My Brooding Brother Says He Loves Me

My older brother is a lunatic. As his younger brother, I know that better than anyone.

My brother loves playing nasty little tricks like a kid, including but not limited to scattering thumbtacks, pretending to be a flirt, and sabotaging the company... He thinks he can drive Mother and me out of the Xu family and ruin my gigolo father's reputation that way.

After all, my mother wasn't like a typical mistress who stole someone's husband. When she became his wife, she directly angered my brother's mother to death.

Then she swaggered into the Xu family with me.

My mother must have been quite a woman to marry into the family, but she was lovesick and foolish.

She embellished, she fawned, she put on a show.

My stepfather must have been quite a man to love my mother, but he was impossible to read. Everything he did, inside and out, was about what he could gain.

Women. Money.

They teamed up and sent my brother to a conversion therapy center when I was fifteen.

When he left, he said, "When I get back, I'll kill you." I didn't know how someone so refined could say something so crude.

As it turned out, when my brother came back, he did exactly that. Our parents died in a car accident, and he was left with broken legs and blind, at my mercy.

Of course, I didn't let him go.

I kissed him, choked him, fucked him like a madman. I wanted him to know how stupid his decision had been.

He couldn't stop crying. His body trembled, but he still struggled to kiss me back, saying, "Xiao Yan, your big brother knows he was wrong."

Afterward, he took all the money I had on me and ran away. Maybe he died. I couldn't find him no matter how hard I looked.

"Big brother, you don't love me at all, do you? But I love you, so use me as much as you like. Don't feel guilty. I owe you."

* On JJ, they aren't registered on the same household record, and they aren't related by blood (otherwise I'd be violating the rules :( Ahhh).

* This core premise was first published on zh. I can prove it (I wrote it in April).

* First-person, top's point of view.

* Both are unhinged, their values are messed up, and it's a wild ride. Be prepared before reading.

* Please don't curse me or attack me personally. The author is fragile, truly fragile X﹏X

* This is just a change of pace. Don't curse me. If you don't like it, don't read it. Keep a good mood.

Theme: Finding the light in you and me.