[Tang Dynasty] Watching the Xuanwu Gate Incident, I'm Just a Little Imperial Cook

Other people transmigrate and devote themselves to charming founding ancestors, helping build their empires. Zhou Yue'an is a famously useless nobody, and after transmigrating, he has to rely on the original owner's memories and skills as an imperial chef just to earn enough to eat.

The good news is that he doesn't have to take the college entrance exams anymore. The bad news is that Li Yuan is on the throne, and Li Shimin, the future Tang Taizong, is still the Prince of Qin. The drama of brothers turning against each other hasn't begun yet.

Zhou Yue'an is also going to witness the grand show of "I love my older brother, not my younger brother. See you at Xuanwu Gate tomorrow." But he's only a low-ranking imperial chef. Can he survive in this perilous palace?

Well, since things have come to this, should he try becoming buddies with the young Taizong first?

Ahhh, but Erlang, why do you have to bring me along when you go campaign at Hulao Pass?

*

When Zhou Yue'an first transmigrated, he did have a golden finger. The System called it the "Lecturer System": it would invite several famous historical figures of lasting renown to teach him in his dreams, helping him grow into an exceptional and outstanding official.

But who knows what went wrong with the System. Zhou Yue'an sleeps soundly every night and has never met a single lecturer.

Meanwhile, ever since Li Shimin happened to meet a young imperial chef around fifteen years old, he has had nightmares every night.

During the day, he has a mountain of work to deal with. The Tang Dynasty is newly founded, and everything is waiting to be rebuilt.

At night, he has to face all kinds of mad ghosts. Sometimes one claims to be Qin Shi Huang, the First Emperor who established the imperial system and made his name immortal, and teaches him how to attack the enemy, capture cities and territory, maneuver among his brothers, and seize the throne by stepping over corpses.

Sometimes the ghost transforms into Emperor Wu of Han, constantly urging him to drive out the Xiongnu. He even summons two generals named Wei Qing and Huo Qubing, lays out a sand table, and teaches him how to win against larger forces on the battlefield and strike deep into enemy territory.

Sometimes it becomes Yu Qian, advising him on how to be a wise ruler once he ascends the throne, and lamenting how wonderful it would be if his own emperor were as brilliant and mighty as Li Shimin.

There are also plenty of other eccentric figures who disturb his dreams every day: Zhang Juzheng, Zhuge Liang, Zhang Liang, and poets like Li Bai and Du Fu, who weep and cry "Taizong!" the moment they see him, then keep reciting poetry.

Erlang: "..."

Is it possible that he already knows almost everything they're telling him?!

Well, never mind. Overall, it's been pretty beneficial.

Forced to stay after class and pestered beyond endurance, he discovers that if he happens to run into Zhou Yue'an and say a few words to him, there's a chance he'll have a peaceful dream.

Erlang: "!!!"

What a wonderful deal!

Zhou Yue'an goes to sleep feeling great, only to find himself back in a high school classroom in his dream. The teacher turns around, majestic and imposing, with a ruddy, full face, and introduces himself as Zhao Kuangyin.

The words "Practical Breakdown of the Thirty-Two Forms of Taizu's Long Fist" are written on the blackboard!

Zhou Yue'an: Help meeeee!

Not long after, he also discovers that if he talks to Li Shimin for a while, he can transfer the Lecturer System to him. It turns out that on the day the golden finger appeared, he happened to run into Li Shimin by the lake. The golden finger couldn't tell them apart, so it bound them both.

Zhou Yue'an/Li Shimin: "..."

This thing is completely unreliable!

They keep passing it back and forth, and that's how a perpetual motion machine is invented!

Old Book of Tang: Veritable Records of Taizong

[When Taizong was nearly twenty, he met the young imperial chef Zhou Yue'an in the palace and took him as a close friend, though he was of humble birth.

When he raised an army, Yue'an protected him several times, risking his own life to save Taizong from danger.

Early in the Zhenguan era, Yue'an was specially appointed as a Deputy Commander of the Right Thousand Oxen Guards and placed in charge of the imperial kitchens. He was allowed to carry a weapon while on guard at the palace, a privilege granted to no other trusted aide.]

Zhou Yue'an, years later: I actually made it into the history books! And they make me sound so cool! Though, the reason I was allowed to carry a weapon was that I have no idea how to use one!!!

Tips:

1. The protagonist and Erlang are pals who keep trying to skip class (not really).

2. The protagonist is genuinely not much use. His motto is "take it easy." But his cooking is delicious, and he spends all day eating, drinking, and wandering around the palace. After all, food is the people's first necessity.

3. Slice of life. The author is illiterate, so don't expect much from the writing or historical knowledge. It's probably going to be very plainspoken.

Theme: Water the fruits of victory with sweat.