Bai Shao Ma Hu Flies Fast

Baisao is an orphan from Nancheng who traveled thousands of miles to the capital. Not long after arriving, she got a job as a head chef in a brothel, bringing along a wok almost as tall as she was to take care of all the food there.

She hates it when people call her Baisao.

As luck would have it, before entering the brothel, she met a bald nun, a legendary figure who loved hanging upside down from trees to eat sweet potatoes. Her cackling laugh could carry for a mile.

Would you believe it? The nun was called Lyu. No, no, Baisao had read it wrong. The nun was called Mahu!

The people at the brothel named the two of them De Lyu.

But actually, De isn't De, and Lyu isn't Lyu.

Bonus scene:

"I'll pay you back, sob! A thousand taels is too much! I have to work three years to earn twenty taels, waah! My money, my money! Waaaah!"

Baisao sobbed so hard that snot and tears ran down her face. She rushed over and clung tightly to Gu Lanzhi's leg. "Please, be the bigger person. They say a prime minister can sail a boat in his belly! Waaaah!"

Gu Lanzhi's head throbbed from all the crying. "What's with all the wailing? Why are you wailing?! I was almost murdered, and I didn't wail!"

"I'm wailing over my tragic fate! Oh, my fate! My lord, you don't know, I was orphaned as a child, apprenticed to a master chef, and saved up enough money to come to the capital. Who knew my thickheaded friend Mahu would insist on eating sweet potatoes upside down in a tree and choke to death? I went to Xiangyun for help, but the medical bill was twenty taels. We had no choice but to work here without pay! Waaaah!"

Gu Lanzhi flew into a rage. "Let go of me! How dare you take liberties with this lord! I haven't married or had children yet! Haven't married or had children! You shameless woman!"

Renshi came through the door just in time to see this.

He went, "Wow," and Gu Lanzhi shouted angrily, "I didn't do anything! She was the one who insisted on grabbing me!"

"I'm furious! Is a woman's virtue the only thing that matters in this world? A man's virtue is precious too!"

Word had it that Lord Gu tried to abduct a woman by force at the Zuichun Brothel and failed. Afterward, Gu Lanzhi went around explaining himself to everyone.

But no one listened.

Eventually, Gu Lanzhi stopped trying to explain.

The truth was, he hadn't gone to the Zuichun Brothel that day to hire a girl. He just wanted to know how Baisao managed to sit on Mahu's head and spin around! He was simply curious, not lecherous!

The title is adapted from the line, "The horse gallops like Lu, swift as the wind."

P.S. This is an abstract work I started on a whim. I basically wrote whatever came to mind, with no logic, purely for my own amusement. If any readers find it outrageous, the author is still working on the manuscript for The Arcane Canon, and really can't spare the time to revise this. Please forgive me.

Theme: It is shameful not to question a life that seems suspicious