The Underworld Dad Gets a Second Job

[Please don't bookmark this story. Thanks. I've had a really hard time getting my inspiration back, sigh :-(]

My name is Long, and everyone calls me A Long. I'm an orphan, so I don't have a surname. There used to be plenty of legends about me in the underworld, but that's all in the past. Now I'm a child's father.

--Well, the kid came and latched onto me all by himself.

To raise Ranpo, I infiltrated the neighborhood women's association and learned how to be a single dad from the members. For example, when doing housework, pay attention to the gaps between the tiles. When buying meat, don't let the shop's lighting fool you. The cheaper medicines are often on the bottom shelf at the pharmacy. The freshest expiration dates at the supermarket are usually tucked toward the back, and so on.

Come to think of it, I've been picking up kids more and more often lately. My finances are getting a little tight.

Ranpo suggested I write novels. Maybe readers would like to hear about my years as an enforcer for the yakuza? Tch, maybe not. Blood and violence could mess with young people's development, and if I forced myself to write it, I'd probably get reported immediately.

Dazai suggested I find a woman to support me. What's with this kid? He's so young and already coming up with terrible ideas. And he actually tried to demonstrate it himself! No, I need to straighten out his thinking, and no more skipping school!

Megumi suggested I open a noodle shop. I think that's a good idea. This kid is quiet, but he's a good boy. Your hair does look unusually spiky, but don't worry. There has to be a shampoo out there for you. Don't lose heart, Megumi.

Hiromitsu suggested I become a private tutor. Not a bad idea. It'd give me plenty of free time. And this kid can cook even at his age. He's got a perfect talent for cooking, and he'll definitely follow in my footsteps and become an excellent dad someday.

Mukuro suggested I use his illusions to get free food and lodging. It's a great idea, but your old man gave up that life years ago and has decided to be a law-abiding citizen. So you can't do that either, got it?

Gintoki suggested I learn to give up at the right time. He said if I ran out of money, I could pawn the other kids (especially Dazai and Mukuro) off on those weird uncles (Mori Ogai, Gojo Satoru, Reborn, and the others). Silly kid, what are you going to eat if I give up? And get that "stealing bamboo shoots" idea out of your head!

Sigh, raising kids is hard. But why am I suddenly getting "job offers" from all kinds of companies? Who's been secretly sending out my resume?!

Ranpo (modestly taking no credit): Hmph, that's why writing novels is still the easiest option.

Reader warnings:

1. The protagonist is A Long, from the anime The Way of the Househusband. Since this story has no romance, he has no wife and is a single dad here.

2. This doesn't follow the original plot. All the characters are mixed together, and the story is mainly slice of life (though the plot might grow as I write).

3. The blurb is in first person, but the story itself is in third person.

4. To be added. [Blurb to be revised.]

Note: A screenshot of this blurb was taken on 2023.3.10.

Theme: Start educating children while they're young.