A Sword Cultivator’s Guide to Behavior [Wuxia Crossover]

Word on the jianghu is that top-tier sword cultivators are even more terrifying than straight men. They are noble and aloof, cold and merciless, and often use their own secret sword-cultivator jargon to communicate. Worse still, their worldview rarely connects with that of ordinary people, so they never fit in with the love and hate of the common folk. To honor their uniqueness, everyone affectionately calls them... Damn sword cultivators. 1 The Sword Cultivator's Code Rule One: Women slow your sword down. Rule Two: Don't get close to men, or you'll have bad luck. Rule Three: Sword cultivators have no gender. "So I just have to follow these rules to become a top-tier sword cultivator?" "No. There's one more rule, the most important one: you have to be shameless enough." 2 According to The Jianghu Record, written by Prime Minister Gu of Dayu, Dayu's jianghu has three dogs: Gu Jun, A Cheng, and Chuixue. Chuixue lives by the West Gate, A Cheng lives by the sea, and Gu Jun roams the world. "Wait, I know Chuixue and A Cheng, but who's Gu Jun?" "Gu Jun, the doggiest of them all: the Dog Emperor!" Gu Jun, who really is the emperor: … A Cheng, who sees his friend in the imperial study while plotting a rebellion: … Chuixue, who comes to save the emperor only to see his friend: … Remembering how sincere Gu Jun had been as a boy, encouraging him to avenge his family once he grew up, A Cheng falls silent for a long while, then lets out six speechless periods. A Cheng: I might not be human, but Gu Jun, you really are a dog. Chuixue: ...I don't live by the West Gate. The three characters from Jian Wang 3 are hiding in every corner of the story. Have fun spotting them. Many original characters and settings. All OOC is mine. The source material is mainly Gu Long's Lu Xiaofeng series and Wen Rui'an's Four Great Constables series, specifically The Four, along with heavily modified elements from Huang Yi's Twin of Brothers, Jin Yong's The Smiling, Proud Wanderer, and Gu Long's Chu Liuxiang series. Important: You don't need to have read the originals to enjoy this story. The cover is by the artist Pei Zhen. The characters are original. The color scheme is because Brother Jun is the Crown Prince (he's a sword cultivator from Chunyang Palace). Important warnings: This novel has no main CP. Gu Jun: A single dog of a thousand years Side CPs in this novel: 1. Danmei: Ye Xi from the Lu Xiaofeng world 2. Romance: Gu Tan Hua x Miss Fu from Old Wen's Four Great Constables world Brother Jun is the shizun (see the related novel, Daily Life of a Man Born to Cultivate Immortality). Brother Jun will have a partner a few thousand years from now, but in this novel's timeline, that partner hasn't been born yet. Hahahahahaha! Here's my merciless laughter. This is one of the story's central gags. Brother Jun really is a Long Aotian, a Long Aotian. Important things must be said three times: Long Aotian. The blurb was saved as a screenshot (2020-12-26). Upcoming novel: Secret Guard Diaries That's right, the secret guards you're thinking of: the everyday antics of the secret guards, whose timeline runs parallel to Damn Sword Cultivators. Featuring Secret Guards A, B, C, and D, the innocent cousin Tang Tianyi, and the dogs A Jun and Chengmen Chuixue. It's basically a Damn Sword Cultivators side story. Blurb: 1. The Cold Crown Prince and His Pretty Secret Guard: A cool secret guard and a baby Crown Prince causing chaos together As a secret guard raised in the camp from childhood, B has always been cold and heartless, loyal and ruthless. He has completed countless missions at a tender age and is a born killer, destined to become the new emperor's most trusted and sharpest blade. B thinks so too, until one day he meets his master... A three-month-old baby, the future emperor and the current Crown Prince. Looking at the Crown Prince, dressed in a cat onesie and dangling from Empress's chest, the cold and heartless B falls into deep thought... "So, A, what are we here to do?" "Isn't it obvious, B? Help Her Majesty raise the baby." 2. The Ambitious Hanlin Scholar and His Pretty Secretary: A and his secretary father, in a tale of filial love A is a secret guard born in a remote village. Because of his exceptional talents, the secret guard commander bought him from a human trafficker when he was young. He is loyal, vicious, cunning, and thoughtful. He is the new emperor's most dependable smiling tiger. The old emperor is aging, and the Crown Prince's influence is growing. When the great future emperor, the current Crown Prince, leaves on a journey to see the world alone, Secret Guard A disguises himself as a Hanlin Academy scholar to help His Highness govern, drafting edicts and delivering secret messages. From Grand Academician of the Hanlin Academy to Chief Hanlin Secretary, from an obscure nobody to a powerful official, he has always had a diligent secretary by his side... An ordinary Hanlin Academy scholar from a middling family of scholars, a middle-aged man who seems unremarkable but works diligently. The kind of dedicated middle-aged man who occasionally curses his dog of a boss behind his back. A always thinks so, until one day... A message arrives from an informant in his hometown. The identity he kept on file as a precaution has caught up with him: his biological parents have sent someone to find him. It turns out that young Secret Guard A wasn't born into poverty. He was a young master from a wealthy family, switched at birth by mistake. His family lives in the capital, and their surname is Chen. His biological father has now risen to a high position: Grand Academician of the Hanlin Academy and Chief Secretary. Secret Guard A, who is secretly the Chief Secretary's son: ... A looks expressionlessly at the hapless secretary beside him, working overtime while quietly cursing him. So it was you all along. The hapless secretary dad, who thought he was about to face a melodramatic tale of the real and fake young masters: ... I'm sorry, boss. You're the one who's my dad. 3. The Cold-Blooded Tang Clan and the Sweet White Healer: The tangled love and hate between the poison-doctor king, Secret Guard D, and the hapless young master of the Tang family, blessed with a perfect textbook constitution. 4. To be continued... Upcoming novels in the Damn Sword Cultivators universe: 1. Secret Guard Diaries (the guards' chaotic everyday lives) 2. An Illustrated Guide to Sword Cultivator Behavior: Cultivation Edition 3. The Elders' Chaotic Antics (the story of the parents' generation; title undecided) Theme: Stay grounded and never forget your original aspirations.