[Bungo Stray Dogs] The Witch Refuses to Get Divorced

You know, the strongest expert in black magic in our Holy City of Light is the "Witch of Black".

He has jet-black hair, hazel eyes, and mysterious white bandages wrapped around him.

Oh, he's a man.

Oh, his name is Dazai.

The Witch spends his days and nights poring over The Complete Suicide Manual. After careful research, he finds the method of death he most wants to try.

Unfortunately, fate has other plans. His superior, the ruthless Mr. Mori Ogai, refuses to tolerate his subordinate's inaction and tricks the Witch into making a magical contract.

A flash of white light, and a sweet little orange-haired god appears before him.

[Hello! A friendship delivery, with a wife sent straight to you through an online contract!]

[Congratulations on your golden wedding anniversary today!]

[Love magic: you deserve it!]

Dazai Osamu: "?"

His free wife is violent and tsundere, always charging to the front when a fight breaks out.

With his wife by his side, the Witch starts living a life of delicious three meals a day, pain-free adventures, and happy promotions.

His suicide plans are put on hold, too.

Their shamelessly blissful life is downright extravagant. Just as Dazai nearly forgets his original goal, his pretty puppy of a wife suddenly asks, "When are we getting divorced?"

Dazai Osamu: "?"

??

!!!

No way. The Witch is absolutely not getting divorced!

P.S.

1. Written on April 29. Happy birthday, Chuuya!

2. Dazai/Chuuya stays together, no switching. Any out-of-character behavior is on me; the love belongs to them.

3. An original Western fantasy setting and a Bungou Stray Dogs fanfic. Basically, it's about two stubborn overthinkers trying to get divorced, annoying everyone around them in the process, and still not getting divorced. (So, are we part of this story too?)

4. I probably won't be able to start the Dazai birthday fic I planned for next door on time. I can't finish this one in time, either. There's no way I'll get it done before June 19. *wipes away tears* Please add it to your collection or pre-save it, everyone. Sob sob sob.

5. I'll update according to the schedule if I get a ranking slot; otherwise, every other day. Please add it to your collection and so on. It really matters. (nods)

6. Aside from bonus chapters, I usually update at 9:00 a.m. If there's no update, that means there won't be one that day.

That's all.

Theme: Mistaking divorce for a bedroom game.