Please Woo the Unwinnable Character

[The art is being commissioned. The artist has sent the picture, so the story is now officially being updated. Updates before the cover changes are drafts and will be revised. I've scrapped two drafts already, and hope this one won't hit any landmines. If it does, I'll just choose a Q-version illustration.]

---A certain date:

Teacher Gojo was absolutely certain that the world had gone mad.

He woke up to find the world had become a dating game "bubbling with pink hearts."

The game interface popped up:

[Dear player, welcome to the game.]

[Matching you with a romance target...]

[Match successful: Boss Dazai!]

The Six Eyes stared at the words in parentheses after Boss Dazai's name. Teacher Gojo was silent for a full minute before reading them out in a strange tone: "U-unavailable romance target?"

---A certain date:

Boss Dazai was absolutely certain that the world had gone mad.

He'd only taken a brief nap, but the world had turned into a dating game "bubbling with pink hearts."

The game interface popped up:

[Dear player, welcome to the game.]

[Matching you with a romance target...]

[Match successful: Teacher Gojo!]

His deep, narrow eyes fixed on the words in parentheses after Teacher Gojo's name. Boss Dazai fell silent, then after a long while read them out in a strange tone: "Unavailable romance target?"

---A certain date:

With the game's AI assistant shrieking incessantly, Teacher Gojo and Boss Dazai had no choice but to make a mutual beeline for each other and meet their "unavailable" romance targets.

Teacher Gojo's game interface:

[Boss Dazai's current affection: -35]

Teacher Gojo was speechless: We'd only just met! Is this person's starting affection for strangers really that low?

Game interface:

[Warning! Warning! Warning!]

[Boss Dazai's affection -1 -1 -1...]

[Boss Dazai's current affection: -65]

Teacher Gojo: ...?!!

Boss Dazai's game interface:

[Teacher Gojo's current affection: 5]

Boss Dazai was baffled: We'd only just met, right? Is this person's starting affection for strangers really that high?

Game interface:

[Warning! Warning! Warning!]

[Teacher Gojo's affection -1 -1 -1...]

[Teacher Gojo's current affection: -40]

Boss Dazai: Hmm, that's more like it.

Reading guide:

1. Gojo x Dazai, one-on-one pairing. Don't be a ship-war troll.

2. Pure, fluffy sweetness~

3. It's not long, so please don't wait until it's complete to read. Comments urging updates are welcome~

4. This is for fun. No writing advice, please. No need to tell me if you drop it.

5. There are lots of symbols like (./|/), so please be warned if that bothers you~

6. My understanding of the characters isn't great, so some out-of-character moments are inevitable.

7. Some Bungo Stray Dogs characters are partly based on their Bungo and Alchemist versions.

8. The blurb and story are like the beef and shrimp on an instant noodle package: for reference only.

Theme: To a gentle, quiet rest of our lives