The Charming Demon Lord and the Handsome Monk: Reborn

The irreverent one-line pitch:

A newly reborn Archfiend gets turned (forced) gay (into submission) by a Buddhist cultivator.

Archfiend (in disbelief): Aren't you always so calm and composed?

Buddhist cultivator (serenely): You seduced me.

Archfiend (gritting his teeth): Aren't you supposed to have no worldly desires?

Buddhist cultivator (serenely): You seduced me.

Archfiend (fuming): Didn't you swear off love a long time ago?

Buddhist cultivator (serenely): You seduced me.

Archfiend (at the end of his rope): Enough! You're blind. How could I possibly seduce you?

Buddhist cultivator: Good question. Read on to find out.

Archfiend: ?

The serious pitch:

The Archfiend, Shen Xipo, is reborn.

He awakens in a world that seems much like the one he left behind, but is, in truth, even more bizarre and treacherous.

The Lantern Festival.

Every child laughing and playing in the streets carries a bright “lantern.”

Shen Xipo takes a closer look and realizes each “lantern” is actually a smooth, round human head.

“Impressive nerve.”

After pausing for a moment, he turns and leaves.

New Year's Eve.

At the sound of the bell heralding the new year, people dressed in stark white jackets and trousers arrive with heavy wooden buckets at a doorway flanked by equally stark white couplets.

They dip their brushes into buckets filled with scraps of flesh and bone, then paint the firecrackers and themselves bright red.

“Interesting.”

His brow twitches, and he turns away.

The Moon-Worship Festival.

Shen Xipo walks into a restaurant famous throughout the region.

He takes a bite of mooncake and chews a few times before expressionlessly spitting out the broken teeth and strands of hair mixed into the filling.

“Now that’s, ”

What the hell is wrong with you people?!

Who treats food like this?

In his previous life, people said he had a face that could “bring a kingdom to ruin.” In this life, with “fiends” everywhere, he decides to let loose and act as recklessly as he pleases.

First, he has to make his name as an Archfiend ring across this land of the bizarre.

Shen Xipo flips over an inn without a second thought, only to discover it's a criminal establishment. He reluctantly unlocks the “Hero of the People” achievement. He wreaks havoc in the imperial palace, then finds that evil spirits are behind it all and, in a second stroke of luck, unlocks “Demon Slayer.” He massacres a prestigious orthodox sect, only to discover that there were no innocent victims at all, not even one.jpg. Having unlocked “Punish Evil and Promote Good” for the third time, he can finally stand no more of it!

Hey! If I keep killing people like this, I'm going to become a saint!

I was reborn to commit evil, not to build up good karma!

The road to becoming a fiend can be full of trials and tribulations, but I absolutely cannot end up going in the complete opposite direction!

And then there's another particularly vexing problem:

He meets a Buddhist cultivator.

As an Archfiend, Shen Xipo has never liked self-righteous hypocrites, and monks least of all.

So when he meets a Buddhist cultivator who's at least somewhat “interesting” in this brand-new world, he instinctively goes out of his way to make things difficult for him.

But no matter how much Shen Xipo provokes him, the man remains as unshakable as a mountain, not the slightest ripple in his expression, as if he were born without a temper.

But surely no one can truly be free of all worldly attachments?

Shen Xipo refuses to believe it.

Heh.

If one approach doesn't work, try another.

Before long, Shen Xipo comes up with a wicked new plan:

I'll flirt you to death.

Convinced that a monk can be flirted with without any danger of it backfiring, he throws himself into it with wild abandon, losing all restraint and all sense of self.

Some time later,

His new plan seems to have worked.

The man he'd been deliberately teasing finally stops wearing that hypocritical mask day after day. A spark of life has returned to him, and he's drifting further and further away from what anyone would call a “Buddhist cultivator.”

Mission accomplished!

He brushes off his sleeves and walks away, leaving no trace of himself behind.

Shen Xipo slips off without a care in the world.

But

He got away, so why does it feel so chilly behind him?

As if someone were watching him from the shadows.

But isn't that man blind?

Haha...

If nothing unexpected happens, then something unexpected has happened.jpg

A compassionate, saintly Buddhist cultivator top X a ruthless, gorgeous Archfiend bottom

The top is a Buddhist cultivator with hair. He's blind at first, but regains his sight later. The bottom is a true Archfiend: beautiful, ill-tempered, and vengeful.

Contains some sanity-destroying descriptions. If you're easily frightened, please proceed with caution.

Theme: Hold fast to your principles, in good times and bad.