Who Taught You to Be Such a Roommate?

● Weibo: @Jinjiang Zhangma ● My new novel, Do I Really Have to Be a Shadow Guard?, is now available. Check it out in my profile! ● The romance is a slow burn One night, Qi Yang was browsing the internet and left a comment under the latest video by a fitness blogger with thirty million followers. [I can’t even imagine how amazing it’d feel to kiss you and do it with you.] He posted the comment and immediately went to sleep. The next day, his phone blew up. The aloof blogger, who had never replied to anyone, had responded to him. [I can. You’re a coward.] - Qi Yang was a third-year student at Jiangcheng University, a beauty from the Fine Arts department. His pretty face was famous across campus, and his saucy paintings were famous all over the internet. He streamed himself painting on Station D. His account, “Little Sheep, Go to Bed Early,” had two million followers, and he was known for his dirty jokes and even dirtier paintings. But at school, Qi Yang put on a perfectly respectable act. His whole image was that of an innocent, clueless college student: going to class, grabbing meals with friends, painting, and living in “peaceful harmony” with his five roommates. Nothing ever happened, except that on the occasional night, he’d be so overwhelmed by the pheromones of Lu Jingchi, the roommate whose bed faced his, that he’d secretly get a nosebleed. Lu Jingchi was the pride of the Physics department. He’d entered Jiangcheng University’s astrophysics program with a score of 739, the highest in Jiangcheng’s science track that year, and remained a legend across campus. He was also 192 centimeters tall and devastatingly handsome. His shirt was always buttoned right up to the collar: the very definition of a cool, untouchable hunk. Qi Yang was so gay he curled up like a spring. He usually went out of his way to avoid Lu Jingchi, who looked every bit the straight guy. Qi Yang weighed barely over fifty kilos; he couldn’t take a single punch from Lu Jingchi. Then fate decided to have a laugh at his expense. One day, their packages got mixed up, and Lu Jingchi discovered a stack of his explicit BL drawings. Qi Yang was mortified. After that, he avoided Lu Jingchi even more, and eventually decided to move out of the dorm altogether. It would make streaming easier, too. Once he’d made up his mind, he acted on it. But on the day he was leaving, the 192-centimeter Lu Jingchi blocked his way in the dorm. In a cool voice, he asked, “Didn’t you want to kiss me? Why are you running?” Qi Yang: “?” - Both Qi Yang’s main and alternate Station D accounts were exposed, and gossiping netizens compiled all the dirty comments he’d left under the latest blogger’s videos. [If I can’t sleep with the blogger today, I’m blowing up all of Jiangcheng.] [My mouth was born on his chest. How many times do I have to say it?] [My family’s strict, so I’ll owe you a boy and a girl for now.] [Where’s your conscience? Where’s your shame? Where do you live? What’s your WeChat?] [Teacher Late, you know I’ve never had a wife, not even when I was a kid.] [As I grew up, homesickness became a tiny phone: my husband’s inside, and I’m outside.] “Little Sheep, Go to Bed Early,” an account with two million followers, was publicly humiliated across the internet. His followers rejoiced, and he disappeared. Later, the latest blogger passed forty million followers and, despite never showing his face or replying to anyone, held a special livestream for his fans. On camera, the tall latest blogger held a handsome young man in a white T-shirt in his arms. He called him, “Mianmian.” The young man, blushing bright red, greeted everyone. “Hi, everyone... I’m Little Sheep, Go to Bed Early.” The entire internet was rocked. *We have relied on theory for too long, and this time I want to follow my heart. *This blurb was written on August 11, 2023. The Weibo post for followers has been archived, and everything is on record. *Content warning: Readers who are uncomfortable with extreme GK and SK, or have many triggers, should proceed with caution. For my next novel, I’m trying my hand at a sweet historical romance. The first novel in my profile is Do I Really Have to Be a Shadow Guard? I’m writing it now. If you’re interested, please add it to your favorites. Kisses! Song Jian x Xiao Yinghuai In the third year of Chengqian, the new emperor Xiao Yinghuai established the Directorate of Heavenly Surveillance. Song Jian, the chief shadow guard, oversaw palace security and intelligence gathering, wielding power so immense it was frightening. No one had ever seen the Directorate’s shadow guards. Clad in night robes embroidered with dragon patterns, they came and went without a trace, like the silent shadows of Xiao Yinghuai himself. In the sixth year of Chengqian, a palace coup erupted. Loyalists of the previous dynasty conspired with members of the imperial clan to seize the throne, and the Directorate’s shadow guards were about to execute them in open court. At the crucial moment, someone came crashing down from the roof of the Golden Throne Hall. A shadow guard in dragon-patterned night robes landed squarely in Xiao Yinghuai’s arms. The court erupted in cries: “Protect the emperor! Protect the emperor!” Song Jian, who had just transmigrated, stared at the man before him in terror. “???” Huh??? Protect who???? - Song Jian transmigrated and landed straight in the arms of the emperor. Whether anyone suspected him of attempting an assassination was one thing, but the real problem was that he’d failed in his duties. According to the Directorate’s rules, he had to take thirty lashes. Song Jian knelt in the imperial study, his face deathly pale with fear. Xiao Yinghuai asked him, “Do you accept your punishment?” Song Jian trembled like a leaf. After a long moment, he managed to stammer, “C-could I refuse?” Xiao Yinghuai: “?” Xiao Yinghuai knew there was a traitor in his inner circle. Without letting on, he laid a grand plan, intending to make an example of Song Jian on the day of the coup. But Song Jian took a risky move and left him without a shred of evidence. After that, Xiao Yinghuai assigned many people to keep an eye on his shadow guard, but all their reports were the same: “Your Majesty, Lord Song fell asleep on a beam in your bedchamber. He even had someone bring him a blanket.” “Your Majesty, Lord Song has gone to sneak pastries from the imperial kitchen again.” “Your Majesty, Lord Song said... said he can’t keep doing this blasted job another day.” Xiao Yinghuai: “...” And then, later on... “Your Majesty! Lord Song was detained for harassing the Vice Minister of Rites!” Xiao Yinghuai nearly blacked out. Through gritted teeth, he ordered, “Bring him back to me.” - Being a shadow guard was a terrible job. The food and clothes were inadequate, he had to be on call around the clock, and he had to sleep on beams every night. With dark circles under his eyes, Song Jian cursed Emperor Xiao under his breath every day. Later, Xiao Yinghuai had a change of heart and promised to grant him one wish. Song Jian clasped his hands behind his back and asked obediently, “Could I stop sleeping on the beams? I... I toss and turn in my sleep. I might fall.” Xiao Yinghuai chuckled leisurely. “Granted.” That very night, Song Jian was tied up on the imperial bed. Xiao Yinghuai gently hooked a finger around his sash and said in a low voice, “What a lovely waist you have, Lord Shadow Guard.” Song Jian: “???” - Song Jian: Can I stop being a shadow guard? Xiao Yinghuai: You can be empress instead. Theme: Only by studying with complete focus can one truly grasp the principles of righteousness.