The NPC Wants Perfect Attendance Too

As one of the many NPCs who die by the dozens in every episode of a shonen anime, my goal is to do a good job getting killed. I'll take as many gigs as I can each month, earn more money, and get perfect attendance and performance bonuses! But...

Can you people stop getting in the way of me dying?!

Death NPC Job No. 1: Upper Rank Two's snack

The demon with rainbow-colored eyes holds me in his arms and leisurely savors me, then asks if I'd like to go with him to the world of paradise.

The ultimate terror, pain, and bloodshed.

Hey, man.

If you're going to eat me, can you hurry up? It's almost six. Don't make me miss the next episode of my show!

Then, the next second, a group of teenagers wielding Nichirin swords swoops in to save me and takes me to the hospital.

Thanks, but I really don't need saving?

The rescue fails, and I die amid a chorus of wails.

Three extra hours on the clock, with no overtime pay.

My show is over, too.

I'm so jealous.

Death NPC Job No. 2: Geto the cult leader's monkey

The black-haired young man in Buddhist robes looks coldly over our group of monkeys, his eyes filled with contempt and murderous intent.

Oh, a wayward child.

At least it looks like he'll make this quick, unlike that freak from before.

Just as I'm looking forward to getting off work on time today, another white-haired young man suddenly appears and does a Domain Expansion for 0.2 seconds.

Then I spend a month brain-dead.

My shitty company won't approve sick leave! They won't cover my work injury!

I lose an entire month's salary! What am I supposed to eat next month, shit?!

Death NPC Job No. 3: Passerby who dies by suicide

Before long, the end of the month arrives.

After learning from my first two jobs, I start taking assignments more carefully. I have to take my life into my own hands, so I've decided to... drown myself.

I stand by the river, spread my arms to embrace the wind, and picture this month's attendance and performance bonuses. Tomorrow's the start of a little holiday, and I can feel freedom calling.

I jump into the water without hesitation, only to find someone wrapped in bandages floating there, too.

We stare at each other for a whole minute.

What a coincidence. You're drowning yourself, too.

Damn it, someone stole my job!

"Um, buddy, I'm still one job short of my target this month. Could you let me die first?"

"...I'll pay you back next month."

★ Can't I just die out of nowhere and become a billionaire?

★ Want to work? Be a wage slave, guaranteed death.

★ Dazai: Now that's my dream job!

↑ This dumb author wants to do this too. Are you hiring, babe? I'll take a referral bonus.

Theme: I don't love working, but I still have to love life.