Soul Witch

I have nothing to do these days, so I wrote what I could write first. I want to say that the title is getting longer and longer. Are you really a man... First of all, I want to say that I am not a person who praises others very much, so I may have more opinions. The concept of this article is quite novel. It mainly talks about a girl who slowly becomes stronger and eventually dominates in a different world with the purpose of looking for her younger brother. The main novelty is the world view, which I don't need to say more. After reading the whole article, I found a flaw. Just like another editor said, your overall rhythm is too fast. The first chapter is only 5,000 words. The amount of information it contains is that the protagonist appears, kills people, travels through time, is separated from his brother, becomes a disciple, introduces the world view, the senior sisters and junior brothers appear, learn skills, and then the second chapter goes to the palace. The entire first chapter is like a running account to be honest. You don't have to rush like this. It's like you only wrote two or three lines of words during time travel. If you don't read carefully, you can easily miss it. You can obviously write a few more lines to make people have an impression of this way of time travel. The plot of fighting monsters at the beginning is also the same. From meeting the monster, finding the ax, fighting the monster, and finally killing the monster, it was solved in just one paragraph. The heroine has just come to this world, and it is impossible to be so calm. Such a solution is too light an understatement. Looking at the introduction to the world view later, this paragraph is nonsense in reality. Can the heroine admit this world view after only killing one monster? Demon King Shalu was a complete stranger to her. He just lent her a pair of axes. She believed him so easily and agreed to be his disciple? Even if the heroine has a calm and reserved personality, she must at least be suspicious. It is true that some plots in the first chapter are not important, but that does not mean that the whole story can be told in detail. I think that the first chapter should focus on describing the heroine's character and how she will respond to various emergencies. I don't seem to have seen these. The heroine seems to be not surprised by anything that happens, nor does she doubt others, nor does she have too many emotions. Having said that, I want to talk about another flaw, which is also the deepest feeling that the whole article gave me: although the article is called Soul Witch, this witch has no soul. The so-called protagonist is the central idea of ​​a work. Yagami Yue is very rational, and the Death Note is the tone of reasoning. Sakata Gintoki is usually irresponsible and never lets up at critical moments. Gintama has a funny and passionate style. Kuronuma Souko is shy and reserved. She really wants to tell you that she is jokingly called "I want to kill you." Every successful work has a protagonist with a distinctive personality. From this article, I did not see the soul of the protagonist. As the protagonist, Ling Xiaojun's appearance is only as stunning as the beginning, and she only wears a black skirt and black shoes, but her personality can be said to be that of the love interest at the beginning, polite, calm, friendly and easy-going, with a slumped face, but she can also laugh and occasionally sing. There are too few descriptions of Ling Xiaojun's expression and psychology. From the above information, I can't tell what kind of person she is. It is unrepresentative. Rather than saying that she doesn't change her expression when she encounters anything, it is better to say that the author doesn't give her an expression when encountering anything. And she has a lot of roles and talks a lot, but in the eyes of others, she really has no idea about the image of this heroine. "Is it appropriate for her to say this?" "Aren't you surprised to see this scene?" Such thoughts often arise when reading articles. Sometimes I feel that the author simply doesn't regard her as the protagonist. Even Princess Furong has more personality than her. As for the writing style, I said before that the whole article is a bit more ancient. Although it contains a lot of modern and Western things about Guangzhou, space, tarot, poker, heaven, and hell, most of the plots develop in the palace, including the world view of the demon world, fairy world, and human world, which are not suitable for modern style. This kind of mixture of ancient, modern, Western and Eastern things is really subtle. Watching Ling Xiaojun and Cao Pi discuss the issue of oxygen in space, I felt completely Spartan... Maybe the author prefers this style, but to be honest, you really can't control this style of writing. Sometimes the dialogues are literate and the descriptions are spoken in vernacular, which I really feel is neither fish nor fowl. Maybe what I said is too exaggerated, but I hope you can at least put more effort into the description part. It doesn't need to be too gorgeous, but at least slow down a little bit in the delicate parts, and do enough description work before continuing with your plot. As for the plot, I think the author should have an overall plan before writing the article, so it is not convenient for me to say more. As long as I write each plot, I have a plan for the plot to be written next. I want to talk about the more outstanding battle scenes in the article. I really appreciate the author's idea of ​​using tarot cards and playing cards as weapons, and the 1V1 part in the later part is really great. But as I said, I'm not very good at finding advantages, and there are still some problems here. Looking at the battle scenes you wrote, it is easy to create a situation where no matter how strong the opponent is, the protagonist can always find a new ultimate move and the opponent will be defeated immediately. Whether it's Yuanlong vs. Benzoin, Ziyun vs. Sarracenia, or Xiaojun vs. Black Rose, I really don't feel nervous. I didn't know the weapons and equipment of any of them beforehand, nor their physical fitness, nor why one move could defeat that move. I could only watch them fight without reason, and then the protagonist would always use more powerful attacks than the opponent. At this time, the opponent would not fight back at all, and then the protagonist would win. This is the feeling. I think what you, the author, lack is the logical relationship in the battle. You should first introduce the protagonist's strength, and then how the opponent fights in the battle, why he fights like this, how the protagonist attacks and defends, and why the protagonist can win. It's great to be able to write gorgeous battle scenes, but without logic your battle will be like a pre-rehearsed performance. Two people attack in sequence, and the protagonist wins in the end. It's so logical that it really doesn't feel like a battle. I seem to have already talked a lot at this point, but I still want to talk about the emotional drama in this article. I don't have much to say about the scene between Cao Pi and Cao Zhi. Except for the CP, which made me want to look at the sky a little bit, everything was fine (the last sentence was originally from the same roots, so why did I laugh so quickly! This sentence was definitely not meant to be funny and the atmosphere was instantly overjoyed) and Ziyun's victory over Bottle What Cao Hou said was because I am not good at men's sex, which ruined the atmosphere immediately. Then the other party actually replied that I am convinced that I lost. At least beauty is used to confuse the world, and the only one who can make me fall in love is one person or something cool... Mainly I want to talk about the last 30,000-word chapter. The love between Shalu and Poppy should be a very long story. Although you wrote a full 30,000 words, in my opinion, it was still too fast. I didn't see how they fell in love. This chapter is very, very long, and there are not many highlights, so it is difficult for people to read it. What I want is to slow down the pace a little, tell the story between Shalu and Poppy more clearly, and add more actions about the gradual intimacy between them, and then it can be divided into several narrative sections, starting from the encounter, daily life, going to the devil world, Poppy being snatched away, practicing, accepting disciples, and finally saving Poppy. It should be better to write it divided into several organized chapters than to write a large paragraph of 30,000 words. But it does seem a bit delayed. If possible, the encounter should be a little simpler, mainly the daily part, and the part about saving Poppy can be simply deleted as mentioned earlier. Because these two people are not the protagonists, they only need to explain clearly the causes and consequences. Of course, this is just my personal opinion. If this chapter really has a great effect, please don't listen to me. I have a small question. I don't see much difference between the demon world set by the author, the human world and the fairy world. It is said that the demon world is the jungle of the jungle, but the protagonists seem to have climbed up too smoothly, and there is no description of the cruel system of the demon world. In this case, what is the difference between these three places? I hope the author can consider the description of the demon world. This will prevent the article from developing too quickly. Finally, I would like to say to the author: We still don't know the soul of the witch we saw that day. But it doesn't matter, you can always see it if you clear this layer of clouds. By Fourteen [Earthly Painting|Produced by Changpingpu]

Domineering heroines are not everything Hello girl Cailing, this is Sui Sui. Excuse me. This review has been delayed for so long because when I finally came back from the field and could play for a few days without having to make up classes, my dear laptop suddenly broke == So I waited for a long time to get it fixed. I stayed up late tonight to type this out, otherwise I felt so guilty. . Well, no more nonsense, let's get to the point. I was very hesitant when I wrote this review. I didn't know how to write it well. I'm not very good at writing reviews that are very literary and hazy. Every time I silently point out the things that I think are not good and then praise the author's other benefits. Then, girl, you said that you have a glass heart, so I didn't dare to write it. If something happens and it's not good for everyone, I don't know what your highlight is... [Actually, I haven't received such an order yet] Do you think so? Again, I really don't mean to watch the fun or criticize or complain about you... This first time is indeed a challenge... Sweat The title of the article is very domineering, very domineering. After seeing it, I guessed that the heroine must also be a domineering and powerful person. Because my computer was broken, I was reading the article on my mobile phone, so I didn't read the copy or anything else. Before reading the text, I looked at your data again. Well, I can describe it as bleak, right? [Actually, it doesn't matter. I've seen more bleak data than yours.] So, I analyzed it and found that the clicks for your first chapter and second chapter were [170] and [67] respectively. Excluding some unstable factors, what does this mean? This means that nearly half of the people will have no interest in continuing to read your first chapter. For example, if the first chapter has 170 clicks, if it is well-written and can capture readers, the number of collections will probably be over 30. Half of the first chapter dropped is very scary. If it is just the first chapter that excludes readers who are not interested in this article, then the next readers should be those who are more suitable for your writing style. Calculated based on the second chapter, your collection ratio is still very low, and your third chapter continues to be dropped, but the real stable and normal click rate is after 40+. Take me as an example. The style of one of my pits is quite weird. [It doesn't feel like it is to the public's taste] My first chapter clicks were 258. By the second chapter, it dropped to 165 and nearly a hundred people were lost, right? Then the third chapter continued to drop to 122. From then on, the click rate is at a normal stage. The collection of my pit is 50+, and the collection ratio is about 2.5:1. I have said so much, and the summary is this: the first few chapters are not attractive enough, and after losing a few readers, there is no better improvement in the later chapters, resulting in continued loss of readers. When I judge the popularity of an article, I usually don't just look at the number of collections, but the proportion. This way, the view will be more comprehensive and more objective. An article with 10 collections may not necessarily be a good article. There are so many works by Baoyu Mengchen. This is also the cruelty of Jinjiang. As for the website, making money is the most important thing, so non-contracted authors are at a disadvantage. Your exposure is far less than that of contracted authors. So, I started reading the article now. Why half of the people were wiped out in the first chapter? After reading it, I think there are three reasons. But I have to say, girl, you have quite a lot of words. I think it is more convenient to keep it at 3000+. The word count will not be said to be too few, and the update frequency will be faster. First: The beginning is too confusing. I am a loser in astronomy, but I believe that many people are a loser in astronomy like me. The long list of names of galaxies and planets at the beginning of the article made me stupid. I don't know how this has any necessary connection with the article, or that the heroine does not need such a precise location where she was before she traveled... It has been positioned from the universe to Zhuhai. [Khan, does this foreshadowing have something to do with the main story of the article? Didn't I go to another world? Zhuhai has no role at all? Second: Protagonist positioning. I didn't feel anything when I saw the heroine killing people, but I asked a friend to help me watch it. My mistress said it was too fake and unrealistic. Nowadays, there are more heroines taking the dark route, but this heroine is only 13 years old... She only has 13 years of life experience, go Three years of memory gap, ten years have made a child look like this... [I think of "Battle Royale"] Maybe it's because I have a strong taste, I don't think there is any problem, but since my mistress mentioned it, I will talk about it a little bit, it seems that the heroine is not likeable. [Actually, this is nothing. I have also written about a heroine like this, but she was older than you. She killed someone at 15 years old, but her memory was preserved for two lives. It was just because she was mentally older. Third: The pace is too fast The first chapter usually sets the stage, explains a story setting, introduces characters, and introduces a cute character. Girl, you opened the chapter with 5,000 words and summarized that the female pig's trotters killed a person, and then took her brother away. When she was looking for her brother, the heroine traveled through time, and then the heroine came to another world. After killing a monster, she upgraded to full health! She met her heaven-defying master, and then she learned the art from him and met her senior sister. Later, the master accepted another apprentice, and the adventurous trio was formed. ⊙⊙I just want to say that the pace is a bit fast and unbearable. This time travel is okay, but the master appears too fast! Junior brother appeared too quickly! Entering the main plot too quickly makes it look confusing. The pace of the opening chapter is very fast, but then it suddenly slows down and starts to write in detail. Some details are written in detail. I want to mention here, girl, you have good writing skills, but the plot of this article should be more important. After all, your world setting is so huge, so I suggest that the number of words should be allocated to the plot and character description, and those descriptions can be less descriptive. After looking at the back, I felt that the main characters' personalities were not very distinct, but the heroine was quite distinct, == Murder at Thirteen is the same as Qin Wuyang. As for the plot, it is a very inspirational and passionate [] route. If it is written well, it is still very good. Such otherworldly writing. The victory lies in the wonderful ideas and exquisite structure. The author's ideas are quite good. Maybe the structure of the novel and the expression of contradictions and conflicts need to be improved. Such a novel is not suitable for being too lyrical or prose. ==Please forgive me if I am offended. Produced by BY Sui Sui Niang [Delusion Syndrome]

Keep up the good work, dear~ I'm here to go shopping~

Mark, come on

Embarrassing, Poppy's mother died so quickly But the same thing is written from two perspectives It won't be boring to write It's so GJ The previous chapter was so sad This chapter is so cute and healing~

↓This is my impression after seeing the title, please ignore it↓ yooooooooooo Brother Shalu's gay love story finally begins hshs -----I am the lovely dividing line----- The following are my thoughts after reading the content: Xiaojun is using cheats (laughs) Doujin hexagram (laughing) So you are already at the level of 'King' (slapping the table and laughing wildly) ←This person's smile is so low((sweat Ahem, Back to topic What a long, long chapter... Thank you for your hard work writing the article. The part where I met Poppy was a bit sudden. The memory of spending time with Poppy The plot progresses a bit too fast So the progress of the relationship feels super fast Orz It's really interesting to see the whole story from another perspective The Demon King of Shalu who calls Princess Furong a trash princess and a stinky princess is so cute AuthorGJ(thumb)

The pace of this chapter feels like it's slowing down Although there is a lot of information about the world view and character relationships The explanation is clear but still feels a bit unnatural but easier to understand than before The reader does not know the whole story like the author does So it's hard to understand quickly This time I only read it once and understood it roughly. It can be seen that Master Zixia's writing skills have improved a lot

Come on, let me sit down~~

When I look back, I feel that "cut sleeves followed" is a bit... How to say... A little strange... Panda gloves are so cute (saliva) Ziyun with love>/////< I also want to ask how to use the negative contract glass shoes = = Can you just think about it?

I cried when I saw the end The emotions in the article will not appear vulgar because the plot is more common. On the contrary, it is very touching In addition, the instructions on weapons and moves are a bit sparse and difficult to understand.