Please Raise Your Kids the Normal Way

As an evil god from the Cthulhu Mythos, you’re lonely and want to raise some kids. In your humanoid form, you have a beautiful face, vacant eyes, thick, soft red tentacles, and sticky breath. You think you’re absolutely perfect, and a total romantic. How could any human not like you? So you kidnapped the System and began your life as a parent. The first child you raised was a little boy with a scar at the corner of his mouth. He was extremely rebellious. You mended his old mother, made him special black-and-green delicacies, and even built him an octopus pet whose body could split in half. You worked so hard, sob. But he didn’t understand how hard you tried. Beneath his gentle, quiet exterior lay indifference, scorn, and defiance. He had never belonged to you. Heartbroken, you left him after he came of age. The second child you raised was both arrogant and beautiful, with dazzling ice-blue eyes like a flowing glacier. He was at his most beautiful when blood dried on his lashes after a battle. After you finally got close to him, he was even willing to let you tame him. Then, at seventeen, he tried to exorcise you, and you went your separate ways. The third child you raised had four eyes and four arms, and was a born bad seed. When other people's children did something wrong, they would say, "QAQ I'm sorry, I was wrong. I shouldn't have done that..." When he did something wrong, he would narrow his blood-red eyes at you in defiance and ask, "What now? Should I kill him too?" Oh no, your blood pressure was going through the roof. You two were completely incompatible. You got on each other's nerves, and then you went at it, battling wits and strength in a spectacular showdown until you both ended up badly hurt. You wondered: Damn it! What had you done wrong? You only wanted to raise kids. You went on strike, utterly disheartened, but once they were all grown up, they showed up in front of you. The Heavenly-and-Earthly Restriction Tyrant, feared by all, said, "Don't leave me. I'm an idiot." He lowered his head to hide the bone-deep madness in his emerald-green eyes. The world's strongest white-haired man said, "Why won't you ever let your guard down?" But his hand clung desperately to the hem of your clothes. The King of Curses tried to keep you captive. Sitting on a throne piled high with bones and blood, he wore a complicated expression. "You woman, the more I look at you, the more I can't stand you..." [Excerpt 1] When Toji was young, he was constantly bullied. Then one day, a "monster" appeared. The "monster" took the place of his family, wearing her face and tenderly calling him little Toji. It was terrifying enough to make his skin crawl. Toji lowered his eyes and played a tacit game with the monster. But the monster cooked for him, stayed by his side as he fell asleep, and led him away from the nightmare that was the Zenin family. She took such good care of him that he began to genuinely look forward to tomorrow. He should have been living in fear, so why couldn't he understand how his life had become better than before? [Before You Read] 1. An evil god raises kids. OOC, lots of headcanons, cozy and healing [demonic whisper], absolutely pure romance. The main story is in third person. 2. The kids are raised one at a time, with some overlap in the timeline. 3. Two-bowl Plain Noodles isn't a child. He was an adult who turned into a child's body and was picked up by the heroine. 4. There is a romance plot. [Completed Older Works] "I Was Bound to Toji After Losing My Memory": A twisted romance with Toji, where two negatives make a positive. "A Collection of Love Stories": A collection of JoJo romance stories. "After Failing to Win Over the Strongest": A comedic story about the strongest white-haired man and a down-on-her-luck little elf rekindling their relationship. [Check Out My Next Book: "The Veteran of the Transmigrated Hero Is Actually the Demon King!!"] In the Nth year after the world was destroyed and reborn, you awaken amid the chaos. As a god, you once destroyed the old world. You still don't like this world, and you're determined to reclaim your power and destroy it a second time. Before that, you meet a very interesting pen pal. You've never met in person, and he's found the Book of God, a manifestation of your power. You communicate through the book. He tells you, "If the number is odd, the remainder changes; if it's even, it doesn't!" You reply, "Look at the quadrant for the sign." He says, "Palace Jade Dew wine!" You reply, "One hundred and eighty a cup." You only reply that way out of habit. You've almost forgotten why those answers come naturally to you, but he gets incredibly excited, like a mad cultist who's just successfully exchanged a secret code. He says, "(roars) (turns into a monkey and crashes into a tree) (swings healthily on a vine) (squeals loudly) (flies healthily) (cries hysterically) (healthily crashes into a passerby) (beats chest and roars excitedly) (kicks over a roadside trash can) (eyes welling with tears) I've finally found you, senior!!!" You: "..." Don't scribble all over the book!!!! You think he's a little bizarre. Gradually, you come to find him warm and entertaining. You start to want to meet him. You pretend to be a follower of the enemy and sneak into the ragtag band of old, weak, and infirm (crossed out) people he's gathered to defeat you. The moment you meet, you realize he's hit all your buttons! Blond hair, raised brows, charming eyes, tall, broad shoulders, and a perfect waist. "A busty, affectionate puppy-boy who acts like a mom is the best!" you think solemnly. You try to psyche yourself up. Someday, you'll work up the courage to reveal who you are and greet your pen pal in person! Well... it seems he doesn't like you very much when you're in your Demon God form. You: I need to figure out how to destroy the world and make him my follower at the same time. * You've been fooled. The affectionate puppy isn't just an affectionate puppy. He has an extremely contrasting personality, a dark and harrowing past, and unpredictable ways. That sweet puppy who used to call you "senior" and ask, "Why are you like this?" is gone for good! You become convinced he's a bad puppy. And by then, the two of you have formed an inescapable bond through loving and fighting each other. You lie in the hero's strong arms with tears in your eyes and eat three extra bowls of food. * CP: A former temple knight, now a novice hero. A blond, energetic, busty puppy at first glance, but in reality a knightly transmigrator with an extremely contrasting personality X A frail, beautiful Demon King, delicate in appearance and just as beautiful in the head, who's utterly mad. Theme: Everyone should love one another.