[Western Crossover] It Wasn't Me

Mu Ke has a hard-to-define job. "High pay, lifelong job security," said the Underworld Judge who recruited him. So he went solo on the North American continent for nearly two hundred years. "Soul Reaper for Foreign Territories" was the title given to him in a contract signed between the Underworld's Foreign Affairs Department, Field Operations Division, and the government across the Pacific. But since the start of the new millennium, this isn't the first time he's been invited to the FBI for a chat. If his old buddies from the Eighteenth Level of Hell found out, would he have any face left? Skits: 1. Mu Ke wiped the holy water from his hair. The two exorcists: You're not a demon???!!! 2. J: Find everything on him: all his movements, call records, and credit card transactions. Tech: He gets two regular deposits into his credit card account every month. One comes from a registered company, and the other comes from... the FBI. J: What the f##k???!!! 3. Teacup: I keep hallucinating. Hobbs is always around me. Mu Ke: I see him too. Right behind you. (Mu Ke, who can see spirits, remains as calm as a chicken.) Teacup: ???!!! (Suddenly feeling a kinship.) I've seen a few Hannibal stories on JJ, but why has nobody written about Teacup? Teacup is so delicious. Same universe as the story next door, Thunderous Chaos. Completed stories: [Western Crossover: That Snake] and Thunderous Chaos. Feel free to visit my author page. Original story: [Matched to a General, A Turns into a Big Cat!] Lu Yao, the Alliance's first Omega-class mecha chief engineer, is exceptionally talented, cold, and proud. Because his genetic compatibility with Zhou Yunchen, the Alliance's Alpha five-star general, is a staggering 95 percent, the Central AI forcibly matched them for marriage. People couldn't help feeling sorry for him. Even an Omega as outstanding as Lu Yao couldn't escape being bound by his genes. What did a pretty face matter? With his talent and arrogance, he'd never appeal to an Alpha, especially not to his match, the cold and ruthless general. Sure enough, over the three years of their marriage, the general spent most of his time away at war and rarely came home. In the few photos that made it out, the two stood three meters apart, practically wearing their lack of familiarity on their faces. Everyone lamented once more. What a waste of excellent genes. - A matched marriage is compulsory for three years. Lu Yao had already prepared the divorce papers, waiting only for the time to come and for Zhou Yunchen to sign. As the public had said, Zhou Yunchen was cold as iron and utterly unmoved. Two people with nothing to say to each other could never develop feelings. As soon as the three years were up, Lu Yao boarded Zhou Yunchen's flagship, ready to hand over the divorce papers. But the general's adjutant kept hemming and hawing, refusing to say where Zhou Yunchen was. Suddenly, a huge, fluffy snow leopard burst out, knocked Lu Yao to the ground, and rubbed all over him. They said it was the big cat the general had brought home. The adjutant looked at the snow leopard clinging to Lu Yao, his expression peculiar. He produced the divorce papers Zhou Yunchen had already signed. "Do you still want a divorce?" Lu Yao absently stroked the big cat's fur. "...Yes. For the division of assets, I'll take the snow leopard." Men are no fun, but who doesn't love a fluffy big cat? - Zhou Yunchen had a secret: he'd been in love with Lu Yao for twenty years, ever since military academy. The day he received the notice that they had been forcibly matched, his hand shook and he blasted a beast straight into a red giant. But throughout their three years of marriage, he'd treated Lu Yao with perfect courtesy. They'd never touched for more than three seconds or talked for more than five minutes. The cat could sleep beside Lu Yao's pillow. He couldn't. One day, a higher civilization in the universe heard Zhou Yunchen's wish and turned the general into a snow leopard. When Zhou Yunchen became a big cat and saw Lu Yao, he instinctively did something he'd never dared to imagine doing before: Knock Lu Yao down and rub all over him. - An aloof, seemingly untouchable beauty who is actually a soft-hearted cat fanatic and tech geek bottom x a cold-looking, secretly lovesick general top, forcibly matched to the man he's had a crush on for twenty years, yet unable to even hold his hand after three years of marriage. Theme: Work hard and take your job seriously