How to Scientifically Save Someone When Your Secret Identity Isn't Human

[This story is also known as: "Can't I Just Be a Person?" "Why Am I an Idiot When I'm Shinichi's Childhood Friend?" "How I Became a Savior Despite Not Being Human"] Sakurai Rin died. Sakurai Rin came back to life. Sakurai Rin died again. Sakurai Rin came back to life again. Don't get the wrong idea. It was all because of his System missions. Sakurai Rin was an ordinary high school student. One day, he was suddenly bound to a Savior app. It told him to use secret identities to save certain popular characters in manga, or the world would end. Who knew Sakurai Rin would accept all this without a moment's hesitation? After all, the high schooler who becomes the savior is a trope worn threadbare in novels and anime. His childhood friend was even called the Holmes of the Heisei Era. What was so strange about him becoming a savior? His first secret identity was a microwave. Before he had time to get over his surprise, he was dismantled into a pile of parts and was GG. Remembering the scene of the curly-haired little brat taking him apart with a screwdriver, Sakurai Rin was speechless. But people on the forum were laughing and pointing at the curly-haired little brat, shouting, "Mommy loves you!" Sakurai Rin: Fine, if I can't take him on, I'll just stay out of his way. Refusing to give up, he took on a second secret identity, this time a fruit knife. Before he could react, its owner was about to plunge him into someone else's stomach. He jolted, snapped himself in half, and was GG again. People on the forum: Waaaaah, the kitty angel's daddy! Good thing the knife broke! Sakurai Rin: When you say that, have you ever thought about how the knife feels? The third, the fourth... A doorbell, a bandage, a phone, a remote control... Sakurai Rin tried all kinds of bizarre ways to die (secret identities destroyed). At his most unlucky, he discovered that he had become a bomb with only three seconds left on the countdown. And the curly-haired police officer in front of him, supposedly someone's beloved, was the very brat who had destroyed several of his secret identities! Sakurai Rin: I'm falling apart. Taking on secret identities is fine, and being a savior is fine, but can't I just be a person? Also, could you make my secret identities last a little longer, please? System: As you wish. When Sakurai Rin finally got his wish and took on a secret identity that was human, he discovered that maybe being human wasn't such a good idea. Because he seemed to have become a... criminal. Or, more precisely, the leader of a group of criminals. Sakurai Rin, who had always been a law-abiding citizen, held his gun with a trembling hand as he looked at his underlings, all codenamed after liquor. Meanwhile, comments on the forum went wild: [AAAAH, a new liquor! The Black Organization finally got a real liquor, not some watered-down stuff!] [Holy crap, that liquor looks so strong it'll knock you on your ass!] [GIN, the teammate you've been waiting for is finally here!!!!] [Huh? How does this liquor know Conan's real identity?!!! Oh no, this liquor won't survive a single movie!] Sakurai Rin tried to negotiate with the System: How about I go back to not being human? System: I'm afraid that's not possible, dear. We have to save the world! Sakurai Rin: Tell me, how is a criminal supposed to save the world?! And what do you mean this liquor is strong and won't survive a single movie? Stop cursing me to die, damn it! After running into the curly-haired brat, the long-haired police officer, the cat-eyed angel, the dark-skinned waiter, and a string of other popular characters he'd saved with his secret identities, Sakurai Rin finally understood. Damn, the manga world is my world? And that terrifying being known as the "Shinigami Little Detective" is his dear childhood friend!! Sakurai Rin thought it over, then earnestly told the dark-skinned waiter and the curly-haired police officer, who had come to test him, "This may be hard to believe, but I watched you grow up." The curly-haired police officer: ? The blond waiter: ? Seeing they didn't believe him, Sakurai Rin added, "Actually, I'm also the one who saved your lives." The two of them: ... Sakurai Rin: "Isn't that touching? No need to thank me. It was only right." After all, if I hadn't saved you, the world would've ended! [Police Academy Extra] Blondie with dark skin: (proudly) I don't mind telling you, I've had a guardian spirit protecting me since I was a kid. Cat eyes: (eyes wide) What? You have one too, Zero? Blondie with dark skin: ...? Hiro, do you have one too? Cat eyes: (looking conflicted) ...Yeah, I do. The long-haired playboy slung an arm around the black-haired curly-haired guy's neck. Actually, Matsuda and I have one too! It's been with us all along! Blondie with dark skin and cat eyes: (fall silent) The squad leader, just back from a date: Hey, what are you talking about? All four, in unison: Guardian spirits. The squad leader laughed heartily and gave a thumbs-up. So you all know now! It's true, I had a guardian spirit when I was a kid. The four of them: ...? This guardian spirit sure gets around!!! [Reader's Guide] 1. A lighthearted, ridiculous story. Don't worry about the logic. 2. At first, all his secret identities are inanimate objects. Later, once he has enough points, he can take on living secret identities. 3. The whole Police Academy group will be saved, along with some of the Conan characters whose tragic fates readers can't get over. 4. The male lead is a silly beauty (not an intellectually disabled beauty)!!! 5. There will be lots of everyday moments with his childhood friend, manga scenes, and forum content. 6. The squad leader isn't on the cover because adding a kid costs too much. Adding the squad leader would mean adding Natalie too, so I decided to let the two of them go on a date instead (to save money). Theme: Protecting the most innocent dreams of childhood