a rewritten version of a story some of you may have read. I own the rights to this rewrite, and I can post it wherever I want. * All the semes are virgins. If they weren't, they'd have been kicked out already. There are several arcs and lots of extra chapters. ? Please add my new upcoming story to your collection. Theme: Create a harmonious and loving society