No One Can Make Me Return to the Martial World and Live Like a Savage

How many steps does it take to go from the most revered swordsman under heaven to a despised hound of the imperial court? Step one: Kill your master and your senior brother. Step two: Have the entire martial world hunt you down. Step three: While lying battered at the bottom of a cliff, questioning your life, have a kind boss suddenly offer you a contract with the Embroidered Uniform Guard and invite you to work for him. The contract clearly states: An annual salary of one thousand taels of gold. No attendance checks, no need to socialize with colleagues. Just be the boss's sword. Whoever the boss points at, you cut down. Once the job is done, clock out immediately. Ye Shu, the rescued party: There's a deal this good?! Carrying the salary his boss had paid in advance, Sword Immortal Ye headed to the capital. On his very first day, the bustling world dazzled him. Just look: roast goose in the East Market, crispy and tender; fine wine in the Western Quarter, sharp and mellow; hot springs in the Southern Pavilion, smooth as silk; brocade quilts in the Northern Hall, soft as clouds. Street performers swallowed knives and breathed fire, tea stalls in the alleys poured snowy patterns into their cups, dice in the gambling houses rained gold, and dancers onstage moved like figures in a dream... Ye Shu suddenly understood: What? So I didn't transmigrate into a story where I start with a sword and hack my way through the martial world, but one about eating, drinking, and making merry in ancient times? Then what about all those years I spent sleeping on ropes in ancient tombs, eating nothing but boiled eggs when I went out, regularly falling off cliffs and having white apes dig into my belly, trudging into deserts to eat sand and pick up broken rocks, and finally snatching a martial arts manual only to discover that practicing it required castration? Was I some kind of wild man of the martial world?! Ye Shu flopped down into a bed of embroidered silk, pressed his hands together, and made his declaration of renunciation: From now on, don't call me Sword Immortal Ye. Call me Your Excellency, Commander Ye! Formerly the greatest swordsman under heaven, now Commander of the Embroidered Uniform Guard, Ye Shu quickly fell from a martial world swordsman who rose at the crow of the rooster to a court lackey who slept until he woke naturally. Each day, he thought of only three things: What should I eat for breakfast? What should I eat for lunch? What should I eat for dinner? Oh, and what should I have for a midnight snack? Every day was wonderful, with only one small imperfection: the three-year term was drawing to a close, and his boss showed no intention of renewing the contract. Ye Shu was anxious all day long. Even freshly baked, piping-hot sweet cakes had lost their flavor! The day before the contract expired, he finally couldn't hold back any longer. He timidly crept into his boss's room to discuss renewing it. - How many steps does it take to draw the bright moon into your arms? Step one: Arrange things so the world believes he killed his master and senior brother. Step two: Offer a huge bounty to lure the entire martial world into hunting him down. Step three: Find the bright moon who has fallen from the heavens before anyone else, and make him agree to a three-year pact. That way, the astonishing sword strike he glimpsed in his youth could be his to hold forever. Even if the price was that the other man's face no longer held a gentle smile, and he no longer drifted about in white robes. With no missions to do, he would spend all day hiding in the estate, practicing his sword and ignoring everyone. Mu Yunbai knew all too well that their relationship was nothing but a transaction: He would uncover the mastermind who framed Ye Shu for killing his master and senior brother, turning everyone against him, and in exchange, Ye Shu would bow to him and serve for three years. He had promised that in three years, he would bring that person before Ye Shu. On the final day of their three-year pact, Mu Yunbai kept his word and let Ye Shu see the mastermind: poisoned with a strange toxin and utterly powerless to fight back, ready for Ye Shu to humiliate and torment as he pleased, and avenge the blood feud. - At noon the next day, Ye Shu opened his eyes and saw half a jade pendant beside Mu Yunbai's pillow. It was made of the same material as the other half, which the real culprit had left beside the bodies of Ye Shu's master and senior brother. The broken edges fit together perfectly. Ye Shu was horrified. How could the boss be so careless? He hadn't even put away such a crucial piece of evidence. What if Ye Shu noticed it?! He crushed the pendant to powder with one palm, then calmly snuggled back into the soft, fragrant brocade quilt with his boss. Commander Ye's gaze was resolute. No one is ever going to make me go back to the martial world and live like a wild man!!! - CP: Embroidered Uniform Guard commander x regent The top is the strongest under heaven, with strength to spare and even more strength in place of brains. The bottom is a combination of high intelligence, frail health, beauty, melodramatic tragedy, and an overactive imagination. Reading guide: 1. An overinterpretation story with mutual misunderstandings, half comedy and half melodrama. The top handles the comedy, the bottom handles the melodrama. 2. Every tragic twist is something the bottom desperately, desperately imagined into existence. Cherish them! 3. A small amount of System elements. The top transmigrated from a wuxia game. Theme: Do the most thankless job, and slack off in the most satisfying way!