After the Fake Heiress Inherited the Funeral Home

[Book One complete. You can favorite Book Two in the author's collection. The author will start it after consulting a fortune-teller, QAQ]

Su Yun died for no apparent reason in her previous life. After being reborn, she learned that she was the fake heiress, taken away as a baby to ward off disaster for the real heiress, Su Yun.

Even though she was lucky enough to be reborn, she had lost all her good fortune and was now an ordinary person. All she could do was inherit her birth parents' run-down funeral home, which offered every funeral service imaginable, and muddle through the rest of her life.

But the funeral home's mortician was a beautiful ghost who always made the corpses look lifelike with her makeup; the corpse carrier was a retired underworld officer who kept reaching for his soul-locking chains out of habit; and the person who decorated the funeral hall was a ghost bride who always made funerals look like ghost weddings...

A bunch of big shots with impressive reputations, yet when something happened to a corpse, all they could do was hide behind the boss!

Boss Su Yun: [Death smile.jpg]

With no other choice, Su Yun put up another notice looking for an employee who could handle trouble. Instead, she got a clueless Taoist master who only knew how to catch ghosts.

Help wanted: Funeral home assistant. Must be an adult, able to take care of themselves, neat in appearance, quick and efficient, brave, and able to fold spirit money and cut funeral clothes. If interested, contact the boss, Su Yun, at 123xxxxxxxx.

Su Yun glanced at Lin Lang's plain, unremarkable resume. "...All right, you're hired."

At least Taoist masters were all brave. He wouldn't shove the boss out in front to take the bullet :)

One-on-one romance: Su Yun x Lin Lang. A laid-back, occasionally Taoist funeral home director heroine x a quiet, obedient, top-tier powerhouse hero.

Completed works include The 1980s Feng Shui Master. The ongoing novel Everyday Life with a Savior Complex is updating daily alongside this one~

Forthcoming novel 1: Lampy, I'm Going to Start Rendering Oil

Blurb 1:

Hua Deng is an oil lamp that lights the imperial tombs, nicknamed the Eternal Flame. After absorbing the essence of the sun and moon and the imperial dragon energy in the tomb, she gained sentience. But as a lamp, she has one big problem: she needs oil. Without oil, she goes out. If she goes out, she can't take human form. If she can't take human form, she's stuck as a completely ordinary lamp.

The oil her artisan master poured into her back in the day is almost gone. Hua Deng decides to go out and earn some oil, so she starts working as a substitute for rich people. As long as she comes into contact with enough dead people, she'll have all the oil she needs. One day, she gets a job filling in for a wealthy older sister at a matchmaking party, a dating show, and a matchmaking dinner.

The rich older sister is generous, promising to pay Hua Deng a million for every potential match she scares off, with no upper limit. Hua Deng immediately decides she could do this for the rest of her life!

At the matchmaking party, Hua Deng acts like a shameless fortune-teller. Whenever a man tries to strike up a conversation, she starts telling him when he'll die. The sooner he'll die, the happier she looks. By the end of the night, every man there has stopped talking to her.

On the dating show, Hua Deng is useless at everything except eating. When the director asks what she thinks of the male contestants, her only response is a list: "A little oily, moderately oily, nicely oily, very oily." She manages to offend every viewer in the livestream.

At the matchmaking dinner, Hua Deng can talk even more than all the aunties there. She asks, "How old is your kid? What grades do they get? So clever, are they top of the class?" Then she says, "If your marriage isn't working, it's definitely the man's fault. I'd recommend trading him in. It's better for the kids." She talks every matchmaker into getting a divorce.

Blurb 2:

Hua Deng is thriving while posing as her rich older sister. Before they fully switch identities, though, the older sister tells her about a gloomy man in their social circle. Everyone says he's evil-tempered and won't live long, and that he's become increasingly strange as he gets older. If Hua Deng runs into him, she should just treat him like a dead person and pay her respects.

But one day, Hua Deng runs low on oil and can't maintain her rich older sister's appearance. By chance, she runs into the man everyone has supposedly been treating like a dead person. She immediately sees her chance. There are lots of men with a bit of oil, but few are like this man, who seems to be an endless oil-pressing machine.

So whenever Hua Deng runs out of oil and can't find any new corpses, she goes to Gu Zhongjin, the fully automatic oil press, and takes a sip to keep herself going with an all-you-can-eat meal. Every time she's done, she runs off. The whole idea is to eat without paying!

Gu Zhongjin suspects he doesn't have long to live because he occasionally has hallucinations. He sees a strange woman walk past him, giving him an eerie, indescribable, utterly baffling smile every time.

Later, no matter how hard Gu Zhongjin investigates, he can't find out who the mysterious woman is. When he finally starts making arrangements for his own funeral, he suddenly sees a matchmaking show on a friend's tablet, and someone on it flashes him a smile he knows all too well...

Forthcoming novel 2: I'll Pick Up Trash to Support You [The 1980s]

Blurb: When Liu Shenghuai was a child, her master read her fortune and said she was destined to be a lonely, unlucky woman with a short life and a life of poverty. She wouldn't live past thirty.

Liu Shenghuai has no desire to die poor. In her second year after leaving her master's tutelage, she starts trying to change her fate. With her enormous fortune of two yuan and twenty-five cents, saved up over twenty-five years, she joins an archaeological team, hoping to borrow a little luck from a thousand-year-old corpse and live a bit longer.

But an earthquake traps her inside the main burial chamber. Liu Shenghuai decides she might as well empty the whole tomb, but then the head in the coffin comes alive, opening its eyes to find her rummaging through the clothes on its corpse.

Liu Shenghuai silently meets its gaze, reaches out to cover its eyes, and tries to hypnotize it: "You got up too quickly. No one's rummaging through your coffin. Go back to sleep."

The head: "..."

To save her own life, Liu Shenghuai manages to steal the man's head. Before they leave, she thumps her chest and promises, "Don't worry, I'll take good care of you. Stick with Sister Huai! Three days, nine meals! I mean, three days, we'll make sure you get nine meals."

The head: "..."

Once they're out of the tomb, here's what actually happens:

Liu Shenghuai: "You know I've never had any money, and I was separated from my mother, so I can only get by picking up trash... I've got no money, just my life. What I offer is companionship!"

The head: "." So now I'm just a head who has to support you?

Liu Shenghuai: "OvO"

Favorite it in the author's collection~

Theme: The truth should not be buried with the dead.