A College Student's Guide to Cultivation

[A completed novel in the same style, Is Everyone in the Cultivation World Just Putting on an Act? The blurb is below. Check it out in my author page if you’re interested.] [The novel is complete! Thanks for your patience and company!] On the day Tang Weiyu went to register for college, she closed her eyes and opened them again to find she had transmigrated painlessly to a parallel world where spiritual qi had revived. She was now a first-year student at a cultivation university. You need a license to fly on a sword, and campus speed limits for sword flying are thirty kilometers per hour. A mysterious crash comes from the dormitory building, only to turn out to be a pill cultivator making popcorn. A senior sister climbs onto the hallway ceiling in the middle of the night, crying hysterically that she’s passed level six in beast language but still can’t pass CET-4 English. Her food-cultivator roommate makes dark cuisine every day, claiming it’s more suitable baby food for cultivation students... Sword cultivator: I’ve booked the weekend martial arts arena. Who’s up for a fight? Beast cultivator: Of course my spirit beast baby is my own child, carried for ten months! Just because you can’t have kids, you’re questioning whether we can? People who make snide remarks are breaking our hearts! Talisman cultivator: Peace talismans, fire talismans, and romance talismans available now! Hurry and message me if you want one~ I also take commissions for 3D models, illustrations, and concept art. I specialize in painterly and traditional-style art, and I’ll throw in a protective talisman for free. Divination cultivator: Fortune-telling, fortune-telling! Want to know if your gacha pull will be a dud? Want to know if the teacher will call on you tomorrow? Want to know who’ll win this year’s martial arts tournament? Readings start at ten yuan, same price for all ages! P.S. Stop asking if I can read your horoscope or MBTI! Medicine cultivator: I can’t take this anymore, folks! Comment “1” if you’ll join me in taking down the spirit monkeys on the back hill who keep stealing and eating our homework! If we don’t get rid of those little monsters, our final grades are doomed! Tang Weiyu: “...” Sometimes I really don’t understand you cultivation students. She still remembered her first day at school, when a senior sister pointed to a cool, aloof upperclassman nearby and solemnly warned her: “See that student? He’s the aloof flower of the Heartless Dao program, hailed as the only person in sixty years with a chance of graduating from the Heartless Dao! Anyone who leads him astray will face the condemnation of every cultivator!” Tang Weiyu nodded gravely. And now, staring at the third invitation she’d received this month from the aloof flower of the Heartless Dao, asking her to go see a movie with him, Tang Weiyu fell into thought. Oh no, has his Heartless Dao gone off the rails too? 1. A lively, easygoing, goofy sword-cultivation college girl x a cool, aloof upperclassman whose Heartless Dao has gone off the rails 2. My take on college students cultivating immortality: at heart, it’s the goofy, unhinged daily life of college students Is Everyone in the Cultivation World Just Putting on an Act? [A goofy ensemble cultivation story, where everyone’s a useless rookie pretending to be an expert.] The highest institution in the cultivation world, Chongxiao Academy, has always admitted only the most outstanding young people in the land. And among this year’s new students were five talents among talents: proud and aloof, they never acknowledged one another, but through a twist of fate became teammates and formed the strongest freshman squad in history. The top-ranked freshman was exceptionally skilled, ambitious, and looked down on all her rivals; The proud, cool-headed medical cultivator girl had healing skills beyond compare; The rich playboy was a romantic and a spendthrift, always throwing his money around generously; The domineering chosen one had a golden finger, with a mysterious inheritance hidden in his ring; The gentle demon cultivator had an ancient bloodline and could destroy heaven and earth the moment he went dark. Rumor had it that these five cultivation prodigies were each kings in their own right apart, and invincible together. They would usher in a brand-new era. But no one knew that on the day they formed their team, all five prodigies had the same thought: [Thank goodness the other four are so strong. If I join their team, no one will realize I’m a useless slacker!] Jun Zhifei transmigrated into the cultivation world and made it from a remote border village into Chongxiao Academy, where she ranked first. But after a sudden disaster overnight, she lost her powers. From then on, she had no choice but to pretend she was still number one, acting brash and confident while secretly terrified. There’s no way to pretend to be a genius without going crazy. She was just keeping up appearances! It wasn’t until she slipped into the “strongest squad in history” that she finally breathed a sigh of relief. Great, with four powerful teammates, she could keep up the act. But after they explored secret realms together, completed missions, and fought side by side through life and death, they began to realize something was off. Teammate number one, aren’t you a genius healer? Why are the pills you gave me sugar balls? Teammate number two, aren’t you the chosen one? What do you mean, “I used to have a golden finger, but it got cut off,” and “That’s not an ancient artifact, it’s just a fire poker”? Teammate number three, aren’t you a rich playboy? Why do you have to work three jobs every day and knit sweaters at night? Teammate number four, aren’t you a demon cultivator with an ancient bloodline? What do you mean, “I evolved too thoroughly to return to my ancestral form,” and “I was just pretending to go dark”? When the truth came out, the group stared at one another in disbelief. “Wait, you’re lying too? You’re pretending to be a genius as well?” And another thing: if we’re all slackers and fakes, how did we end up becoming the real strongest squad? 1. The heroine is a bold, brilliant genius, but also completely absurd and goofy. 2. Everyone has a bizarre personality, with their own clever schemes and clueless moments.] Theme: Study hard