Can I Buy Some Soft Paper? [GB]

I fell for a man.

I made a wish to God. I wanted to * him.

God: I'm not sure I understand. With a man's anatomy, how would you...

After a thorough explanation, that very night I became a hemorrhoid.

A month later, I finally couldn't take it anymore. During the day, in human form, I asked him, "Could you get some new, softer toilet paper?"

*

A short novella, not very long, probably about a hundred thousand words, maybe less.

A few things to know before reading:

1. Make good use of the exit button.

2. Make good use of the exit button.

------ Coming soon: "The Domineering CEO Dotes on Her Wife: Where Are You Running Off To, Madam? (Gender-Bender)" Please add it to your favorites! ------

[Melodrama >>> Logic]

Lou Chaoran is a queen who rules her world with an iron fist. They say she's cold and noble, ruthless and cruel.

Yet she falls in love at first sight with a man whose only redeeming quality is his good looks, then abducts him and pursues him relentlessly.

In public, she's distant and indifferent. In private, she grabs him by the waist and showers him with affection.

Everyone assumes Lou Chaoran's interest is just a passing fancy. They even start a betting pool on how long she'll stay interested in the man.

Chu Jing thinks so too. He doesn't love her. He only wants to get away.

Then one unexpected twist after another brings old clues back to light, and he realizes he loved the wrong person. He trusted a piece of evidence that was nothing but a phantom, and lost all those years when he could have been happy with Lou Chaoran.

Before he can confess his love, news arrives that she has been in a car accident.

Chu Jing stumbles away in a wretched state, only to learn the truth about an old incident.

The person who destroyed his family was surnamed Lou.

*

Lou Chaoran is truly all-powerful. Also, right now, I'm truly a shameless melodrama-loving mutt.

Theme: God will grant your wish, no matter what form it takes