[Western Crossover] Oh No, My Brain Can Talk!

Jason’s perspective:

Jason used to think the unluckiest thing that could happen to him was getting killed by the Joker once. Now he knew he was wrong. The unluckiest thing was picking up a talking puppy in an alley one day.

She looked like a sweet kid, but she’d suddenly tilt her head back and say things like, “The city is crying,” and “There’s evil in the air,” then turn to me with a serious expression and ask, “Boss, did you hear that?”

...Hear what, exactly?

Even more ridiculous, she could solve crimes, and not just in the sense of taking one look and seeing right through the truth

“Boss, six people stepped on this windowsill. They range in height from 1.47 to 1.85 meters, and their weights are clearly different. Four men and three women. Judging by the depth of the footprints, two of them regularly carry heavy loads, one has an inward-turned ankle, and another likes wearing extra-thick soles...”

The problem was, her thought process wasn’t quite normal

“So, Boss, you wouldn’t happen to be some kind of underground idol, would you? Are all those people your stalker fans?”

Yeah, sure. Those Bats were stalker fans, always coming by to scope the place out or plant bugs. Of course, that didn’t include the ladies.

He finally understood what “if you take in a kid, you’re responsible for them” meant

“...Fuck you.”

“Wow, that’s so cool! Fuck you! So does that mean there’s also... Fuck me, Fuck it, Fuck her, Fuck him, Fuck this, Fuck that?”

“...You’re really good at extrapolating.”

“Wow, thanks!”

“I’m not complimenting you! Don’t go around learning stuff like that!!”

He learned what people meant by “if the kid goes quiet, they’re definitely up to something”

“...Can you tell me why the microwave exploded?”

“...I just wanted a warm can of food...”

“So you put the entire can in the microwave, tin and all, and heated it up?!”

But every now and then, just every now and then!, he thought having a kid around wasn’t so bad.

Like right now. She was sitting cross-legged on the couch with a giant bag of chips in her arms, crumbs all over her face and seasoning powder at the corner of her mouth. She watched him work on his gun and peppered him with questions, each more ridiculous than the last. “What happens if you put the magazine in backward? Could it fire back at you?”

Jason rubbed his temples and held back a laugh as he handed her a tissue. “Don’t move. Just don’t blow me up.”

Only at times like this did he realize that this kid had long since turned his life upside down, but had also made it feel a little... more worth looking forward to.

Only once in a while, he insisted. Any more than that would be the death of him.

The kid’s perspective:

[Logical Thinking: You have amnesia. It’s the only reasonable explanation for why you can’t remember anything right now.]

Me: Oh, so that’s why I can’t even remember my own name. But why is my brain talking?

[Book Learning: Amnesia can be caused by physical injury, psychological trauma, or chemical intervention. Recovering your memories takes time and may require outside help.]

Me: I understand all that, but why is my brain talking?

[Composure: Calm down. It’s perfectly normal for your brain to talk.]

Me: Huh? Seriously? I haven’t read much, so don’t try to fool me.

[Inland Empire: A blank memory... No, this is more than amnesia. Fate has opened another door for you. The past is veiled, and the future calls. Look around. Your answers may be hidden here, and perhaps much more. Who are you? Why are you here? Was your past taken from you, or did you abandon it yourself?]

Me: Huh? You’re already talking to yourself. Hey, pay attention to me!

[Perception: The ground is damp, but there are no obvious puddles. It must have rained nearby. The drainage system is barely functional, but the smell wafting from the sewers suggests they’re badly worn. This is a typical old neighborhood. The graffiti on the walls varies in style and overlaps in many layers, suggesting that the area has been unsafe for a long time and gang activity is frequent.]

Me: Huh, am I in a gang?

[Volition: Hey, why does it have to be a gang? Think bigger. Maybe you’re a hero who fights gangs, or the mysterious protector of this neighborhood. Look at those marks on the wall. Maybe they’re not meant to keep you away; maybe they’re paying tribute to you!]

Me: Yeah, you’re right. I’m a superhero!

[Shivers: Listen. Someone’s coming.]

Me: Am I deaf and blind or something? He’s practically on top of me, and you’re only just warning me now?

[Encyclopedia: His gait is steady and his gaze is fixed straight ahead, but his shoulders lean slightly forward, and his fingers stay close to his waist. He can attack at any moment. His eyes sweep over every corner of the alley, as if checking for an ambush.]

Me: Oh wow, he looks like a big shot. Is he my boss?

“Hi, Boss! Also, Boss, who am I?”

“...‘Boss’? I like that. But I don’t know when I picked up an underage ‘subordinate.’”

[Perception: Yeah, he’s not your boss.]

Me: Tch, I already knew that.

[Empathy: He’s wary of you, but he also feels helpless about your situation. He clearly isn’t good at dealing with kids, but his hesitation shows that he’s not cold-hearted.]

[Reaction Speed: Hey, maybe you can get him to take you in?]

Me: You can wear a man down by clinging to him. I’m going in, everyone!

“Boss, please take me in, or I’ll die. Please!”

[Rhetoric: That’s a terrible argument.]

Me: Shut up.

Anyway, I found somewhere to sleep.

P.S. This is a Jason story about raising a kid. The kid has a Disco Elysium thought cabinet and a top-tier 6-4-1 build: Intelligence 6, Psyche 4, and Physique and Motorics only 1. In other words, a brilliant brain in a pathetically weak body, the ultimate liability. She has amnesia from the start and can’t remember a thing. Her train of thought is so strange that she’s both clever and silly (?). She’s ten years younger than Jason, who acts as both big brother and mom (not really). He grumbles all day long, but when anything happens, he’s the first one to rush in and save her. It’s time Jason experienced the pain of raising a kid!

P.P.S. Here are my own content warnings:

1. I’ve used ChatGPT to help check the article structure before (but I wrote the story myself and have since mended my ways. If you’re still willing to stick with me, please keep reading. Heart.)

2. I’m not an expert on DC. I’ve seen all the animated films, but when it comes to the comics, I have to research as I write.

3. The game this story crosses over with is a text-based game, so there are game references.

4. I’m a geek who dabbles in all sorts of games and anime, so there are lots of bad jokes and memes.

5. The story is told in first person, like the game, and the suspenseful plot mostly advances through dialogue. In practice, the skills never stop chattering.

6. I haven’t decided whether “I” should remain nameless forever or get a name later. In any case, amnesia explains everything.

7. The characters’ personalities will change as their affinity grows (not really). Their development follows the story’s progress (just like the game, huh? Gets hit).

8. I don’t always reply, but I read pretty much every comment. If needed, I’ll respond in the author’s notes.

9. Feel free to make suggestions. I’ll gladly consider them.

10. みんななかよくプレイしましょう (There I go making another game reference. I only added so many points just to put this here, didn’t I?)

Theme: Use pure intelligence to interpret the entire world.