Why Is My Shizun Like This?

[Blurb written at dawn on 2024.11.30, revised on 2026.6.27, screen-recorded and archived]

Blurb:

When Jing You was in the mortal realm, he had a cultivation partner with whom he had vowed to spend their lives together. He thought they would support each other until the end, but disaster always arrives sooner than tomorrow.

Just as the two were lost in passion, a heavenly thunderbolt from nowhere struck his cultivation partner from head to toe, leaving not even a speck behind.

-

Losing his cultivation partner was bad news. Worse, all of Jing You's travel money had been kept by his partner. With him gone, not a single coin remained.

He heard that Tianchen Palace was recruiting new disciples and would feed anyone who joined. Desperate for a meal, Jing You climbed all the way up the immortal mountain and ate free buns for six days.

On the last day of his free meals, a thunderous crash came from the back mountain.

"Perfected Lord Qionghua has emerged from seclusion!"

Jing You snatched two buns and followed the crowd to watch.

In the sea of people, Yan Xingyun, who had just failed his tribulation, spotted the person standing on tiptoe and peering around while munching on a bun.

The news that Perfected Lord Qionghua had taken an ordinary mortal as his final disciple spread far and wide in a single day.

Jing You was baffled by his sudden, bargain-priced master, but at least he now had a steady meal ticket and no longer had to fear starving to death.

The only trouble was, his new master seemed to have a bad temper. After tossing him a beginner's manual on cultivation, he went back to his residence to meditate in seclusion and never came out again.

-

As a young widower who had just lost his cultivation partner, Jing You set up a clothes tomb for his husband outside his cave dwelling.

The tomb was fully stocked with keepsakes: the handkerchief he used to wipe his hands, leftover buns, a worn-out undershirt, and... the matching mandarin-duck undergarment his husband had bought for him while alive.

The day after he set up the clothes tomb, strange things began happening.

Jing You had nightmares every night and woke up aching all over. Each morning, winding red marks covered his legs, waist, and chest, as if a snake had wrapped around him.

One night, Jing You woke with a tightness in his chest. Two points of green light gleamed menacingly in the dark. He reached out and felt a hand full of cold scales.

So it hadn't been his imagination. A huge black serpent came every night and entwined with him.

The black snake was sinister, and demonic energy entered Jing You's body, making his health steadily deteriorate. He had no choice but to ask his master for help.

When he was brought to a cold pool and sat naked in his master's arms, Jing You was shocked: Why was his master doing this?

Each treatment dispelled a little of the demonic energy, and Jing You thought again: His master must have a good reason for this.

-

After moving in with his master, Jing You discovered that although he had a bad temper, his master chased the snake away, treated his injuries, taught him cultivation, and gave him spirit stones. He was a cold-faced but warm-hearted master.

But...

Why did his master's mannerisms seem so much like those of his cultivation partner, who had died years ago?

After an accident left his master gravely injured, Jing You resolutely entered his master's sea of consciousness to save him.

Anyone else would face almost certain death if they entered that sea of consciousness, but Jing You moved through it as easily as if he were walking on level ground. There, he saw the form his master had taken during his first tribulation.

Jing You was stunned. "...Husband?!"

In the blink of an eye, heavenly thunder crashed down. His master failed his tribulation and reverted to his true form. Looking at the familiar black serpent coiled before him, Jing You's vision went dark. His whole world had collapsed.

After Perfected Lord Qionghua awoke from his injuries, his only disciple was gone. Every immortal sect was searched from top to bottom, but no trace of the boy could be found.

Hiding in the mortal realm, Jing You heard the news and smugly reached for a bun.

He fumbled around for a while. Instead of a warm bun, his hand found cold snake scales.

Gong's POV:

Yan Xingyun had cultivated for a thousand years. He took human form as a snake and entered the mortal world, where he became known as Perfected Lord Qionghua. If he broke through again, passed his tribulation, and became a jiao, then turned into a dragon, he could ascend.

But his first tribulation in the mortal world was an emotional one. He fell in love on the first day they met, became cultivation partners on the second, swore to spend their lives together on the third, and was struck dead by lightning on the fourth.

He failed before his tribulation had even begun.

Yan Xingyun was so furious he spat three mouthfuls of blood. Little did he know that as soon as he emerged from seclusion, the cultivation partner who had caused his failure and sworn their lives to each other was standing there with two buns, staring blankly in his direction.

Yan Xingyun: Well, well. You've come right to me.

Reader's Guide:

* A master gong who seems furious to death but is actually madly in love, stubborn, with an even stiffer... attitude x a laid-back disciple shou with a full dose of obliviousness, who gets thoroughly devoured but thinks it's all medical treatment

* One-on-one, body and soul

* A little master-disciple age-gap romance

Theme: Haven't figured it out yet