After I Reincarnated as a Germaphobe, I Ran into My Former Favorite, Osamu Dazai

I was a fan of Dazai from Bungo Stray Dogs. On my way to a convention, hoping to find a highly accurate Dazai to take a photo with (just lookalike, not cosplay), I suddenly transmigrated. And perhaps because Granny Meng's soup had been watered down, I forgot my memories of the real world.

I had been a woman, but after reincarnating, I became a man, and one even more of a germaphobe than I had been in my previous life.

My home was cleaned every day. I wore white from head to toe, without a speck of dirt on me. I always carried 75% rubbing alcohol, and never went out without a mask, gloves, and specially made protective goggles. When I got home, I disinfected my entire body.

Under those circumstances, finding someone drowning near my front door was a truly miserable thing.

Even more miserable was that

After exhausting myself using a clothes hanger and a pole to haul him to shore without touching him, I discovered he was my former favorite character.

Well, that made sense. In anime, Yokohama is depicted as an exceptionally filthy place, full of smoke and gunshots, parasites and corpses.

Especially with those five distinctive buildings in the distance.

The grime on my hands and Dazai Osamu's face triggered two things at once, and I remembered my past.

#My dead former-life memories suddenly began attacking me#

I suddenly remembered a conversation I'd had with my best friend back then.

“You like that Dazai from the anime?”

“Yeah, I love him.”

“What if he became a real person? Would you still like him?”

“...Absolutely not. I'd say goodbye immediately.”

“Why?”

“...That personality would make everyone hate him in real life.”

“Anything else?”

“I don't want to fish a mackerel out of the water. He's heavy.”

“That's all? What if you only had to kiss him, and then he'd go straight back to the anime world?”

“Then I'd run eight hundred li in the opposite direction.”

“Why?” My best friend was bewildered. “Isn't he your dream guy?”

“I'm only attracted to intelligence, thank you.” I calmly corrected her understanding. “Besides, ”

“Just think how filthy the water in Yokohama was back then! They dumped dead bodies in the bay, trash in the bay, and freaking industrial waste in the bay. And Dazai Osamu went into that water all the time. I think anyone who fished him out would be a hero, because he'd basically be a walking pile of parasites.” I instantly made a catlike grimacing face. “Anime characters are for looking at, not getting close to. Kissing them would be even worse. Just imagine how many parasites are in the lungs and mouth of someone who keeps going underwater and choking on it. I might actually throw up.”

And so my poor friend was left speechless.

Back to the present.

Dazai Osamu suddenly sat bolt upright, his face about three centimeters from mine. Looking weary, he said, “I failed to die again.” As I watched his lips move, my first reaction was

I shot back eight meters, put on a gas mask, and screamed as loudly and despairingly as I could, “Could you give me some personal space, you freak! Aah! Back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back!”

For the first time in my life, I managed to make Dazai Osamu's face freeze.

When Dazai Osamu regained consciousness, he knew he had once again failed to die by drowning.

This time, the sensation of being touched by someone was especially strange. It was probably some complete stranger with far too much kindness in their heart.

So, full of displeasure, he prepared himself for the usual lecture from the person who had fished him out, telling him not to try to kill himself. He was ready to retort, and his irritation grew even worse when he confirmed that the person was a man.

(The sensation was especially strange? Of course it was. That strange contraption had been put together from a clothes hanger and a pole.)

But he never expected that the person who saved him would see his face, instantly retreat eight meters, and frantically shout “Back, back, back!” while sneaking toward the room like a cat.

The fear was completely genuine, but...

It wasn't because he was afraid of Dazai Osamu of the Port Mafia. It was as if...

He thought Dazai was contagious.

Hearing the door slam shut and the lock click from inside, Dazai's mouth twitched.

...Was that really necessary? He didn't want to get close to this person either, but he did have some confidence in his looks.

...Leaving aside people who were afraid of his name, this was the first time anyone had ever shown such disgust toward him.

And so Dazai resolved to make life difficult for the person who had dragged him to shore, then left him out in the cold wind.

PS: This is probably the first time Dazai has been rejected for this reason in any fanfic, and rejected this badly, too... If you can't accept it, please leave. Click the X in the upper-right corner and be civil. Don't hurt yourselves or me. Everyone can be happy.

PPS: The protagonist really is extremely germaphobic. Normal people have to speak to him from a meter away and wear a mask. Dazai has to keep three meters away, and also wear protective goggles. Anyone entering the house has to be sprayed with 75% medical alcohol before they're allowed in. If you can't accept that setup, you can leave too, dear readers. Please refer to the previous note (hands clasped).

PPPPS: Oda will fish him out.

Theme: Jumping into industrial wastewater really isn't advisable. Please, if you're going to jump in, choose clean water!