Even We Don't Know the Palace Master's Name

[An irreverent, slapstick cultivation novel, full of jokes and snark about the usual tropes in existing cultivation stories, and deliberately brushing up against popular memes for laughs. Looking back now, it may have been a failed attempt. In any case, this story is purely for comedy, so please enjoy it and don't be a killjoy. The setting and some of the jokes, such as the immortal-demon romance and the idea that after transmigrating you turn out to be yourself after all, are all genuinely common melodramatic tropes. The main locations in the story, Yunzhou and Yunmeng, both take their names from the “clouds steaming over Yunmeng Marsh” in the phrase “clouds steaming over Yunmeng Marsh.” Other settings that clearly reference something or are obvious jokes are listed in the blurb. I know this story is long-winded, so here's a heads-up: the first revelation of the gong's identity is in Chapters 20 and 21, and the shou's identity is revealed in Chapter 27. If you can't wait, you can read those chapters first. But that's only part of it. If you're interested, feel free to keep reading for more layers of identity peeled away. The final answer is quite different from the first layer, alas... CP: A beautiful, gentle (only toward his master), scheming, loyal puppy of a demon-cultivator disciple gong X a Dao-cultivator master shou with a bizarre identity, a human-shaped, self-propelled weapon [Blurb] Ever since the Palace Master transmigrated into the cultivation world and picked up a rather unfortunate disciple, he has been looking forward to the disciple becoming the dark-hearted, feral wolf cub from all those popular tropes. But after going through so much, how is the disciple still so psychologically healthy? The Palace Master sighs helplessly: My good disciple, when are you going to become a great villain? I was even prepared to sacrifice my own (body) to comfort you. The disciple: No, I won't. Good-behaved.jpg ...Then he takes another look at himself. His cultivation is high, he lives alone on a mountaintop within a sect where nobody knows him, and he has no choice but to take on a low-level disciple to run errands. Suddenly, it feels like the two of them are surrounded by all kinds of grand conspiracies. How exciting! But the problem is... who am I, and what is my name? [Everyone looks utterly bewildered] ...Wasn't transmigration supposed to follow some basic rules? The novels I read in my previous life led me astray! On top of that, the way he transmigrated was bizarre, his System is as erratic as the Jinjiang servers, and, most importantly, there are always clueless people trying to bully his disciple... So he draws his blade in a rage. Step aside, my disciple! I'll be the villain myself! The disciple: Ah! Master, please calm down. I'll kill whoever needs killing, just put down the blade! Besides, your disciple will gladly sacrifice himself (his body) to comfort you! The blade: Damn it, can somebody pay attention to me? I don't want to watch them feed each other dog food anymore! The Palace Master asked me to let everyone know: This story will go VIP on October 13, with three chapters released that day. Thank you all, fellow cultivators, for your support! A piracy-protection feature is enabled, with a 50% ratio. Mwah! And a special note: This is a master-disciple story with an older master and younger disciple. The disciple is a demon (drama queen) cultivator. There are lots of stories of this type on Jinjiang, and disciples turning demonic is practically standard by now. So you could say my tropes are stale (I just love stale and melodramatic tropes, sob), but please don't deliberately be a killjoy! The immortal-demon romance is an old trope. The idea that you think you've transmigrated into some great master, only to discover in the end that it's actually your original self or your own past life, has appeared in plenty of Jinjiang stories too. I knew this trope was melodramatic when I wrote it, so I'm saying so here in advance. [Reading Guide]: 1. The author is a trustworthy producer of super-sweet dog food, so sticky it could glue your teeth together! The gong and shou dote on each other and shower each other with affection. This should count as a feel-good, sweet romance. Please remember every single word in the first sentence of the blurb describing the gong and shou! 2. Apart from the typical elements, the worldview and cultivation setting include many original additions, and even the levels are definitely different, so please don't compare this with stories of the same genre. Mwah! Some of the jokes about cultivation in the story, such as “you can't just turn into a spirit after the founding of the country,” come from popular Weibo posts. Since many people have said them, it's hard to trace the original source, so please forgive me. Also, somewhat embarrassingly, cultivation in this story doesn't take place in traditional sects. It's more like attending classes at an academy. The inspiration was... Harry Potter's wizarding school [covers face]. Why should the Western Wizarding World have schools while the East can't? So the demerits, disciplinary records, and everything else are all modeled on Hogwarts, alas. The class divisions, group exams, advancement, and elimination are inspired by Feng Ge's The Eight Non-Sects Academy in Zhen Dan. That masterpiece was abandoned mid-story, which has been a lasting regret of my youth... This is a sort of tribute. The idea for flying immortal ships came from the flying mechanism ships in Gu Jian II. Although this kind of setting already exists in Chinese mythology, written descriptions aren't as vivid as the images in a game, hahaha. The television invented in the cultivation world also takes some inspiration from Feng Ge's Zhen Dan and the cultivation technology in the famous Infinite Horror series, but both have been substantially reworked. The Ten Continents and Three Islands place names come from Chinese Daoist legends. As for the customs and local color, I once tried to imitate the Eastern fantasy series Nine Provinces, created by Jiang Nan, but I think I may have failed... Please keep an eye out for the author's notes for anything else. Thank you! 3. The author has a compulsion to post on the hour, so all updates are scheduled in advance. The regular posting time is 9:00 PM, occasionally noon, with daily updates. I'll post a notice if I take a break. If nothing has updated by the scheduled time, keep hitting refresh. If an update notice appears at other times, it means a certain obsessive-compulsive author is fixing typos. If you encounter a server bug, silently rage at Jinjiang in your heart and forgive it. 4. Special thanks to my friend Huari Tian from the reader group for suggestions on revising the censored version of the blurb! Theme: