Why Can't Our Cat Be the Top?

Xie Youguan is a tabby cat who grew up at a cat-spirit sanctuary. His motto is, "Every cat deserves to be better than everyone else." He looks down on house cats who spend all day rolling around and begging for affection at humans’ feet.

After a year in the workforce, Xie Youguan wiped away his tears as he put up a "Cat Wanted" ad on a telephone pole:

[Large tabby, handsome cat face, can be sweet, soft, and adorable. Just two cans a day! Don’t miss out. Call the number below to take this cat home, and you’ll never be a catless savage again.]

He waited for a week, but nobody came.

Xie Youguan decided to take the initiative.

He picked a prospective adopter whose pheromones smelled especially good. To keep the human from giving him some ridiculous name like "Sangbiao" or "Eggy," he even ordered a name tag online in advance, engraved with the three characters of his name: Xie Youguan.

One dark and windy night, he knocked on the adopter’s window and brazenly jumped inside. After looking around and deciding he was satisfied, he crawled into bed and meowed at the bewildered human. "What are you waiting for? It’s late. Come to bed."

-

Mo Qing, a proud dog owner, got stuck with a tabby cat who looked like a fox.

The cat broke into his home, drank water from his cup, slept in his bed, used his bathroom, and demanded the most expensive canned food. Every day, he fought with Mo Qing’s dog for his attention. Then one night, he even turned into a man and rubbed his tail against Mo Qing’s leg.

In principle, a cat in heat should be taken to the vet to be neutered.

Xie Youguan lashed his tail around, his voice loud and aggrieved. "So you really don’t like cats! If that stupid dog turned into a human, would you accept him?"

Mo Qing: "..."

In principle, no respectable person gets involved with cats or dogs. If anyone found out, it’d make the headlines, and the whole world would mock you for a year!

Xie Youguan switched off the light, his eyes shining like lasers. "Then we’ll keep it a secret!"

P.S.:

1. Cat top, human bottom.

Theme: Be kind to small animals.