Mortal: Lei Xiu of the Jin Dynasty

It makes no sense, there are too many wrong sentences, and there are too many logical loopholes.

There is no kernel. Within the mortal frame.

If you don't have a harem, what should I see? Look at you in it, men and women are gay, you are in the framework of the story of a mortal cultivating immortality, and there is another mortal cultivating immortality, then I will just read the original work

Why do mortals like to write about Shuanggan and Han Li? Isn't the most important thing about writing about mortals not their worldview? Isn't it the process of a mortal cultivating immortality? Isn't it a description of the exercises, magic weapons, and copies?

The great advancement at the beginning is before the timeline of the original work. The key is that this is fan fiction. The highlight and selling point is to erase the regrets of the original work and create a chemical reaction with the original characters. If not, why write fan fiction? Just be original, and you don't have to give Wangyu a commission. How nice.

It also makes up for Wei Wuya's regret of not breaking through to become a god. Isn't it a regret to do the old devil? Or is Fang Lao Mo not sorry? Star Palace Twin Saints? Six paths? Wan Sangu? Which is not a step away! Which of the one or two hundred Nascent Souls in the later stage does not regret it? Which of those fusions in the spiritual world doesn't regret it? It's quite boring. Mortals can never break through the Legend of Immortality if they have resources. Wang Chan and Mu Peiling have all the resources, but they can't break through! It's better not to write a heroine who doesn't understand anything.

Fans write original heroines. Where do I get the sense of involvement? Yuan Yao in the original work. Can't Ling Yuling? If it's because of age. Wait until the elixir is formed before looking for Bingfeng. Bai Yaoyi. Red whisk. Nangong Wan. Mrs. Wen can do this. You actually created a nun as the heroine. What do you think? It's the devil who gets good grades. Mortals do not seize opportunities. Collect some beautiful female nuns with original works. Basically, they are all stories of old slaves cultivating immortality.

The previous chapter is Little Poison, which I can barely read, but the chapter on the birth of a baby is really poisonous! I really don't understand why I don't have a baby in the Jinghuo Sect, but I have to come to the pit of gods to have a baby and reveal my secret opportunity. Even if there is a small tower to save my life, I still have to consider the people close to me, such as the Tianfu Sect, what should the protagonist do if those sects, late-stage Nascent Souls, and even gods are threatened? It's really stupid to have a baby in Shen Shen Pit!

Mark it before leaving. The plot is too thin. For the sake of plot conflict, the Yinluo Sect was pulled out and escaped countless times within 50 chapters without considering the sect's sphere of influence? Anyway, if there is a need for villains, those two from Yinluo Sect can be in place immediately. The most attractive thing about Mortal fandom is its worldview. It is rare to see a rich worldview that expands. Everyone is anxious to tell a story, and I don't know what they are anxious about. This one is also anxious to tell a story. The plot is too thin. If the mortal background is removed, isn't it just a fantasy academy martial arts contest?!

Among ordinary people, I think the book written by Three Donkeys is the best. It has good writing style, is cool, has girls, and is not brainless. The book on scientific cultivation of immortality is also okay.

If a demon sect mobilizes a large number of people for the death of a qi-training disciple, is this still a demon sect? Is it still the mortal world?

What's the point of wearing a mortal's skin and having nothing to do with the characters?

After reading fifty chapters, the biggest problem is still too cliche. The protagonist always has a deep hatred, but can never fully avenge it, which will make readers feel that the protagonist's combat power is never enough and that he is constantly under pressure. You can look at Mortals, the book Han Li Returns from the Red Dust Immortal. The protagonist is improving himself from beginning to end, and there are basically few villains who suffer from great hatred. You don't have to use revenge to advance the plot. This will make you more tired the more you read.

The first is this cheat. Its ability is teleportation. After downloading the first copy, it came up with a one-way teleportation. So what's the point of this? Goldfinger who drives high and low, and then describes the characters, is a mess, and does nothing to track. Just based on the feeling, I know that the protagonist killed it, ah, there is nothing to say, just pretend that there is no description, but when the protagonist is preparing to build the foundation, he laments that four is not enough for him to build the foundation of his alien spirit. It is not unreasonable to be scolded. Being able to write so many chapters, I really feel that the author is really powering for love.

What you wrote about your combat power is really rubbish. Lei Linggen didn't reflect it at all. No wonder no one read it.

The writing of emotional scenes is not very good. If the writing skills are not good enough, it is easy to write an original heroine that will not be accepted by the public. The names are also useless. The skill names of Zixiao Leifali are not aesthetically pleasing. Teng Shesuo and Lei Yu are ordinary, and Tianlei is ordinary. Yin, Zixiao Thunder Diamond, Zixiao Thunder Lotus, etc. Are relatively poor. Even the magic weapon is the Zixiao Divine Sword. It is difficult to comment. The main reason is the overuse of Zixiao.

Does Shen Nong know that there are too many women in the harem or 🌿? I'm a vulgar person, don't hold me hostage with morality

It's really strange. There are a lot of mortal fans, but none of them can write down the results.

A pig's trotter marries a nun, take your time and watch

If an author writes a book of more than 1.2 Million words, and the direction is not very biased, and does not reach level 4, there are very basic problems in the instructions. The writing is poor, the rationality is weak, the excitement is absent or very low, and the plot is old-fashioned. It must be at least two of the above points. 🤭

After reading dozens of chapters, I found that something was wrong, I felt unhappy, the same thing happened with me, and I didn't feel that it was any better than others in terms of combat power, cultivation, etc. Anyway, I suggested deleting the book, it was just a waste of time.

This book is the most rubbish. I don't even understand what he is writing. Just rub it, but it doesn't count.

Seeing so many complaints, I can't help but say something. Originally, the fanfics of Mortal Cultivation of Immortals are mixed, but this one is already a very good one that I have read. The fact that it doesn't have a harem is a great advantage, and it can be seen that the author has a lot of ideas. It's fun to watch but not brainless.

He causes trouble time and time again. He kills people and stuffs the opponent's special items into his pockets, which leads to being discovered by other sects. He stuffs them all the time and doesn't remember them at all. The main thing of the mortal stream is to understand the current affairs. He has no strength or power and is so arrogant that he is chased as a lost dog. He forcefully arranges some ridiculous opportunities and events. The person who whitewashes his name is the author's trumpet. Don't be deceived. Don't be fooled. You must read the chapters that interest you. Don't subscribe if the daily chapters are too sugary.

What does the original heroine do? The name is like a nun, earthy and vulgar

The biggest pain point is that you were hundreds of years ahead of Han Li in the early stage, but you had to design this place and delay it for decades, and that place was blocked for decades, and this place was blocked for decades 🙂 and then someone overtook you. From being an ant, to a little friend, to finally being a fellow Taoist, what are you waiting for? Are you waiting for Han Li? You might as well be at the same time as Han Li.

The wrongdoer has his head and the debtor has his owner. He cannot defeat his enemy. How can he take revenge on those who are related to his enemy? Is this cool? Isn't this a poisonous point? Doesn't it seem that the protagonist is incompetent and lets out his anger? To be honest, the current literary evil spirit is too strong. It is worthy of being a gangster cultivator. There are very few people who are as harmonious and harmonious as Lan Ke Qiyuan. There are also few main lines developed. Now it has become a conflict as the main line and developed as a auxiliary. There is neither domineering nor cautious kindness that the loser cannot catch up to pose any threat to himself. There is no integrity, only self-interest, and it is self-interest at the expense of others.

Or rewrite the previous chapters. To put it bluntly, the previous chapters are not worthy of the later chapters. It would be a pity if so many readers were turned away because of the previous dissuasion. After reading a few good fanfics, your biggest problem is that these are fanfics, not original works by mortals, so some of the plots in front of you that overwhelm the protagonist will be unbearable. To be honest, I was about to be persuaded to quit, so I couldn't bear to watch until the end. It is recommended that the whole story should be changed before Yuan Ying, at least before forming the elixir. A more refreshing change might attract some readers. Fan readers rarely have the patience to watch you first suppress and then improve. In other words, readers generally assume that they are going to the mortal world to become kings and hegemons, and they cannot suffer any grievances.

The early setting of this book is very good, but the writing style is average. Later, it started to work harder and the writing became better and better. Is this the first novel written by the author?

Li Feiyu's name has been spelled wrongly many times. Is this intentional by the author? Will it be changed later?