My Abstinent Imperial Uncle

Jing Xuan was the youngest and most beautiful emperor in the history of the Dayan Dynasty. His father had died early, leaving behind only an uncle by marriage, Gu Fang, who was eight years his senior and ruled as regent. Gu Fang was a peerless talent, skilled in both letters and arms, and powerful enough to dominate the court. Yet he had neither wife nor concubine. Everyone said he was free of worldly desires and lived only for the realm. But Jing Xuan dreamed that his uncle would one day seize power, usurp the throne, drug him with an aphrodisiac, dress him in women's clothes, and take him over and over. Jing Xuan's dreams always came true. So Jing Xuan gritted his teeth and vowed that he would make Gu Fang permanently impotent. Otherwise, he would die without heirs and never take a wife! Then that very night, his love curse flared up right in front of Gu Fang, leaving him weak and pliant, consumed by desire. Jing Xuan: "..." Damn it! But as a resolute, iron-boned emperor, Jing Xuan was determined: even if Gu Fang was his only cure, even if they had to make love together every month, even if being more than a hundred li away from Gu Fang would make him suffer as though a thousand worms were gnawing at his bones, he would never let Gu Fang lay a finger on him! Gu Fang could only coax him softly: "If Your Majesty lets me serve you once, I'll return one Tiger Tally. If Your Majesty lets me serve you twice, I'll return two seals. If Your Majesty lets me serve you three times, I'll stop interfering with your meals." The little emperor, who had nothing but his beauty: "..." He'd endure it for his country! But after Gu Fang had served him again and again, and he had sacrificed himself for the country time after time, Gu Fang still insisted on controlling every aspect of his life. At last, Jing Xuan could take no more and exploded in bed: "Gu Fang, you never marry or have children. All you do is disrespect and humiliate me. You're clearly a treacherous rebel, coveting the throne!" His uncle, who had always been the very picture of a gentleman, lounged lazily against the bed and toyed with the emperor's hair. In an unhurried voice, he said, "When did I ever say I coveted the throne? I covet the emperor, and want to ask him to make me his empress." The emperor, who had always believed he was selling his beauty for the sake of his country: "...?" Where was the uncle who was supposedly free of worldly desires, powerful enough to dominate the court, and bent on usurping the throne?! [The recipient is a beautiful, hot-tempered emperor pretending to be a wastrel; the aggressor is his uncle, a shameless dog pretending to be a gentleman. Older man, sweet and silly, childhood companion who raised him, and the aggressor is utterly devoted.] -- [Please follow my upcoming story, Don't Pretend With Me] -- Yu Shu is the hottest up-and-coming actor in period dramas. With his alluring features, world-weary aura, fair skin, slender waist, and delicate beauty, fans have dubbed him the top dream boy in period dramas. In countless fan edits, he's been ravished until dawn and given birth to eight children. And Zhou Huaixu is the father of those eight children in every one of those videos. Cold and sharp, with an abstinent air, rich and handsome, tall and broad-shouldered, he practically radiates, "I'm aloof, tough, and not to be messed with." The two have never gotten along. For one thing, they're both afraid of being attracted to men, and for another, they've been paired together by fans. Zhou Huaixu even once coldly threatened Yu Shu: "I'd rather stay single my entire life than ever have an ambiguous relationship with a man." Then that very afternoon, he was gravely injured while protecting Yu Shu and fell into a coma. When he woke up, his first words were full of affection: "My beloved consort, I have missed you for a thousand years. Why don't you attend me tonight?" Yu "Beloved Consort" Shu: "..." He calmly called the police. · After numerous checks proved that Zhou Huaixu really was just out of his mind, Yu Shu had no choice but to take him home, out of basic human decency. Yu Shu took a shower, and Zhou Huaixu wanted to join him. Yu Shu went to sleep, and Zhou Huaixu wanted to join him. Yu Shu took medicine for his stomach, and Zhou Huaixu wanted to join him too. Yu Shu finally snapped: "Zhou Huaixu, I'm retching because my gastritis is acting up, not because I'm pregnant!" Then that very night, Zhou Huaixu posted a picture of a tortoise on Weibo: [A joyous day for all! The crown prince is born! @Yu Shu, child's father, thanks for your hard work.] Yu Shu: ) He didn't know if the whole internet had exploded, but he certainly had. But since Zhou Huaixu had saved his life, Yu Shu could only put up with him. If he wanted to shower together, they'd shower together. If he wanted to sleep together, they'd sleep together. If he wanted to have a child together, Yu Shu would pretend to give birth. Until one day, he came home early and saw the tyrant Zhou, who was supposed to be lovesick with longing, playing with his pet tortoise while lazily saying into the phone, "Don't worry, I'm all better. I was only pretending to win Yu Shu over." At last, Yu Shu smiled, finally at peace. Down with every last remnant of feudalism! [A beautiful, frail, world-weary man whose every word is venomous; a handsome, rich, devoted husband whose head is full of water.] A completely unrestrained, pure nonsense comedy. Life is hard, so come have a laugh. Theme: Be a good emperor.