A Zerg Scumbag, but a Hopeless Romantic

A comedy. Even better when read alongside the chapter comments~ I. After transmigrating into a book, Lang Yan is ordered by the System to play the role of a “scum gong” properly. Lang Yan has read widely since childhood and is very confident. He says playing a “scum gong” will be a piece of cake, and promises to complete the task with ease. Facing his female Lord, who signs the divorce papers with a vacant stare Lang Yan tears up the papers and confidently delivers the most iconic scum-gong line of the twenty-first century: “I’m not divorcing you. Society is under too much pressure these days. If you stay home all day, you’ll just overthink things. Why not get a job? It’s okay if it doesn’t pay much. I’ll support you.” His female Lord: ? Facing his female Lord, who has spilled a cup of water and kneels, begging to be punished Lang Yan casually tosses aside the whip and calmly delivers a line he learned from the System’s book list just ten minutes ago: “Don’t try to play the pity card with me. You spilled the water, so clean it up yourself. I’m not doing it for you.” His female Lord: … II. Lang Yan’s path to playing a scum gong is fraught with difficulties. The System’s heartbreak score refuses to rise, and sometimes even drops a little. After carefully analyzing the situation, he decides the problem lies with his identity. He has transmigrated to an insect planet where females outnumber males a thousand to one, and he is a noble male insect. A noble male insect who can’t find a job has no choice but to rely on a female insect for support. How can that be acceptable? He’s supposed to be a scum gong! Can a scum gong without financial power even be called a scum gong? He’s just a useless freeloader! He wouldn’t even have the confidence to manipulate anyone! To make money, Lang Yan starts writing new endings for various abandoned web novels online. Perhaps because playing a scum gong every day is so exhausting, he completely lets loose when writing, revealing his true nature and turning every scummy male insect in the original stories into a lovesick fool. What about abusing a wife and child, with a tragic romance full of angst? Change it so the protagonist gets a terminal illness, loses his mind, then recovers and turns over a new leaf, spoiling his wife and child rotten! What about having a mistress on the side while keeping the wife at home? Change it so the receiver has split personalities, and the gong has always loved the same insect. What about the crown prince gong making the receiver spend years in prison and beating him every day? That can’t be salvaged. Get rid of him, fast. The next one will be more obedient. What, you want to know who the next one is? That one there, yes, yes, the Insect Emperor. Pair the protagonist with the Insect Emperor! Just as Lang Yan becomes the most mysterious and popular author on the entire insect planet by writing new endings for abandoned novels, he is arrested by the military. His crime: insulting male insects and the imperial family. III. The life of Rong Yan Barenlair is just like his name: glory first, then nightmare. He rose through the ranks and earned countless honors, yet wound up in prison for harming a male insect. To stay alive, he was forced to liquidate all his assets and pledge allegiance to Lang Yan Saierte Aosidengfeisi, the former crown prince, abandoned by the imperial family and infamous across the insect planet for his brutality. Rong Yan thought his life as an insect would end in darkness, but then one day his male Lord suddenly… went mad. Not only did he stop threatening him with divorce whenever things didn’t go his way, he even agreed to reinstate him and let him keep working. When Rong Yan came home after work in the evening, there would be delicious food waiting for him, cooked by his male Lord. …And it tasted even better than what he made himself. These baffling days went on until one day Rong Yan discovered that his male Lord seemed to be writing novels on his opticomputer. Unable to contain his curiosity, Rong Yan sneaked a glance and saw his male Lord solemnly replying to a reader’s comment: “The crown prince is a pathetic little mushroom. He’s useless, but thinks he’s all that, and all he does is throw his weight around at home. What a waste. The general doesn’t love him at all, he just treats him like an automatic massage chair. The general’s true love is the Insect Emperor. He’ll dump that useless crown prince soon and run into the Insect Emperor’s arms.” Rong Yan: … Insect God, please make sure that even while he’s going mad, my male Lord remembers that he’s the crown prince. And if you can grant one more favor, please make him remember that his father is the Insect Emperor. IV. Rong Yan receives an assignment to arrest an author named “Yue Huo.” “Yue Huo” not only slanders the imperial family and military in his writing, but also sneaks in his personal views, writing things like, “The insect planet’s system of male supremacy and female inferiority is incredibly backward. It should have been overturned long ago!” But “Yue Huo” has already grown far more popular than the imperial family anticipated, and his words have even united people willing to overthrow the ruling order. The arrest warrant has barely been issued when several military districts rebel one after another. Countless single female insects call themselves “disciples of Yue Huo,” grab their weapons and guns, and come to rescue their god. Soon, on opposite sides of an iron-barred window, Lang Yan, indignantly declaring, “Even thirty years from now, I’ll still be a hero,” and his own general female Lord, wearing a conflicted expression, meet eyes. Lang Yan: … Rong Yan: … A goofy, lovesick gong who transmigrates into a book X a once-beautiful and tragic receiver who later becomes his biggest anti-fan after following his stories Rong Yan: I don’t want to be an anti-fan, but I really don’t understand why someone would call himself a little mushroom. I think I have to speak up as his female Lord. And what do you mean, dump the crown prince and marry the Insect Emperor? Th-that… Mini Theater: Why They Rebelled Lang Yan: The people have been driven to revolt by the authorities. We have no choice but to rebel! Rong Yan: Either I turn our crown prince into the Insect Emperor, or I move to another planet right now. Please note: 1. One-on-one, gong pampers receiver, happy ending. The whole story is a lighthearted, funny, sweet treat. The story-within-a-story and side-couple content barely appears in the main text. 2. Set in a fictional world with no connection to reality. 3. All the names are foreign. Coming Soon: “Scum Gong of the Insect Race, but an Honest Man” I. After Ling Ye dies, he joins the transmigration bureau and is assigned to the department specializing in playing honest men. The department’s mission: Forgive your wife for cheating. Take responsibility when she gets pregnant. Bear the biggest blame and be the most miserable victim. After graduating from the training department with top marks, Ling Ye confidently chooses an SSS-difficulty tragic romance about the insect race. But the System malfunctions: not only does he transmigrate in person rather than through a soul, the original story also fails to load. Luckily, Ling Ye looks at his female Lord and little insect cub, both collapsed and on the verge of death at his feet, and immediately understands. This scene is so classic. He doesn’t need the original story to figure it out Isn’t this what happens when you discover, after years of marriage, that the child isn’t yours? For an honest man like him, this is as natural as eating and drinking. The original owner was ridiculous, getting angry over such a little thing. He’s making honest men everywhere look bad. Ling Ye immediately drops to his knees, embraces his female Lord, and says with restrained anguish, “I’m sorry. I was impulsive just now. I’ll work hard from now on to support you and the baby!” His female Lord: ? The little insect cub: ?? II. It really is an SSS-difficulty tragic romance. Ling Ye soon discovers that no matter how hard he tries, he can’t get the standard perk of an honest man: A respectable, stable job. Watching his female Lord grow increasingly well-fed and the little insect cub cry for food, Ling Ye hides in his study every day, putting on an honest smile and pretending to work online. In reality, he earns dirty money as a paid poster on the Star Network. A new emperor takes the throne, and for the first time in insect history, the “one female, one male” system is put on trial. The enormous changes provoke countless voices of opposition. To resist the reform, conservatives hire hordes of paid posters to publish on the Star Network every day, crushing the reformists so they can barely raise their heads. An ordinary conservative posts: “I’m a female soldier. Thanks to the one-female-one-male system, I married my beloved male Lord and became his female Lord. My life seems happy, but it isn’t. I never dare look my male Lord in the eyes. I’m afraid of seeing his longing for other female insects and his disappointment in me. I think that if it weren’t for the one-female-one-male system, my male Lord would be much happier than he is now…” Comments: “Waaah! For the sake of male insects’ physical and mental health, we firmly oppose the one-female-one-male system!” Ling Ye posts: “I’m a male insect. Thanks to the one-female-one-male system, I married the female insect I love and made him my female Lord. I never dare look him in the eyes. I know he doesn’t love me at all, and the little insect cub I love isn’t even my biological child. I often think that without the one-female-one-male system, he would rather marry the male insect he loves as his seventh female consort than choose me. Even so, I’ll still wish him well. I hope the one-female-one-male system is abolished so he can pursue the happiness he wants…” Comments: ????????? The reformists’ paid posters are confused: “Th-this really is a conservative?” Ling Ye replies: “Yes. I’m a very conservative, honest insect.” III. To save his dying comrade, Fei Er kidnaps the male insect Ling Ye to obtain a healing factor. Fei Er is prepared to pay with his life, but on that night of passion, he gets more than a healing factor from the male insect: an insect egg. As the one-female-one-male system is being forcefully implemented, Fei Er gets lucky and marries Ling Ye, becoming his female Lord. Unfortunately, a system is just a system. It can’t change an insect’s heart. Ling Ye knows he is beyond forgiveness. After they marry, he gives everything he has to Ling Ye. No matter how Ling Ye treats him, he bears it without complaint, allowing himself to be covered in bruises. Only once, when Ling Ye tries to kill the little insect cub, does Fei Er instinctively fight back. That one time makes his male Lord turn over a new leaf… No, it makes him hit his head and lose his mind. From that day on, Ling Ye changes completely. He puts down the whip and picks up a spatula, puts down the liquor bottle and picks up a baby bottle. Again and again, he attends the little insect cub’s parent-teacher meetings, and night after night, he clings to Fei Er to express “an honest male insect’s outrage.” Fei Er spends each happy day feeling guilty, enjoying his male Lord’s kindness while waiting like a death-row inmate for the day he must repay him for everything. III. Years later, thanks to Ling Ye’s efforts in the opposite direction, the reformists declare victory, and the one-female-one-male system is enshrined in insect law forever. At the same time, the military is reorganized and a series of wrongful cases involving male insects are reopened. In court, Ling Ye tearfully pleads Fei Er’s case: “I know that among the insect race, female insects must be loyal to male insects, and cheating is a serious crime. But Fei Er is different. He didn’t do it on purpose!” Fei Er: ? Ling Ye: “The reason Fei Er cheated is all my fault. I made him cheat!” Fei Er: “W-wait…” Ling Ye says with restrained anguish: “I’m impotent. I can’t do it. Fei Er just wanted an insect cub, and because I couldn’t, he had to choose another insect. What did he do wrong? If anyone’s at fault, it’s me. If you’re going to arrest someone, arrest me!” Fei Er: “Wait!!!!!!” Judge: “Please maintain order in court. Save the public displays of affection for home. Next.” * Mini Theater Fei Er: “Insect God above, if I’m guilty, let the law punish me. Don’t let my male Lord post on the Star Network speculating that I cheated with more than twenty male insects at once, including his own father…” This is the third book in the insect-race series, jumping ahead of the queue. As usual, the gong pampers the receiver, and this time there’s also a little cub to raise. The cub is Ling Ye’s biological child. He transmigrated twice: the first time, he left behind a cub; the second time, he officially transmigrated. The new emperor is Lang Yan from “Scum Gong of the Insect Race, but Love-Brained.” There may be a crossover toward the end. A scatterbrained male father, a helpless female father, and a bewildered insect cub: my take on the standard insect-family household. Theme: Never give up, and keep moving forward