I Came Out of the Mountains Carrying a Pig

[Writing full-time is hard. Please, dear readers, don't read pirated copies. I'm begging you. My new novel, One Egg in the Whole Immortal Realm, is now out. Please add it to your reading list.]

Blurb:

Zhang Cuihua of Qingyou Village was an old maid. She was tall and burly, with a sturdy build, and was eight parts stronger than a grown man.

Other people could only catch a pheasant when they went up the mountain. On her very first trip, she caught a half-grown wild boar. When she came out of the mountains carrying it on her back, everyone's eyes nearly popped out.

"Goodness, that'd be enough for several meals..."

On her second trip into the mountains, she found an injured man beneath a cliff. He was handsome, and Zhang Cuihua carried him home with ease and nursed him for several days. She really did manage to save his life.

The man she rescued was Ye Beichen, a prince of the Prince of Beiliang's household and a rising star at court. When he asked Cuihua if there was anything she wanted, Zhang Cuihua replied shyly, "I can't find a husband. Would you marry me?"

"All right."

Marriage was a major matter, so when the bride price came up, Old Zhang held up five fingers.

Ye Beichen: "Five hundred?"

Old Zhang shrank his neck and scolded him. "Bah! Five hundred copper coins won't do. I mean five taels, five taels of silver."

Ye Beichen: "..." Don't say another word. I'll give you five hundred taels.

After their child was born, Cuihua insisted that humble names helped children thrive, and she absolutely had to name the child Goudan. The prince and the old princess objected, so she called him Goudan, Goudan every day...

As a result, whenever people later asked the child, "What's your name?"

He would answer, "Ye Goudan."

Cuihua entered the prince's household and gave birth to his eldest son. The princess hated her enough to grind her teeth and made all kinds of trouble for her, but Zhang Cuihua was hardly the type to let people bully her. She argued with the prince outside the manor and fought with the princess inside, and every time the prince caught her in the act.

Cuihua angrily packed her things. "Goudan, your dad's a scoundrel. I'm taking you back to my parents' house."

Goudan: "Okay."

After she left, the princess became pregnant. Ye Beichen never went looking for her, until assassins came, the princess miscarried, and the prince was poisoned. Both of them lost the ability to have children.

Only then did they remember the child Zhang Cuihua had given birth to...

After her child was taken from her, Zhang Cuihua disguised herself as a man and joined the army, climbing the ranks step by step... until three years later, a woman general came to the door.

"Ye Old Dog, I'm here to take my child back."

Reader's note: The female lead will remarry. Sixth Prince Wei Jingyi is the male lead, and he is devoted.

My other ongoing novel, I Transmigrated to Ancient Times to Take the Imperial Exams and Farm, is nearly a million words long.

Blurb: After transmigrating, Zhao Ping'an became his older sister's little burden.

Everyone in Hexi County knew the Jiang family had brought a child bride into their household. She had brought nearly ten thousand taels of family wealth, as well as a baby brother who hadn't yet turned one.

Zhao Ping'an truly felt that the bad-luck fate he'd had in his previous life had caught up with him again. Otherwise, how could you explain that other people who transmigrated either became nobles or went to another world to fight monsters and cultivate immortality, while he could only be a wailing baby...

Since he was here, fine, he'd accept it.

But he still had to go to school, didn't he? He had to study and take the imperial exams, didn't he? He had to earn a diploma, didn't he? So why did everyone else get to marry a rich beauty and reach the peak of life, while he had to read, study, and memorize books every day?

Zhao Ping'an slammed the table in protest. "Are you exploiting a bug with me? Where's my golden finger? This is unfair!"

Heaven: "Get lost! You transmigrated, and now you're asking me for a golden finger? Have some shame!"

Zhao Ping'an: "..."

Sigh! The imperial exams are harder than climbing to the heavens. When one person works hard, the score goes up. When a group works hard, the cutoff score goes up...

Zhao Pingyue discovered that her little brother's head was full of clever schemes. First, before he was even one, he started listening in on lessons given by the tutor the family had hired. Then, at four or five, he started school. He was the biggest troublemaker at the academy, and also the best student.

When someone at the academy bullied him for having no parents, his ten-year-old brother-in-law clenched his fists and said fiercely, "I'll teach them a lesson for you."

Zhao Ping'an smiled kindly. "No need. I'll handle it myself."

That day, every student in the class got their palms smacked.

He was unexpectedly chosen as a teaching assistant at the Imperial College. When the student who lost started crying in front of everyone, Zhao Ping'an felt he had to say something to comfort him, for the sake of appearances.

"Classmate, if something's wrong, you can talk to me. I'm the teaching assistant, and I'll do my best to help."

Everyone: "..." What a way to twist the knife!

Upcoming novel 1: One Egg in the Whole Immortal Realm

Pei Wensi of the Heavenly Realm went to the Yihuo Realm. When he returned, someone diagnosed him as pregnant.

Pei Wensi, hearing the news, was speechless with anger. "I am a male immortal, for crying out loud!"

Male pregnancy was a rare sight in the world. On the day the child was born, the entire immortal realm arrived with congratulatory gifts, and also asked whether he'd given birth to a boy immortal or a girl immortal.

"It's not an immortal child."

"Then what did you give birth to?"

Pei Wensi gave them an inscrutable look, then pulled a round, gleaming golden immortal egg from his robes.

"You might not believe it, but this time... I laid an egg."

The immortals: "???"

They had reason to suspect that Star Lord Wensi had some sort of improper relationship with a certain mythical beast.

Feng Wu was the only phoenix in all the heavens and earth, and would live as long as Heaven itself.

Four thousand years ago, she entered the Nirvana phase and became an egg, absorbing the source energy of the Yihuo Realm as she quietly awaited rebirth in flames. But when she finally broke out of her shell, she poked her head out and came face-to-face with a beautiful countenance.

Pei Wensi: "Sweetheart! I'm your dad."

Feng Wu: "???"

"I'm your ancestor."

When Feng Wu chased Pei Wensi through the Heavenly Realm with a forty-meter-long blade, he remained true to his original intention.

"No matter what you say, I'm your dad."

Feng Wu's face darkened. She held a blade in one hand and unleashed a powerful move with the other.

"One of us is dying today."

A few notes:

1. The setting is xianxia. The logic is fine; you'll understand once you read it.

2. There aren't really any upsetting plot points or tragic moments. Both leads are devoted to each other.

Upcoming novel 2: I Incubate Eggs for the Baldies at Leiyin Temple. Please add it to your reading list.

Blurb:

Rumor had it that a Buddhist egg had been kept at Great Leiyin Temple for many years.

This egg was originally a relic left behind when the previous Buddha passed away. After years of prayers and Buddhist chants in the temple, it finally gained a spirit.

Everyone said that the egg contained the next Buddha's heir.

And the Buddha's heir would become the next Buddha.

Great Leiyin Temple had devoted all its efforts to this egg, but even after millions of years, there had still been no sign that it would hatch.

Then one day, when Song Shushu passed by Spirit Mountain, the egg... moved.

What could they do?

Call in an outside expert.

Song Shushu was summoned to hatch the Buddhist egg, and immediately demanded a higher price. "I'm a divine official in the Heavenly Realm, after all. I have my pride. If you want me to hatch a Buddhist egg... it'll cost extra."

The Buddhas and arhats: "???"

Could someone get struck by lightning and take this one out?

She even plucked the baldies' hair. Absolutely outrageous.

But she was their last hope, so they had no choice but to agree.

During Song Shushu's years at Great Leiyin Temple, she enjoyed fine wine and food, ate spirit fruit and drank ambrosia all day, and occasionally flirted with the monks, turning the whole temple upside down. Quite a few monks clamored to renounce their vows.

The Buddhas panicked.

Get her out of here. They absolutely had to get her out of here.

And just as Song Shushu was driven out of Great Leiyin Temple and, furious, prepared to put the Buddhist egg in a pot over a fire...

The Buddhist egg... cracked.

And it wasn't just the egg that cracked. The hearts of all the baldies at Great Leiyin Temple shattered too.

On the day the Buddha's heir left the temple, all 108 arhats of Great Leiyin Temple came pouring out.

"Buddha's heir, are you choosing us or her?"

Lu Jinyu followed behind Song Shushu without looking back, tossing out just two hurried words.

"Sorry!"

From beginning to end, she was the only one he wanted.

P.S. There aren't any major upsetting plot points. I'll write it and see how it goes.

Devoted couple, mutual pampering, lots of laughs.

Theme: Knowing without acting is simply not knowing.